A Room Of One's Own III - Truth & Suffering: Selected Personal Social Media (text, Twitter, 2011) 

 

January 1, 2011

who gave me this hickie?

 

so weirdly soothing to lay in bed and watch my fish swim around

 

January 2, 2011

Bartender just handed me a joint to smoke on my own basically? Okay, fine! Love

 

So peaceful to not have a hangover screaming in my ears and jabbing at my eyes and kicking me in the temples today.

 

January 3, 2011

So many toxins seeping out of me during yoga right now. I smell like a landfill. 

 

just saw a little girl slap another little girl in the face with dollar bills

 

My crush for years and I just had this weird cosmic texting situation and then I did push ups naked

 

Just laughing at my own sick musings

 

January 4, 2011

Every drug does the same thing to me. I'm on hella sudafed feeling soo horny, trippin out, rubbin my sweater.

 

My first born will be named Agamemnon and I shall raise him to be a warrior.

 

This open bag of marshmallows in the back at the club is a serious issue for me #highfantasyyall

 

January 5, 2011

Cutting some vocals with @MylesUSA "I'm a little nasally." "I'm on Ambien I can barely stand up. Let's make a record."

 

January 6, 2011

I woke up super paranoid that I would lose all memory of my life so I'm making an outline of all significant events. One is Napster.

 

Another day, another yoga class spent trying to flush out my cancerous resentment of my ex

 

When she rang the Tibetan singing bowl I had a vivid vision of nuclear holocaust

 

January 7, 2011

So her husband died and she just hopped on a caravan in the middle of the Sahara and started sleeping with some hottie in a turban. Chic

 

Walking home with a pound bag of dried chrsyanthemum flowers. What?

 

January 8, 2011

Drag queens with gauged ears

 

The dude who found the best preserved wooly mammoth specimen ever named it after his wife hahahaha

 

January 9, 2011

By the powers vested in me by myself I do everything

 

Let's just say, I asked someone for their impetigo and leave it at that

 

Hey, so, about last night: thank you, I'm sorry, and you're welcome 

 

I should sleep with more dicks in my hand

 

I feel good. I feel crazy

 

Me, genuinely concerned and introspective: "Do I come off as stupid?" Nicole: "Yes."

 

Just threw up in my mouth 

 

I love inflammatory people.

 

January 10, 2011

Listening to this insane recording of Paul Bowles telling a story about a guy and this snake, tripping and laying naked together...woah

 

January 11, 2011

If you cut vegetables up sloppy for a dish call it rustic

 

Doing drag for my fish

 

Literally still tripping from Christmas

 

Woah Karma Zabitch just took a crazy fall on stage. Not even gonna comment.

 

January 13, 2011

All parts of California remind me in a general way of the show Digimon I'm not really sure why, maybe the colors or the buildings

 

Had a dream I was staying in a hotel and had figured out a way to look through walls but was constantly paranoid people could see me too

 

RT @yokoono: You are water. I'm water. We're all water in different containers. That's why it's so easy to meet.

 

January 15, 2011

I think I have it pretty together considering I'm blacked out an averagw of 5 nights a week.

 

I feel like the most fulfilling sexual experience I had for months was smoking t and JOing on that dude at the last @THINKFEELRHONDA

 

"Sweet on Everybody" that's what I would/will title my country record

 

January 16, 2011

RT @biblesummary: Dt9: You rebelled and made the calf so I broke the tablets of the covenant.

 

Miss Shannon made an appearance tonight and promised to bring me a 5 x 5 poster of a fossilized faery on Tuesday! Early birthday present!

 

The Gay Time Traveler's Drag Queen Wife

 

Hahaha when my coke dealer told me he loved me Thursday night, just remembered that

 

"What if your parents built you a hut in their backyard when you were 15 and told you it was time to start experimenting with sex?"

 

"Contraceptive methods involved drinking a cocktail of wood alcohol and a centipede, their version of the morning after pill.”

 

January 17, 2011

Oh also I sucked off my drag geat great great grandmother...she got a BIG dick and it was hot, love her

 

Ahhh crap, can't quit the drugs yet, djs givin me stuff, music is good I just wooooooooooo

 

Takin the dj home, yeeeeah, what

 

They had this thing at the party filming the room and projecting us as big blurry liquid metal people on the screen, so future

 

January 18, 2011

RT @GaneshBaba: The truth comes as conqueror only because we have lost the art of receiving it as guest. - Tagore

 

OR my internal organs are failing

 

My authentic self looks CRAZY

 

Craziest IRL hook-up site sighting ever! The dude with the assless chain mail at the dollar store hahaha

 

January 19, 2011

Been seeing stuff moving on the edge of my vision all day. Kind of cracking up over here.

 

January 20, 2011

The wind blew all this craziness in my face I licked my lips tasted a leaf and it reminded me of being a kid...

 

Can't stop thinking about Barry the bartender talking about how fucking a guy with a fever is like heaven

 

January 21, 2011

Amazing song in this movie by popstar "Sharon" who is actually some synthetic internet entity. Cool.

 

January 22, 2011

Fox and the Hound, that shit was like porn to me as a kid, unghhh

 

I think I'm finally over chasing straight guys...as I stroke my hand seductively down one's chest hahah

 

God today

 

Sober for four days...trying really hard not to judge everyone now that my hangover veil has lifted.

 

January 23, 2011

Just did drag by firelight for @KENBALDWIN it was cute

 

January 24, 2011

I think I'm actually gonna cut back on the drinking...why are you all laughing? Why is she crying?

 

Just got yog'd out with @Adeptus_ it's crazy how simple Moby's songs are. 4 chords in each song.

 

I zipped up Mitzy Lee! #draggoals

 

January 25, 2011

Melt all the guns of the world into jewelry, legalize drugs and prostitution...that's my political statement.

 

My mom does her lashes SO insanely, 4 HUGE thick clumped lashes on each lid, in violet or turquoise mascara. So cool.

 

Seriously Michelle who the hell are you talking to right now?

 

January 26, 2011

Larry, one of the regulars at Aunt Charlies who I've known for 3 years, died of alcohol poisoning this weekend :( RIP gurl

 

January 27, 2011

It's cool how my morning is everyone else's evening

 

Me and @Adeptus_ settling down to watch Batman: Mask of the Phantazm

 

The first preview opens with Carol Channing shrieking shrilly, "I love a love story don't you?!" From Thumbelina which looks...good

 

"Born This Way? Nope, didnt become a cum-starved cokehead til well into my teens. Thanks anyway, Stefanie" @roydanielle vox of a generation

 

The Foot are just crazy hoarders and Shredder is the worst one. What else would they want with a bunch of 8 inch tvs?

 

"Salt aka Too Many Wigs For One Blender, starring Angelina Jolie" @roydanielle

 

January 28, 2011

RT @ParisHilton: I love you all worldwide! :)

 

Gay white kids turn black girls and anything they say into weird fetish objects.

 

The distant warzone noise lends some cool extra drama for when I'm doing my drag face.

