10/21

Drag name: Partly Random
Drag name: Chaotic Phenomena
Drag name: Crystal Growth
Drag name: Fluid Turbulence
Drag name: Galaxy Formation
"fractal: a curve or geometric figure, each part of which has the same statistical character as the whole. Fractals are useful in modeling structures (such as eroded coastlines or snowflakes) in which similar patterns recur at progressively smaller scales, and in describing partly random or chaotic phenomena such as crystal growth, fluid turbulence, and galaxy formation."
#witnessamerica #natureandculture #aquarianage

I think there's gotta be some way to heal the rancor between radical idealists and progressive reformers, because when the revolution comes who do you think will actually be on our side? The conservatives? I also think from a holistic psychological perspective there is so much value to every expression of person, we just happen to be suffering under a monotheistic patriarchy that violently enforces rigid tribal conservatism based on values completely decontextualized and in opposition to most of our lived realities and experiences.
The ethics of globalist imperialist capitalism are valid perspectives taken to completely (self-)destructive extremes. I too am an extremist and have been identifying as an anarchist since I knew what that was. I too wish to join in a popular revolt against capitalist tyranny but I do acknowledge the work of true progressives and reformers as also valid and necessary responses to the same conditions and I actually don't necessarily find it harmful to radical causes I think there can be something complementary there. Radicals want to see the world the reformers attempt to create realized immediately, we attempt to live and embody these alternatives. Reformers are often making space for radicals within establishment discourse where there may not have been that space.
I don't think it's anyone's place to police the resistance of others either. Instead of focusing on what other people should be doing - yes even the fucking status quo neoliberal democrats - can we as radicals focus on embodying alternatives and speaking from our lived experiences of empowerment through those embodied practices? It's not like any two radicals completely agree either.
What if reconciling the duality between differing perspectives could actually be the most radical act of resistance?

When conflict or challenge makes you wanna shut down and close off from the world, honestly open the fuck up that much more. Keep those who challenge you close that's the only way community grows and becomes strong. Those things that make us react the most will teach us the most about ourselves. Let the sensitivities be a window into yourself not the slamming of a door or the construction of even more walls

Representation is powerful but where does all the rest of the money go? We know even the highest paid artists are really just making money for corporations and weird oligarchical luxury holding companies and predatory talent management firms and shit like that. I was just thinking it's really interesting the kind of sound that has suddenly become diffuse amongst mainstream radio, it's really kind of radical to here some of the outre production that's suddenly become common place, but who's actually getting paid for that and what does the representation of marginalized demographics look like behind the scenes of the pop culture machine?

TW exotification, Islamaphobia, exploitation
I still don't know why all the politically conscious Gaga Stans are literally not constantly dragging her for making a song called BURKA

I feel amazing right now no psychic pathologies in sight ATM. The huge shifts I'm making have been very needed for a long time.

*walks down tree lined median instead of crossing the street*
"Wow I really need to spend more time on this median before I go."

I'm obsessed with this quote from T. H. White whatever that book is
"[They] felt in [their] heart cruelty and cowardice, the things which made [them] brave and kind."

10/20

Also you know what feels fucking amazing especially when you're convinced of your infallible rightness? Apologizing anyway. Forget that it's more constructive in the long run. It's just one of the most empowering things on a personal level.

Oh and notice if you enter conversations already convinced of your own "rightness" ... So by that logic everyone doesn't agree with you is wrong? And only people see it exactly your way are right? How does that work out when taken to its logical conclusion

Notice if you make concessions for people based on personal experience relationships or friendships. But don't empathize with people you haven't met in the same way. What happens if you actually got to know these people from the Internet??