 

RT @MylesUSA: Follow our High Fantasy intern @ShutupSina for more college credits

 

January 29, 2011

Miss Shannon was really lucid and her make-up looked really good tonight! I wonder if people say that about me in the same context ever

 

RT @GaneshBaba: The breath connects the world beyond space and time to the world of space and time.

 

RT @KENBALDWIN: "I blew Steve Martin in a video booth in Chicago. He had coke dick." @iamtheonlysteve

 

First Gaga request of the night. Fine.

 

Feeling nice. I will mix into an Alejandro mix from Kano. 

 

Fine fine fine fine fine I have no soul I am the dj I am what I playyyy

 

Live tweeting my dj set from the circuit party, I'm Alexis Penney and this is Truck Winter Ball 11 hahaha

 

January 30, 2011

Man I got a weird fuckin life

 

Fucked the cop

 

Just checking my twitter, coughing up a lung while this cop drives me to work in an old European rally car. Wtf

 

He is not making any arrests in this hoopdy little bitch

 

I'm wearing my head-scarves and he's all "you in your hood it's like we're in a Roman Polanski film, driving down a country road." Yes it is

 

Nicole turns to me in complete seriousness, "Wait, is Pearl Jam cum?" Is it?! Gross Eddie get outa here

 

Waiting for the bus to go see @amyblaustein at James Rowland. Warning: I smell and am crazy

 

Pretty sure some vodka got spilled on my space heater during my birthday cuz that shit is getting me drunk right now

 

January 31, 2011

Late night chocolate binge story of my life

 

Sometimes I feel like people don't understand me but in all honesty there's really nothing to understand

 

Tina Benez facebook updating about her dreams of being married to Tim Allen hahahaha UNDERSTAND THIS

 

All my tan friends will be wrinkly and I'll still be wearing way too much ghostly white powder

 

Alexis after hours

 

I'm the sketchiest after-hours club

 

Maybe I'll wear a fall

 

This late night laundry mat is insane like this is what I imagine a natural disaster to be like

 

Hahaha RT @roydanielle: I love snow. It's like God sneezed into her eightball

 

Hey! Look at you! You got married! Isn't that the same profile picture you had on your myspace in highschool...???

 

February 1, 2011

Love and light and sexual health

 

He called me licentious, which I now know means lacking moral constraint, um, stop flirting with me!

 

RT @JEALSD: I think they should add DTF to GLBT

 

February 2, 2011

I feel like I'm in the future

 

I always end up mega tipping funky waitresses at the airport. I just feel them so hard.

 

"Joyce you're on the wrong flight!" "Oh GODDDD." I love flying

 

"Thank you sir. Oh, ma'am. Sir." I just go "Whichever!" And started laughing hysterically hahahaha. I live to get a ma'am!!!

 

I got kinda inspired when we veered over the ocean and hit a little turbulence, so big and weird and pretty and minimal

 

February 3, 2011

RT @MadonnaQuoted: "I don't think I'm a bad actress, I've been in a lot of bad movies " ~Madonna 1994

 

February 5, 2011

RT @_______PHYSICAL: LUCIFER = LIGHT BRINGER

 

@iamjustsaying on where he was on 9/11: "I was a sophomore in college, it was August..." Um

 

February 7, 2011

I'm watching this guy scratch this crazy rash on the back of his head, I wonder if he even knows it's there?

 

February 8, 2011

Me and Tennessee playing How Gross of a Sound Can You Make? Which segued into singing "Tragedy" by the Beegees at the top of our lungs

 

Purse within a purse

 

February 9, 2011

Yoga teacher basically played everything that got played in the hippie girl's car that drove me to school every morning of 10th grade

 

February 11, 2011

In the karaoke room with Rahni and Malae aka three bitches howling and shrieking while people tryta sing

 

RT @MylesUSA: Jose remembers a time when you could teach second grade, drink coffee and smoke the whole time with the help of a teachers aid

 

Mahlae sprinkling water and salt on our cashews at the bar, "Thems fresh water cashews bitch!" They were good!

 

RT @andywarholsays: I broke something today and I realized that I should break something once a week to remind me how fragile life is.

 

RT @roydanielle: The two best things to be in life are gay and high. Oprah needs to put her ''Best Life'' seal on this ass and that pipe

 

February 12, 2011

RT: @BibleSummary:Josh2: Joshua sent two spies to Jericho. A prostitute called Rahab hid them, so they promised to spare her family. They reported to Joshua.

 

So I've been completely on diet this week AND doing yoga AND sleeping and I feel kind of like a beast

 

February 13, 2011

I AM Sophia Loren in Grumpier Old Men. Damn.

 

RT @GaneshBaba: With the out breath you create the world; with the in breath, you create yourself.

 

This queen who got cunt with me in the line yesterday sent me a message saying she wishes I was dead! Wow 

 

New motto: Do it until they hate you then keep doin it til they love you.

 

February 14, 2011

In a cab with a really brilliant Liz Taylor impersonatress who wanted to fuck and I'm just laughing and she couldn't figure out her phone

 

Shaved my legs. They look CRAZY. I have hella weird scars and shit

 

Memories of Miss Shannon drifting in from my blackout last night. Did she present at the Grammys?

 

Mitzy Lee, the hottest, realest reina at Esta Noche, just chugged an entire Corona on stage then belched into the mic really loud 3 times

 

When the smell of a urinal is really comforting???

 

February 15, 2011

RT @biblesummary: Josh5: The LORD told Joshua to circumcise the men. They called the place Gilgal.

 

Wore this outfit to two bars then to bed now wearing it to work. Fuck it

 

February 16, 2011

Yes god my room is dark I don't have to get out of bed for three days I've made it

 

February 17, 2011

Don't call me "genderfuck"!!!

 

Also, tranny is a slur!

 

Really proud of myself for brushing my teeth last night even while utterly obliterated

 

I wish I had all the notebooks I filled with drawings of big breasted female warriors all through junior high and high school

 

omg when they see the mountains I just got chills

 

Sassy can catch fish in a river with her bare paws?!

 

Once a year I get REALLY into Pretty Hate Machine for a month

 

This is that month

 

February 19, 2011

I guess it's good that it rains so much here to wash all the human excrement off the streets

 

February 20, 2011

I swear my jacket smells like pee from the coat check at the Powerhouse.

 

Hahaha overheard one bear asking another if he had any Tums last night at the bar. Probs something to do with those pork rinds they had out

 

Treating myself to fancy zagat rated Japanese. Life of a drag queen hooker. #dragliferecords

 

"Now take off that dress, you look like a giant peach cobbler, you're making me hungry!" Wanda Sykes in Monster in Law

 

February 21, 2011

Slipped and fell so hard into a k holr i$ gone

 

Ok ot got confirmed that it qas k so makes sense and btw I look 

 

I'm turning down a lot of money to go to sleep right now. Feeling fine with that.

 

this all started when I got stoned like 6 hours ago.

 

So many pills in the pile when I swept the house today. Like 5. I swiffer wet mopped the bitch too

 

Omg he's not playing "Bailamos" again downstairs!

 

February 22, 2011

Had a dream that I was hanging out with a filthy rich, anonymous bf in his family's compound, in a tiny black mini and kept getting a boner

 

RT: @KimKarsashianok guys its really me...i'm back! that was sooo annoying! hackers are so lame. like whats the point!

 

February 23, 2011

Getting into the amazing box of lashes and make-up @brandebtw gave me last night! So lucky!

 

Sprawled out on the bench at the laundry wit a bag of new clothes, a stack of new comics, chips and my two phones. Shows.

 

today is for dusty rose, carnation and misty wine

 

February 24, 2011

Dreaming about warm weather and pink looks

 

Foot fetish daddy lives above Som bar so muffled Rihanna was blasting through his apartment the whole time 

 

The best part about hooking again is the, "Just a warning, I had to shave my legs for a photoshoot and they're a little stubbly..."

 

So far nobody cares

 

Maybe I'll just eat a little spoon of salt

 

Maybe I'll be a bougie freak and take a cab to 24 hour Safeway

 

Or cab to 24 hour laundry and wash my sheets and read mags. The romantic light in my room hurts my eyes after awhile

 

Inanity insanity

 

@Ur_late and I throwing shows in the wholesale stripper shoe store. It's shipment day hahaha

 

February 25, 2011

Really fun girl/alien day with @MSigourney she took me makeup shopping then we got nude mani pedis! No eyebrows, no nails, no problem

 

Look at that sky! So gorgeous. Those clouds look cunt

 

I love tea time with my kids

 

hahaha when @ShutupSina busted me looking at the Wikipedia page for Mai Tai

 

February 26, 2011

Just got kicked out of a cab for calling the cabbie "girl" and he refused a tip! Weird

 

bummer part is the guy I thought was laughing at me, turned out to be crying, we were standing by the caution tape, his friend got shot :(

 

“Alexis - Return to Azeroth with 7 Days of Free Game Time!" Don't tempt me!!!

 

Ughhhh

 

February 27, 2011

This weekend has been really heavy on drag, cocaine and pork

 

Bob Despair

 

Me: "I never thought I'd hear Academy Award Nominee Sandra Bullock." @iamtheonlysteve "For Speed."

 

February 28, 2011

"That one kiss...changed me."

 

RT @SusanPowter: Solve the problem, stop treating the symptoms.....

 

Shitty night. Last thing I remember is storming off and hopping in a cab because someone slapped me in the face but I don't remember who!

 

March 1, 2011

"Thru the ages asteroids have behaved like strung out parents screeching up at random intervals to bestow lavish gifts or savage whippings."

 

I copped a major feel of Tennessee's stomach and then apologized and he said, "You probably earned it." Why YES I'd have to agree!

 

March 4, 2011

oh great it's a robot woman.

 

March 5, 2011

My dancer crush told me last night that he's addicted to me! I think I said lots of people are hahaha

 

Feel like a synthezoid today

 

Sherry Jean is talking about courtseying on somebody's face

 

Sherry Jean is on a rant about mud baths. "I aint puttin my little twat up there! How long the mud been in there?!"

 

"That twat aint getting in no mud! Not my pussy! It withdraw the poison I don't wanna sit down in everybodys poison! My pussy got enough!"

 

"I would put my pussy in the Chesepeke Bay!"

 

March 6, 2011

Constantly watching drunk girls almost get hit by cars

 

RT @MylesUSA: I hope people remember me not as an artist, but as an irritating guy who invited them to events on facebook

 

Stallion left me really wanting to start a party called Mare

 

If I just get one big break, I'm going straight to HSN

 

RT @andywarholsays: The great stars are the ones who are doing something you can watch every second, even if it's just a movement inside their eye.

 

"America's best-loved candle. Everybody loves Buttercream."

 

"I know pop's not good for you but it's a liquid. It's the main thing I drink when I'm sick."

 

I feel like Yankee Candle kid lives here because her cherubic voice has been lilting steadily out of @MylesUSA 's room all week

 

God all of us coughing in here sounds like we're in the freakin TB ward

 

March 7, 2011

omg I texted Mr. David (who was party to the conversation) "Fashion!" and he texted me back "Style!" which seems SO REVELETORY RIGHT NOW?!

 

Sauteeing last night's leftovers in white wine, soaking the wire pot scrubber, I am going to wash the kitchen towels today

 

"Are Carbs More Addictice Than Cocaine?" YES

 

"Drug cartels can only dream of a narcotic with an addiction cycle this powerful." This article is amazing

 

Ok, no drugs and no refined sugar this whole week.

 

Oops I can't give up candy I'm going to a movie tonight

 

March 8, 2011

Unclog my bronchial tubes

 

March 9, 2011

RT @MylesUSA: So @ALEXISPENNEY is about to have sx with this straight comic that stumbled into our club because he was too drunk to find any other place

 

March 10, 2011

One winter one of their bunnies Peppy gave birth and ate all of her children which was disgusting

 

the thought of sitting down at a computer to write something is making me laugh hysterically. How does anyone write anything?

 

March 11, 2011

Rest assured, when the tsunami hits San Francisco, I will be wasted

 

we devastate our planet more than the planet ever devastates us

 

ugh I feel so complicated about the human race

 

awake for an hour and just realized there's an ear plug in one ear. I thought something was funny...

 

Hahaha the Live 105 dj just said, "Gettin' kiiiiinkaaaaaay with Eve 6!"

 

March 12, 2011

Um the boys passed out in my bed about 45 minutes into Willow. Good choice guys. Val Kilmer looks yeah amazing in this movie

 

Woah Sherry is telling us about her insane apocalyptic tsunami earthquake dreams she had BEFORE she heard about Japan. She's a prophet

 

She predicted the lottery and the death of a priest when she was a kid. Sherry Jean's psychic powers freakin me out gotta goooo

 

I wonder how many lies I've told myself in my whole life?

 

I might be shallow

 

my ex's roommate is the rent boy of the day hahahaha

 

Ok so this just happened: John said, "I love fucking you straight guys!" ?!?!?!?!

 

Oh and there was a slave blindfolded and tied up in a corner and "Walking On Broken Glass" came on his stereo and the lighting ruled.

 

March 13, 2011

This burner couple I'm waiting on is giving me straight Everquest

 

I’ve been taking ginkgo baloba and I think it's working. I'm very alert and also I keep having really crazy flashbacks

 

March 14, 2011

Is Shangela the most hated woman in America or what?

 

March 15, 2011

"I don't usually pick up 3 white people and a fish from this area." Our cab driver about me Maya @Adeptus_ and my new fish Taffy aka Tafita

 

I think my leg hair will be grown back by the time Britney plays in the Castro. That's the extent of my concept of time.

 

I shouldn't have said tranny chaser when I meant queen fucker

 

@swiftumz "Why don't you guys get in a fight in front of everyone like you used to do." GOOD ONE you bitch hahaha

 

I feel boundless and confident today. I hope ya'll do too! Anybody can do anything!