It's just like you wanna talk about what's problematic you better be prepared by knowing exactly why you're problematic to start. I am hella problematic in so many ways I've been told and I see it. Has to start there

What's becoming clear to me, in a time where sensitivities are increasing and running high - as they should! We can all totally benefit from much increased sensitivity around language, identity, access, privilege etc - is that we are often the most sensitive to issues in the behavior and language of others that we may actually be hiding from within ourselves. A really powerful practice for me is when I feel challenged, before I articulate a critique or confront someone about it, I examine the roots of my feelings about that within myself and try to discern places where I may be exhibiting the very behavior that challenges me.
Because the real of it is we are all complicit. Identity politics continue to fractal in on themselves in beautiful and also sometimes incredibly frustrating ways and everyone has so many valid perspectives on these issues. But we are all complicit. I don't know a single person no matter how marginalized that isn't dealing with some shit or perpetuating or normalizing some bullshit. We all gotta make choices as to where we direct our critiques and what we choose to let slide. And none of us will ever completely agree on the right ways.
My ego often wants to just throw my hands up and put my life's energy up to a poll where QTPOC can tell me as a white cis presenting person what I should be doing to take up the least amount of space or leverage my privilege in the right ways. But would they be able to agree? I've got black nationalist friends who disagree with more reform minded black liberation workers, queer separatist friends that disagree amongst themselves about armament vs non-violence, seen non-binary Trans people argue against the justification of certain neutral pronouns for other non-binary folks, it can be really confusing to try to tease out where your personal ethics lie within all of this when it often just feels like he said she said this style of argument is better or a competition for who is experiencing the most marginalization.
Is this really helpful? I don't really know tbh. I don't have an answer. I often fantasize about bringing together a community just for the discussion of ethics and language to describe a list of agreements that can be made by people who wish to align with a certain ethical perspective. But in the absence of that right now I just wonder if we can try to see the bigger picture and a more personal and empathic one. Because we all have so many complicated layers to our identities. National, ethic, racial, sexual, gendered and non, spiritual, religious, ethical, moral, cultural, aesthetic, it goes on and on and on. And if we limit our field to only working with those who would ardently and specifically agree with us, that list might be incredibly small and where does that leave us? Hoeing a pretty intense row against most of the planet, from my estimation. Unless you've managed to secede from mainstream culture at large (which may be a privilege in and of itself), we are all interacting with so many people with conflicting views on the daily because we literally have to. To survive.
So not because it's more moral or ethical or correct. But maybe because it actually can be empowering and easier in the long run for people working in resistance. Maybe start to look for the agreements first. Before leveraging the critique. Look for the ways you're complicit first. And articulate those within your critique of how those things challenge you in others. And see how that changes YOUR experience. Don't do it for anyone else. Don't do it for respectability or popularity or PR. Do it for your fucking self. Get out of survival mode let's move towards a place where we can all thrive.

Things are turning around ... And around and around and around lol #thespiral #blessedbe

Michael

Drag name: God's Sake

Drag name: Honor Anger

They / them and other practices of open, agnostic language for describing people and things are really an ontological revolution in action. Just because you can intuit the gender someone was assigned at birth does not mean you know their identity or preferred way of being described. It's the same as the way we constantly casually qualify people in conversation. "Oh these white gay guys" "These black girls" "This Latina" etc wait why did it matter what their race or gender was for most of what we say when we're describing someone? I've been trying really hard to say "This person" and then when it seems vitally important to further describe them to stay open and agnostic with my qualifiers. "This cis-presenting white-presenting person..." Etc. What we see is not necessarily what we know. It's also important to pay attention to your audience when describing people. Someone's perceived race ethnicity gender etc may seem vital to a story but why? And who are you telling it to? Is it contributing to assumptions they may already have around these qualifiers? Lots to think about ...

I'm not trying to erase anyone's identity or deconstruct their racial identity for them. I'm also not trying to define it either just based on what I see or what I can reasonably imagine society sees. These aren't mutually exclusive there is a middle ground. I'm really just making this post to point to the moments when I'm using perceived race as a descriptor when it may not in any way affect the context of what's being described. Because isn't that in essence what we resist when we resist racism, the unequal treatment of people based on the race that they present ? And I use presentation here to speak to race as a construct and not a biological essential objective reality because it can generally be assumed to be that. Lots of people with lots of colors that often have very different backgrounds and experiences of privilege. I'm not flinching from including people's identities in descriptors when it seems important but there is a lot of casual conversation especially among and by white peoples where it's like "oh this black guy said blank etc" and it's like ok was that context or was that necessary in any way? Why did it matter that this person was black? Again I'm not for casual erasure but there is a point where description and qualification can actually contribute to stereotyping and violence and oppression that's the point I'm trying to get across.