 

RT: @GeorgeMichael Hey guys, goodnight...

 

March 16, 2011

Miss Shannon: "The hair is good." Me: "Do you like it?" Shannon: "Yeah. Even if you have it off the back of a dog and glue it on."

 

I have my first teen stalker/fan on the internet, greeted by absolutely bizarre messages and fb chats from him every single morning now

 

RT: @JEALSD I AM NOT STANDING ON THIS PLANET I AM THIS PLANET ONE DAY I WILL BE THE SOIL ONE DAY I WILL BE THIS LAND SEA AND AIR I WILL RETURN HOME

 

RT: @JEALSD I AM EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE FOREVER

 

March 18, 2011

Sharon Stone is playing herself

 

March 19, 2011

a turn of the century period piece about an old timey saloon, the androgynous barmaid with a past and her beautiful pet fox

 

I've peed in a cup in the office twice today. He rents an office space with no bathroom. Whatever. I don't even wanna think about it.

 

She said she loves when I wait on her and when I'm not there she wants to put a gun in her mouth?! Wow you are fucking crazy bitch

 

March 20, 2011

Ok hours and hours of this Yankee candle and I'm kinda nauseous. I feel like there is a very thin scented wax coating on my brain now.

 

Jennifer Lopez is slowing killing Marc Antony

 

My favorite sex is with myself while someone watches and preferably pays me

 

Today I realize my crush and I will never work because he says he hates bad smells and I don't bathe...

 

The state rock of California is Serpentine?! Hmmmmm

 

March 21, 2011

From hereafter my crush will be referred to as Him

 

amazing homeless dude in a toga screaming "Are you a woman or a man?! I have to know! Can you show me?!" at me right outside of hair school

 

and the hottest barber that I'm obsessed with looked out at that very second and made eye contact with me right as I was laughing my ass off

 

and now back to Postcards From The Edge, literally and figuratively

 

March 22, 2011

Pretty sunny day. The sun looks hot today. I wanna fuck the sun.

 

Tomorrow I train my replacement! No more jacking off in the office for me

 

Dozed off in the barber chair

 

Crack pipe out on the bus. Just holding it in his hand, ready to light up whenever. I appreciate preparedness.

 

RT: @TotalMarino something trance music happened to my brain while working in a douche designer clothing store in a mall that cannot be undone..

 

March 23, 2011

Having ketamine around the house is kind of a funny idea

 

RT: @stereogamous “The problem with people who have no vices is that you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues." Liz Taylor

 

RT: @lonelyboi69 The moment when Artist walks into the club with his @PopeyesChicken every tuesday and I stumble over to beg for a thigh

 

RT: @MadonnaCovers ”I wanted to swing on a swing set with a velvet dress on. I wanted violet eyes and translucent skin." Madonna 1996

 

I was buying a vhs of Stop Making Sense from some guy on the street and the cops came. I still got the movie though haha

 

I like to type a random word into my iTunes and play all the songs that come up. featuring "waiting" right now

 

what if I was a centauress with the fore and hindquarters of a gazelle?

 

Talking about potential cat names. @Adeptus_ suggested Hussein or Terminus

 

I love laying around weirdin out wit @MylesUSA and @Adeptus_ my beautiful husband and handsome child

 

March 24, 2011

We're renaming our apartment the Fantasy Clinic

 

"Are you trying to give yourself acid reflux you little hare krishna bitch?" He is so romantic

 

Somebody asked me what I thought about the rain...I said it's gross but I'm grosser

 

I was on a gray yoga mat today. Looks so good against my translucent skin.

 

Hahaha Brontez just got a tattoo of the Mona Lisa with an afro

 

March 25, 2011

I had two separate dreams about ice cream shops last night! The last flavor I was eating was avocado jasmine camphor?! Seriously?!

 

Haha James Cameron's core crew that work with him all the time call the dark side of his personality Mij. Genius.

 

I'm gonna start calling Dark Alexis, Sixela instead

 

SIXELA

 

This drag queen looking chick has kidnapped a child and hogtied her on a bare mattress in this telenovela I'm watching at the laundry mat

 

Ok I'm sorry the Avatars did NOT at any point in that movie look real. Real racist maybe.

 

March 26, 2011

Jessica and Alia Atreides are my constant inspirations

 

I'm hurt and angry

 

"an avatar is a deliberate descent of a deity from heaven to earth"

 

New band, Dead Go Crazy

 

Had a dream about a hapless but well-meaning wizard except it took place in a series of hand-drawn stills like a childrens book...

 

March 27, 2011

Woke up next to this hot hairy ginger. Forgot about that. Hey...uh round 2?

 

Hahaha my horoscope: "You may not understand what is going on today - but don't bother trying."

 

Glad I ignored my initial inclination to eat what just came out of the zit I popped

 

Remembering something really weird I did this summer

 

I don't smoke, don't tan, barely eat carbs, I've cut down on drugs, I want the skin of a baby

 

March 28, 2011

"One of Gaiman's most commented-upon friendships is with the musician Tori Amos,"

 

Some skin from a red onion in my bed...

 

March 29, 2011

The world is so cute today! Lovin it

 

March 31, 2011

This new J.Lo video is like the Cell but if she went inside Pitbull's mind instead of a serial killer's

 

sometimes I forget that no matter how many tagged photos of someone I scroll through, I'm not gonna find a naked one

 

in this case I don't even really know what facebook is for

 

Had a horrifying dream about hiking through a phantasmagorical parking garage trying to find my mom's 87 Chevy Corsica for her

 

April 2, 2011

Vicki Marlene just booked me, I'm freaking out

I'm in the backseat of Miss Shannon's car...seriously

 

Everytime I want to bash on SF I cry at a drag show

 

Wait I got the molly on credit did I take it without thinking? I feel reakky tingly

 

I am really testing my friendships this week. I need to chill out.

 

Just pocket-dialed Calisto...

 

I'm sitting under the burned out bank of lights listening to Sisters of Mercy feeling haunted

 

I'm selling off this molly and going to the mall to buy underwear woo!

 

Some lady on the street to me, "Damn you so fine you made me trip on the sidewalk!" Haha aw sorry

 

April 3, 2011

"Madonna, I did not teach you how to put in a tampon, and if we got in bed together naked...I don't remember it."

 

@Adeptus_ "Is that Sultry Spice?"

 

I've had the same ponytail in for three days now

 

April 4, 2011

When I was drunk last night, my mink fell off my purse rack and I started so hard thinking I was being attacked by a rat

 

April 5, 2011

wiping my ass realness

 

April 6, 2011

Someone tonight told me I don't know how much power I have. Yes. I do know.

 

One drag queen's life-long struggle with spaghetti straps

 

Rubbed sage. That's hot.

 

Oh 3 people tonight told me they've witnessed me talking to myself alone on multiple occasions

 

April 7, 2011

We just ate pot food from WILLY we're obviously cabbing it home to lose our minds

 

Getting into oranges this week. Tryna limit my carb intake to fruit and booze only.

 

One day she drew a smiley face on the floor with some chemical, turned out the lights and lit it on fire. It melted a smiley into the tile.

 

Sending records out today! 2 to Japan and one to Spain, so chic!

 

April 8, 2011

Your taste preferences created this row. * Drugs * Dark * Gay & Lesbian

 

@Adeptus_ on Grey Gardens, "it's not changing my life it's making me feel weird about myself!"

 

April 9, 2011

I am so high

 

We're listening to the @TaRYThYaS album

 

We're watching this hyena eat a dead elephant's anus

 

@Adeptus_ "I always thought that guy was really handsome." Points to Jay from Jay and Silent Bob hahahahahahahaha

 

I love how all my "walking" shoes have a heel. Such an idiot

 

I told him if you believe that what you're doing is the most important thing in the room, than the audience will, too

 

April 10, 2011

I put on make-up for this? Sauvignon blanc, m n m's, a taco, pop chips, tortilla chips, an orange, trail mix on the table I'm high again

 

I relate strongly to the girl when she wakes up in Rob Schneider's body

 

So there are 1.4 days worth of unique Madonna songs on my itunes and @swiftumz and I are going to do mdma and listen to them all

 

"Stop Self-Sabotage with a Goddess Within Reading!" Um don't tempt me!

 

Yane is here, he said I'm playing "vignettes" right now, so true?!

 

"Open Your Heart" is my all time favorite Madonna song

 

April 11, 2011

Omg Ros from Fraisher is a voice in Final Fantasy the Spirits Within 

 

April 12, 2011

"That's not what I think it is, is it?!" "Yes, it's Gaia!" #thespiritswithin

 

everybody is such a drag queen

 

River god

 

April 12, 2011

Why is everyone so stressed out? I'm broke, loveless, a second-class citizen and look like an alien and I feel fucking great!

 

April 13, 2011

I DO remember a life altering blow job from him while I was driving my dad's car on the highway to this chick's party.

 

There is a mass of bubbles and water inching slowly across the floor at the laundry mat. Everyone in here is just watching it ackwardly...

 

RT: @MylesUSA Well I figured out how to play I'm Too Sexy on the piano

 

April 14, 2011

Tropical Malady

 

April 15, 2011

I know I'm going to kill it tonight at Charlie's, my home turf for almost 3 years, but I'm nervous about being backstage with Vicki Marlene!

 

This guy smells wild. Imagine if that was your scent. Maybe my first fragrance should be Wild by Alexis.

 

April 16, 2011

Smells like cut grass and it's a beautiful day, love it

 

When I take care of myself for a few days, my energy is limitless. Living the weird dream

 

RT @GinaLaDivina: Smiles at world

 

I would totally have gone for the Phantom. So down with the fucked up face

 

"You put this in me...now what?"

 

Who is Jenny Lewis and why am I looking at pictures of her house?

 

April 17, 2011

This guy just came at me with a knife but chickened out and hit me on the knee with the blunt end wtf!

 

You hit on some drag queen walking home and get rebuffed and pull a knife on her!!! So crazy

 

Oohh shit, last car. Nothing sexy, just a weird smell, one vampire and some travelers

 

RT @Juanita_more: Its gonna be a "Go ahead & try it" kinda day.

 

Oh also that knife did cut me I have hella dried blood on my leg, insane that I didn't notice it last night?! What a freaaak

 

Can you catch anything from a small knife wound? It's just a little nick

 

Think I slep through dinner or something

 

Listen kid I don't know where I am or who I am but I look great

 

April 18, 2011

RT @heltershelter: Die in your ego today. manson

 

Just did poppers alone and spilled a glass of water. Goodnight!

 

I always think this one hot drag who is never nice to me is a bitch but maybe she just shy...

 

RT @sondheimlyrics: Making my entrance again with my usual flair, sure of my lines -- no one is there. #alittlenightmusic

 

A good lesbian party would be COOL WATER

 

Just had a 3.1 earthquake in Oakland, Mary freaked out but I didn't feel it? I'm kinda woozy from this caffeine though haha

 

RT @nightfeelings: NEW YORKERS please book @ALEXISPENNEY 's lounge act May 11-20. I'm customizing midi files so she can sing standards

 

Omg me too RT @primopreems: there is a sick part of me that during small earthquakes is waiting for things to get exciting

 

"Look before you leap..." those pics in swim class with the kid diving into a lake of broken bottles and needles hahaha

 

Hahaha Sherry Jean just called to inform me I'm a dog, a bitch, a whore and a wench and to talk about a Color Me Badd song hahaha

 

"You were perfect as the home wrecker fly." Haha texts I love to receive.

 

COOL RT @SOPHIALAMARNYC: I JUST BOUGHT A PREGNANCY TEST A THE 99 CENT STORE, TO SEE HOW RELIABLE THEY ARE.

 

April 19, 2011

"There's no reason you can't kick it up a notch and start taking it seriously. Once you do what you love, things should start to click."

 

I love how a chill night watching tv with friends becomes freaked out at the club weird bathroom liasons and drugs and shit

 

RT @ALIENSEXFAG: HAVE U EVER BEEN DRUNK AND JUST SCREAMED "ANYTHING OFF FAME MONSTER"

 

I don't care how well I know you, if it's before noon I can't have a conversation on the street. I'm barely standing up right now

 

Waiting on a bunch of solitary anxious old weirdos

 

Oh haha I came out of the closet 10 years ago this month, isn't that weird/funny? Do people even do that anymore?

 

I been impersonating JFK singing "If ever I would leave you" all day it's really stupid

 

A phone number I don't recognize just texted me that they are performing Des'ree tonight at the club, so, get excited

 

Also this crazy lady on the corner slapped my ass then went and did a hand stand in the middle of the street in traffic uh watch out girl!

 

April 20, 2011

Always RT @Juanita_more: My wig is cute.

 

This butter lettuce just made me all nostalgic for my grandmother. RIP Cecilia Zilner, one of the coolest women ever

 

That thing where half a bag of coke and I'm still mellow and drowsy but one glass of white tea and I feel like I'm having a panic attack

 

The farmer from Babe killed everyone

 

Just saw a scene in a preview where Eddie Griffin and Orlando Jones undressed and switched clothes in a bathroom stall

 

Aka now I can jack off

 

Seriously so anxious from caffeine. Would weed help or hinder? Time to find out.

 

April 21, 2011

rushing to get all the businessy emails I procrastinated all day finished before this pot candy kicks in and I become a slug

 

Omg I am so high I'm like levitating

 

The Senator in this is the Senator that melted to death in the X-Men movie

 

That part in La Bamba when Lou Diamond Phillips is sleeping with his brother

 

I'm so high

 

I'm discorporeal

 

April 22, 2011

Anyway I did some k and then some people kinda like ditched me for the after party that's ok I actually got shit to do tomorrow

 

Tryna be humble

 

I gotta take more time to read books

 

I love going to bed knowin I'll wake up loving my beauty

 

We all know the real afterparty is me on k alone on the internet for hours

 

Hm forgot to look at my hair, face or clothes before I left the house. Gonna make this excursion as brief as possible...