I realized I need a hi tattoo which made me realize I also need a Cher tattoo

Emerging out of one of the more intense depressive / manic / schizoaffective / mystically and spiritually challenging episodes I've been through in recent memory and feeling really good for it. Isn't that always the case? Like wow that was fucking horrible but I'm alive and thriving again and I learned so much about myself. Thank you for all the love and support let's fuck it up #americanmystics #queeranarchy #selfierealization #blessedbe

Just a reminder that your value and worth as a person, life and soul are inherent to you and not dependent on the attention, affections and desires of others!

od practice I'm working on with online interacts. Before you post something, a comment a post whatever, read it back to yourself a few times and take a moment to breathe and receive your words as the people who may receive and read them. Are there unrelated personal digs and asides? Are there ambiguous terms that could be misconstrued or is it unnecessarily academic and inaccessible? How would you feel if you were reading it out of context of the original discussion? A good question to ask oneself, what are my intentions for writing this? Am I asking questions, inviting people towards alternative perspectives, or am I making truth claims and objective statements, attempting to establish rightness? Even if you do feel incredibly "right" and justified, even if the power dynamics seem to be out of your favor and what you're discussing feels emotionally intense and integral to your lived experience, can you empathize with dissenting opinions and perspectives? Lots of questions. #ethics

"We may need to be cured by love of our attachment to life without fantasy."

"It may be useful to consider love less as an aspect of relationship and more as an event of the soul."

Drag name: Going Gray

Drag name: Passing Through

ew life practice starting tomorrow! No phone use until I meditate. Making myself get out of bed and sit with my breath early as opposed to randomly through the day is so powerful really sets my mind on the right path for the rest of the day and now that I can do it there's no reason not to. I have been casually practicing Vipasana style meditation for a long time. It's literally just sitting and watching the out breath and watching the thoughts and sensations that arise around that. I do 21 minutes because I have a couple of years under my belt but start with 5. And slowly increase as you can. It's not about not thinking or dominating your mind in a repressive way it's actually about letting the thoughts come and go as they do and realizing you don't have to be them or chase them around. They say it's specifically not a practice of modulating the breath but just observing it but for me it is sometimes both, and I think they both generate benefits. I have the added boon of 8 years of yoga breathing under my belt but on days like today when my mind is really reactive I just focus on slowing the breath which generates powerful effects too. I think for those still new to these practices it's all helpful, slower breath and mental focus. The physical aspect can be challenging, don't be afraid to move and adjust mindfully throughout and also find a physical practice that helps you to sit longer, yoga asana is specifically for that. For great tools and insight around this style - said to be how Gotama the Buddha reached enlightenment - read When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. My favorite thing from that book is when she says whenever thoughts intrude and you find yourself actively thinking to just sweetly say "thinking" to remind yourself to come compassionately back to the breath. For the science of why this style of meditation works towards systems self organization and what that means for us within the universe check out the Dharma of Natural Systems by Joanna Macy. #selfieprocess #blessedbe

10/18

till in bed. Trying to figure out what to call this sudden and amazing break from full time work (after basically a decade working non stop). I am definitely in a huge transition into something new. Can't call it a rest phase really because I'm working on so much art stuff. We'll see how it develops. Just found out my Venus has been progressed into Capricorn for awhile now no wonder I got so hung up asking people to marry me. The more you know #selfieprocess

I don't have to set an alarm tomorrow

I am so blessed by love friendship and inspiration in my life. I just had to look around and remember. What I learned during this transition is if you want to feel vital to others, make others vital to you?

Remember that language is powerful magic. Remember that language is powerful technology.