 

cute tip: if you give to one charity, they all send you personalized mailing address labels, which I'm obsessed with

 

also it does feel good to give to charity. I only donate to the National HIV Research one and the Broadway/Equity Fights AIDS one

 

Joni Mitchell moments

 

RT @roydanielle: Burlesque is the movie Fosse would've made had he lived long enough to suffer dementia and bouts of color blindness

 

April 23, 2011

Also love when @monistat decides to perform last minute and pulls a wadded up leopard print dress out of her bra (?!?!) and puts it on (!!!)

 

Self-made man/womyn/thing

 

Lol that time when I passed out and woke up at the Lafayette station, phew, that station is gorgeeeeous tho

 

Anyway I'm the cleanest, most organized and most on it waitress at this dump, so, suck it, oh also I have a life

 

How can a store have everything and nothing at the same time?

 

I wish I could get some wisteria to grow in my room

 

I would actually love to live inside a sentient weeping willow

 

Ooh the hills look gorgeous in the fog today. California you so pretty

 

Hella ripped off by this fucked up John man, fuckin so pissed right now.

 

April 24, 2011

Well it took a voicemail from Miss Shannon to give me hope for today

 

Jon and Kate Plus Eight Drag Queens

 

My internal pep talks are so funny. I just thought to myself, "Hella spinach on that plate you healthy bitch."

 

At George Kay's in Oakland aka George Gay's

 

Chastity is doing Judy Garland Live at Carnegie Hall in its entirity, btw, a gay dream to watch

 

April 25, 2011

"The last album recorded with Labelle...was the Chameleon album..."

 

PATTI LABELLE IS ON THE GROUND

 

Patti Labelle is cocaine

 

One of my bosses is a banjo player from Vermont and we're listening to blue grass in the back and I love it

 

Also I think I might be amicably ending my relationship with poppers

 

Ok I'll do ya one further, I want to quit drinking but I'm afraid to stop, phew

 

@brandebtw "This show makes me wish I was a man. Cuz I would be so good at doing my makeup."

 

RuPaul's Hairline's Drag Race

 

I have a crush on @carmen_carrera

 

April 26, 2011

Oh my fucking god so high my microbes ions are vibrating out of their souls

 

Sooooooooooooooooooooo hi

 

I can't believe how high I am, I feel so insane

 

April 27, 2011

Made myself get up early for the noon yoga, pretty stoked about that, starting to feel like a human again.

 

Actually less like a human and more like a node in the spiritual switchboard of the universe

 

I have this thing in my mouth that is making me feel insane #sore

 

April 28, 2011

The thought of an arranged marriage used to be kind of hot to me...like taking anon scene to a really weird place

 

Laughing thinking about Donald Trump becoming president. I think people want it. That's fine, whatever.

 

April 29, 2011

I love when you can tell someone wrote their own Wikipedia page

 

My favoritish part of the day is when I wake up and prop myself up on one elbow, sleep mask pushed up to my forehead, to survey my domain

 

I used to croak "Water! Water!" until @Adeptus_ would bring me some but now I just stare wistfully at the door

 

April 30, 2011

My wacko ex was born in '79

 

So weird/hot coatcheck guy puts googly eyes on his poop and takes pictures of it on his phone. Like hundreds. Fucking weird.

 

4 reasonably attractive, financially secure white people walk into a bar, but they're not necessarily any more happy or well-adjusted

 

This dude I slept with some last year will just randomly text me the word "lick" that is so fuckin weird dude

 

RT @AmyWastings: Once I have a bird in my hand I squeeze it until its eyes pop out...and that scares the shit out of the two in the bush.

 

Me: "my chest hair is coming in!" @brandebtw : "Mine too!"

 

May 1, 2011

Oh god I read the best/worst erotic story about a time traveling guy who ends up having sex wit a caveman hahaha

 

Augustin's wife is pregnant and he's sooo flirty now! He was rubbing my ear (??? Loved it!!!) And said, "...don't think, just do it..." Ok?!

 

When did "old school" weasel its way into my vocabulary without me noticing? Same with "hella" and every other dumb thing I say

 

I'm trying to give off well-read Valley Girl

 

One time as a kid we had a week long HBO preview in the summer and I watched Clueless 3 times a day every day and it changed me

 

I've busted my mom drinking and watching Glitter alone on multiple occasions

 

RT @Rosie: i am missing the judds on OWN for this .... better be good

 

RT @RyanPasqualetto: I understand that he's a terrible person and deserves what he's gotten, but no one should feel "Happy" about another persons death....

 

RT @SusanPowter: "...the 9/11 mastermind..." not if you can read...

 

RT @LilMissHotMess: If only profit, war, imperialism and blind patriotism were killed too, then there might be something to celebrate.

 

May 2, 2011

"I was like tripping on acid for two weeks. I was hitchhiking from Luxembourg to Paris I had no idea where I was!" - Grace Jones

 

So I came to at 6 this am in all my clothes and I have no idea how I got home, last thing I remember is reading Callisto's awful brother

 

RT @yokoono: Tape the sound of your baby son crying. Let him listen to the tape when he is going through pain as a grown man.

 

The only words I identify strongly with are "alien" and "mutant"

 

And goddess

 

Insane hangover

 

I'm gonna go ahead and say Bin Ladin was fuckin hot

 

Miguel told me he loves me like he loves watching tv ??! :/ and then told me the plot of She's Out Of Your League...

 

Don't mind me, I'm just wasted

 

If I was an article of clothing I guess I'd be Bra

 

Today's lesson is: IT TAKES ALL KINDS

 

You gotta have your Osamas, Obamas, punks, squares, hacks, yahoos and beautiful genre defying drag queens hahaha

 

I feel like a barely contained force of nature

 

and our next caller sounds like Woody Allen and is named Marty and if I do this shit tonight I am taking myself to dinner

 

um better yet I'm taking a cab to Safeway and buying myself the dish soap I deserve to be using

 

Up in the hills. The city looks so beautiful from here. This stupid gay beautiful pile of shit I love you

 

May 3, 2011

Crate and Barrel Catalogue K Hole

 

Lol my old roommate from back home, "You're the only girl that will text me back this late."

 

I kind of hate thrillers. I have enough thrills

 

My street sounds like the apocalypse all the time. People screaming, crying, sirens...very soothing

 

Trying not to cross my legs anymore. My chiro says it fucks with your spinal alignment.

 

There were so many juices flowing on my lunch plate today. I have access to such a diverse bounty of food and totally take it for granted!

 

I have such a crazy litany of standards I'm gonna cover when I'm old...like 30 hahaha

 

RT @lonelyboi69: writin my final paper for class on what i learned as @ALEXISPENNEY intern, lets see: how to properly tuck, whats in a tequila sunrise...

 

May 4, 2011

Cleaned house, mailing records, buying comics, doing laundry, where are all the cameras today?!

 

Going to yoga in a yeah slutty nude look

 

"The most violent century in history..." That line really has me thinking today.

 

my day isn't really complete until I look through every tagged photo of @GODDOLLARS and save shirtless ones to my desktop

 

May 5, 2011

My Timeline aka My Memory

 

I'm feeling today like my stupid cousin must have felt that one year when he got really politica, grew a goattee and cried every day

 

I love trucks with girls' faces painted on them

 

I love when someone just straight up does not recognise me in a boy look. Like...hey I've known you for a really long time

 

I'm trying to describe my outfit it's kind of...the mom on Captain Ron

 

3rd time at the laundry mat this week. And probably my last for awhile. Gonna make it count. I like it here. Very chill.

 

May 6, 2011

Dancer came over and we drank wine and laid in bed and talked. Damn

 

I love @nightfeelings more than anything

 

I'm spending the day in bed with a brief yoga reprieve then I'm going to put on makeup and perform for sorority girls

 

RT @FlatbushCtyLmts: Wish I could pull my eyes out of their sockets, juggle 'em around & twirl 'em like fucking spinning plates to do the most epic eyeroll ever.

 

comic book characters are the closest thing I have to saints or deities, but I think it works the same

 

Quick apology to all the people who see my balls at yoga

 

Hahaha RT @DeDeDeVille: @ALEXISPENNEY I havnt seen your balls in forever. ;)

 

Definitely just dumped glitter in my drink...that's fine

 

May 7, 2011

Someone just licked Aurora's ear. That's not a tip!

 

"A hipster is someone who uses their hips in a futile way." - Ben McCoy !!! Favorite writer alert

 

"Only lonely people touch their cell phones in public." - Ben McCoy

 

"A whore is a job for a person who doesn't like having a job." - Ben McCoy

 

I shouldn't attempt to sleep in an under $10 cab

 

"Take it witH a carb...which you don't eat." @MylesUSA on these AntihangOver pills. GonnA take one and rEport back!

 

I just stepped in a pile of lo mein. They're testing me, these carbs

 

Omg the Hangover part --- over here

 

Help me

 

I'm sad about Karen Carpenter today

 

But happy about many other things

 

This hangover is like my version of the pebble in Jesus' sandle

 

Divas on Acid House

 

RT @colinself: Oops! I forgot I have shakras.

 

Sherry Jean is this 55 year old insane waitress from Pittsburg who's worked here for years and is the most unique person I've ever met

 

She's wasted she just started singing "Rubber Ducky"

 

Worst fucking hangoverrrrrrrrrrr

 

it was that entire plastic cup of tequila I drank at the end of the night

 

Bernie bless her heart was like "Oh I got distracted while I was pouring, do you need a side of a mixer?" I was like Nahhh

 

just because I say "hold me" a lot doesn't mean I mean it any less each time I say it. in fact I might mean it more

 

RT @roydanielle: Letting a queen drunk-drive you around on the highway really screams ''SUMMER'' to me

 

May 8, 2011

RT @GeorgeTakei: Memories / Mama like bamboo / Her sheltering leafy branches / Resilient 'gainst the camp winds / I gaze to the sky and feel her smile --GT

 

Married just called me Mr. I'm Gettin In A Better Mood Every Day - "what's wrong with you?" I don't know! Hahaha

 

I was saying that I've been in a really good mood lately and Molly says, "Probably means you've died all the way inside." Hahaha probably

 

My dad, "Keep your inhaler with you!" Me: "I don't have an inhaler???" "Oh, well, don't have an asthma attack!"

 

It's official, I'm going on my first Penney family vacation in 4 years on July 23-30th. Gonna be a mess I'm sure

 

Oh cute you're sitting next to me on the train smoking crack

 

Believe it or not I've never smoked crack :/

 

Where Are They Now? That shy preppy girl in high school that we all just called, "Hi, Bev!" Cuz her mom's name was Bev hahaha

 

My weird compulsion to cut out every picture of Jennifer Anniston I see and put them in my file folder...

 

May 9, 2011

I just called my orchid "little girl"......she is my little girl though

 

I don't even think I can claim ownership. I thinks he is her own woman. all my plants are.

 

I feel the most attractive I've ever felt. And singler than ever. Which beats feeling ugly and being in a relationship I think.

 

RT @FamousWomen: Lots of people want to ride with u in the limo, but what u want is someone who will take the bus with u when the limo breaks down. -Oprah

 

I couldn't even pack light for the drag show on Friday, I had 3 pairs of shoes with me hahaha what a freak

 

I always forget about voicemails. I had a ton and they were all really weird. Hello just text me

 

I'm gonna fuck with this crossword see if I still know English

 

Elizabeth Taylor donated $10,000 to the charity of Kathy Ireland's choice just to get her to say the word fuck hahahahaha amazing

 

"With Rock Hudson, she shared a love of chocolate martinis." Gag

 

May 9, 2011

my packing vibes... "Guess which one of these is Forever 21?" "Fuck, is this gonna zip?!" "Clean up the palette!"

 

"This is a child's bra."

 

took a computer break still-wearing said child's bra and someone is out on the balcony with a direct view. Read em and weep.

 

May 10, 2011

maybe just...an olive or something before I brush my teeth

 

Just got an email, some company in Asia wants to sell "Lonely Sea" as ringtones hahahaha um yes please

 

I love all the old-school drag queens on twitter now. It's like the new parents on facebook

 

Omg my wrists are barking

 

@JEALSD "the girl who blogged"

 

RT @JC_house: I have faith that God is living out a divine plan through me. Have faith in God. -Mark 11:22

 

Woah this seat is low

 

May 11, 2011

I'm continually honored by the presence of a performer whom I insulted so horribly with whom I've since made amends, thank goddess

 

Must get up and pack my toiletries aka my life blood

 

I can't believe I slept in this dress what is my problem haha

 

I think I have to euthanize my fish right now it's definitely languishing

 

Boiling the fish was vaguely traumatic

 

I put on quite a show at the ticketing counter.

 

May 12, 2011

Brooklyn is cute, I forgot what New York looks like even. Very um classic. I got called Boy George already

 

May 13, 2011

I'm taking a dump while @COBAININACOMA reads a Christwire.org article about power bottoming aloud to me hahaha

 

RT @Ladyfag: @ALEXISPENNEY Thank you for understanding the chicness of a proper highwaisted pleat front pant.

 

RT @SusanPowter: "Friday the l3th called particularly "unlucky because it combined the Goddess's sacred day with her sacred number...."

 

RT @SusanPowter: ”Furies: also called Erinyes, the Furies personified the vengeful moods of the Triple Goddess, the punisher of the sinners." Sexy...