Mars in Aries third house, it's Monday afternoon 3:43 I taught a class took a class and am now lying on my bed in my underwear eating coconut oil from the jar. There have been some terrifying moments of this extended life transition but right now I feel amazing and free.
True node in Aries third house ... My destiny is to start shit lol lets keep it going

Drag name: Mononymously Known

A little too proud to have been called an extremist today ... I'm a double Aquarius Scorpio moon it's really the triple Fixed signs that does me in lol

I wield power that I will probably be challenged my entire life to use with care and balance and love that's just my work I suppose

Just put the damn phone down

Me to basically everyone I know: "That's cool you can totally resist getting into a holistic body-centered movement practice at my suggestion and I totally understand but if we are going to stay friends I am going to keep suggesting it every few months until you do forever so it's your choice."
Like you're either actively realizing yourself or you're passively letting life and society do it for you like everyone else. Reclaim your agency there are so few ways we actually can in this world #resistance #revolution

Drag name: Prehistoric Mammal

Tfw the bus comes

This endless daisy chain of people accusing each other of lying, being delusional, stupid or problematic lol 2016 you have really shown me some crazy shit. I just keep thinking about our primordial mammalian ancestors scampering up and down trees

Listening to someone read aloud from Revelations at the bus stop fitting lol

Every tattoo makes me feel a little closer to myself

Of course I would time a major life transition unconsciously to coincide with the super moon going full in Aries.
I'm easing out of survival mode back into the mindset of someone who thrives. It's really tempting to call it a switch that gets flipped and then not thought about again, just like it's really tempting to imagine that if we just elect the right person, all the problems will be solved. That's not true. That's actually the style of thinking that lead me back into what became my most major depressive episode in a long time, this idea that I had done all the work and no longer needed to keep up with myself in the day to day or moment to moment.
It's been powerful for me to learn that the idealism I instinctually want to let drive my life and language and engagement with the world isn't always going to seem accessible (or even valid) to most people, and that I can let myself say "Fuck this" sometimes or whatever it needs to be. But I have Mercury rising and sun signs all placed in Aquarius in the 1st house of the Self. My language and communications and media engagements really do affect my perception and experience of myself down to the physical level and through my connection to my own embodied divinity. What I have learned is that the daily work of minding my thoughts and language, of practicing affirmative engagements with what challenges me rather than reinforcing the sense of separateness and duality that my Mars in Aries (3rd house of ritual, communication, the Goddess) would rather me reinforce whenever I feel challenged.
I have given into anger and fear within political discussions again, when I engage with those that I would lambast for voting and living based on fear. I do believe that a vote Democrat is destructive, I do believe that these are choices based on much ignorance and also much fear, fear of finally accepting that the USA has never been for or by the people, that the status quo has never been just and may never be under the current models, that the theology that makes up the backbone of most of western culture is flawed towards duality violence and oppression from the start. I too am afraid that we don't just need new politicians and new laws but new cosmologies, new languages, new rituals and new gods (Goddesses obviously), and I am afraid we may not even get those chances. It's quite possible that the world keeps spinning without humanity within our lifetimes, it's also quite possible that humanity survives and learns to thrive on a new planet, with new climates and crops and practices and ways of organizing ourselves. Gaia tells me to keep resisting the forces of fear and exploitation, to keep defending life, and I will do so until She tells me not to, the only course I could see changing from that would be giving palliative care to a dying species, which to me is still a practice of sustaining Life, for there is no Life without Death, decay and sustainable limits and ends.
But I can't do this work if every person that disagrees with me, if every event that angers disgusts or deeply disturbs me, just serves to reinforce my perceived separation and alienation from everyone and everything else. I have to return to the practice of engaging and participating with all that seems to be. Everything is real. It all exists. I don't have to like it but I can't change the world without a clear experience of what the world already is, and that goes for every obnoxious democrat and every racist and every bullet and every pile of shit.
I got two tattoos since I've been in California. One reads Gaia. The other reads True That. Gaia is probably more obvious, but if you're not aware Gaia was a Greek earth goddess, primordial creatrix and also a living embodiment of the Earth. Gaia is also a theory (and I posit a practice) which describes the intelligent and emergent self-organization and relationship between everything that exists on, in and around this planet. The emergent properties of self-organizing systems can be seen in so many different ways, from the non-hierarchal intelligences of ants and slime molds to the mycelial networks connecting disparate species of plants, the microbes that form the clouds and stabilize the oxygen in the atmosphere, the dance of electrons and the dance of large migrations of people over time, there is an intelligence present within all life and seen from a Buddhist lens many forms of meditation and holistic movement practices like yoga are ways to access that on a personal, collective and community (and cultural) level. That's what this tattoo affirms for me. Gaia exists in me as She exists in everything else beyond even our capacity to truly understand or see. That limit of our perception can be powerful. Turn the awareness and search for intelligence in on yourself and see how you start to learn to deal with everyone else.
Thus, True That. In the yogic tradition we hear a lot of "namaste" which can be translated to mean "I honor the truth in you" or in Germukhi, the devotional language of the Sikhs and by extension kundalini yogis working in the tradition of Yogi Bhajan, they say "Satnam." Satya, truth, nam, name or identity. Truth is my identity, or we have the same name. I wondered for a long time how I could respectfully ascribe this idea onto my body, in a way that worked for me aesthetically, and also thought a lot about my favorite Vedic proverb, tat tvam asi, which means "Thou art that." Yogi Bhajan also listed a sutra for the emerging Aquarian age as "Know that the other person is you." It's all a part of you. It's all true and real. Something arouses fear and anger and the ego wants to force a separation, build a wall so to speak, divide you from what it actually a part of yourself, as challenging as whatever it may be. So without even getting into the idea of objective or subjective realities, it really just comes down to how we experience reality, what methods yield what results. Experience yourself through the lens of western individualism, every man for themself, constant capitalist competition, survival of the fittest, and look around at this planet you can see where that has lead. Turn it inside out and experience everything as interconnected, as codependent and complimentary, even predator and prey, even parasite and host, master and slave are so inextricably tied up, one suffers so do we all, if applied personally it can be a challenge to maintains a sense of ones self but also thrilling to know that everyone mirrors us and our relationships to ourselves can truly define the way we exist with everything and everyone else. So that's what those words mean to me. Does it challenge me? Do I hate it even? But is it true? It's all true for somebody someway.
So I'm back to pursuing ideals within the way I engage and communicate and care for others. But in a new way with a new perspective and new reminders for myself. I see a future that's completely uncertain for myself and everyone, human plant animal microbe insect rock tree drop of water, on it, and certainly a lot of death. It's terrifying. Seems often like a void, a great unknown, I'm reminded of my other Gaia-Cthulhu tattoo, which I was inspired to get because I decided that the size and shape of Lovecraft's description of Cthulhu far from proving a person meaningless in comparison could actually yield beauty. Is an ant meaningless in comparison to a person? We know how important each bee is for our lives, truly it seems every spec has a purpose and a truth. So even as I navigate into a huge gulf of WTF?! That seems to dwarf me in its vastness, I know I have a purpose too. I Now know this Mystery as a part of the deeper truth of All That Seems To Be. It was a great time for those months I thought I had all the answers, and I will probably come to a comfortable phase like that again at some point, but for now I'm going to just keep digging into the terror and beauty of this wild existence, keep caring for my language and my body and those around me, keep witnessing what there is to see and engaging and participating as fully in the suffering of the world as I can. I am self-organization in action. I am Gaia. #blessedbe

Never underestimate how hot other people may find you but not necessarily know how to deal with or express

"The fact that it’s a small scrambling animal isn’t a surprise,”
On the ancestor of all living mammals lol that's truly us

People surprise and amaze me every day

I will never not fantasize about working for the post office or at the DMV or something bizarre in government, I would be such a good mail carrier, I love to walk, isn't there also a weird history of vocal anarchists working for the federal government? I kind of get it we are all scavenging from that carcass on some level in this country

Something I have learned the past few years is that white activists and radicals can't expect people of color to be concerned in the same ways, react in the same ways or even interested in the same ways about race that they are. It's just never going to be the case. We have to be more aware of certain things just by nature of the structures of power at play. Everyone has their own unique work in resistance to do. And it's one thing to empower and support people of color in resisting racism and white supremacy, it's quite another to frame their concerns and narratives for them, it hurts to hear - having been called an imperialist like a few times this week for online discussions? - but that's imperialism. You want to worry about who's concerned about what, we need to start with other white people.

Drag name: As Hell