 

Chips on the vespa

 

Train ride with no magazine or distractions so I chewed off all my fingernails. That's cool

 

Met a lot of people from twitter in New York so far

 

I remember winter back home it reminds me of cheap beer and bad coke

 

I spilled some make-up sealer on my arm last night and it's gathering dirt all day looks cool

 

RT @MylesUSA: I am at the glaad awards a gay cop just auctioned off a day with betty white for 4250 dollars

 

30 people in this van listening to the Breeders

 

May 15, 2011

RT @monistat: Do u ever run into hotels to poop

 

May 16, 2011

Ahhhh New York I love you. It's 6 am of course again

 

May 17, 2011

RT @RyanPasqualetto: Had a great night with Ashley. Saw a movie, ate pink berry, and talked about our issues <3

 

RT @biblesummary: 2Sam16: Absalom came to Jerusalem. Ahithophel advised Absalom to sleep with David's concubines.

 

My new drag name might be Absalom

 

I may never leave this rose scented canopy bed

 

RT @LaurenDevine: if anyone gets a sext from me today, its from @ALEXISPENNEY : my sexretary. leaving the phone at home is stressful. thank god for help.

 

Me and @Lauren_Devine_ making really chic dinner for @ultrademon , she goes, "Should we eat by candle light or strobe?" Hahaha

 

May 18, 2011

RT @GaneshBaba: The burden of the self is lightened when I laugh at myself. - Tagore

 

RT @nickschollVEVO: god once a musical theatre girl figures out she has chest voice, she will grab on and never let go.

 

RT @OMGregory: Real friends don't let friends blue steel.

 

May 19, 2011

Ok down to my last $100 let's do this NYC

 

There are actually hella queens on the street here. This muscle dude snapping his fingers at me hahaha

 

Hahaha gonna walk the high line while I wait for my clone to get out of a meeting, New York moments

 

I wonder if cosmic entities sigh and say bitterly how small the whole of existence is

 

RT @hurrrjurrr: It's a "Poem"-scented incense, "Sadeness Pt 1" pandora station, and unhurried diarreah kind of morning

 

May 20, 2011

Yes traveling in heels may be impractical but I look tall, crazy and cool

 

I wanna quantify whatever alien quality I seem to possess that makes people stare at me whatever I'm wearing, bottle it, sell it, die rich

 

May 21, 2011

I'm obviously rooting through every tagged picture of someone and saving the ones I wanna look at all the time

 

I think crushes are nice to take my mind off of myself once in awhile

 

hm PG&E bill went down. probably because I've been doing less drugs/squatting over the heater for hours

 

I always gotta hug the heater when I'm on drugs I dunno why

 

RT @ParisHilton: Wow! It's so hot in Dubai! I can't wait to get on the yacht and into the water.

 

I'm working with a pregnant girl and an old lady in a diner, very much like that incredible apocalypse movie Legion

 

Except for, re: the Rapture, Sherry Jean, "Wha.....is that today?" She's really out of it today haha

 

Martin and I just ate mushrooms, whoops

 

May 22, 2011

I walked by a couple hella fast and the girl goes, "that's how you burn calories right there..."

 

Was just musing to myself about how much I love pigeons and then saw pigeon guy feeding one out of his hand, so fucking adorable

 

RT @colinself: Hung over or still drunk? Vote here!

 

This crusty dude started at work, he's hot and has his jaw wired shut. He smells good. I'm willing to look past the dreads.

 

California is all about looking past the dreads.

 

Loving that the crusty is just straight up washing dishes in giant Creepers hahaha

 

Goddess thank you for all the good stuff I have to be grateful for, you generous bitch hahaha.

 

Bangin' show tunes

 

Haha love walking by someone I've fucked and both of us pretending we've never met. Okkkk creep, you bled on my dick, hello

 

May 23, 2011

Thought my internet was throwing a show, turns out I forgot to pay it. Thank goddess for internet on the phone. I'm so drunk.

 

RT @RuPaul: Samantha on BEWITCHED: Spiritual being having a human experience

 

RT @RuPaul: BEWITCHED: Casting spells are meant to change YOUR inside world - not the outside world

 

That part at the end of "Going Down" where Patti is whispering "so good...so good.......so good........"

 

Today's Spanish lesson involves fingering aka dediando hahaha. Gracias a dios

 

I need....some silk suits

 

I'm so hungover that I'm identifying with this awful Three Doors Down song. Bad sign.

 

Ok I admit it I stress about the Palestinian occupation sometimes

 

RT @LaurenDevine: I’m so into my boyfriend. Hes a lady in the parlor a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the sheets. I couldn't ask for more.

 

RT @SOPHIALAMARNYC: It is not abou,t better or worse, good or bad, lower or higher. It is about people's incapacity to understand the DIFFERENCE.

 

May 24, 2011

Insane nervous sobriety insomnia right now! Can't I just sleeeeeeop plzzz

 

I had to get real with this high school girl today. I am so crazy when I'm sober.

 

Two teens here today. I made puppy dog eyes at one askin a favor and she said, "I can't say no to those eyes, or those nipples." Cool.

 

Tonight...she rides

 

RT @GaneshBaba: Even a thought, even a possibility, can shatter us and transform us.– Nietzsche

 

Tell me your secrets! Mine are all boring

 

Many Worlds Theory

 

I like all the different dimensions of social strata that occupy the same physical space but completely ignore each other

 

Ok I'm tearing up over a Biggest Loser RADIO SPOT. Purely audio! 

 

I want to smell like someone is making creme brulee and curing leather in an ashram, like smokey, spicey and sweet

 

May 25, 2011

Back to yoga after two weeks off. This is gonna be rough

 

ok I kind of DO want to go see my coworker's blue grass show in Alameda, not gonna happen but I wouldn't hate it...

 

RT @yokoono: Whisper your desire to the wind. Ask the wind to take it to the end of the world.

 

My mother is a force of nature on her own, watch out tornadoes...

 

RT @JC_house: I have faith that God is living out a divine plan through me. Have faith in God. -Mark 11:22

 

Hey I just got booked to play Folsom Street Fair. Who's horny?

 

My mom is wasted

 

She said she was at her Mormon friend's basement during the tornadoes and her and her bff were pissed cuz there was no booze hahaha

 

Also she got an infection that came in thru a crack on her heel during a pedicure and made her ankle swell up so she's on hella pain pills

 

She's all, "I party too!" Um I know mom hahaha

 

What is the truth?

 

Having some vocal breakthroughs over here today

 

May 26, 2011

If you could only see me doing push-ups naked right now

 

my stomach is upset and I blame these tight jeans, which I did just find a bag of coke in

 

which is weird cuz I haven't bought coke in months and haven't worn these jeans in weeks. free drugs...

 

Same bus twice in one day in the same outfit albeit with more makeup on. And there's another queen on here.

 

They're tight on my bottom rib aka my waist?!

 

RT @BoBarnes: My signature look is trying to look as ugly as I can without actually looking ugly

 

May 27, 2011

Last night's sex...thank u Aunt Charlie's insane drinks, Gallo Family, and poppers

 

Hey I got fucked! Back on the wagon. Thank god for not that huge dicks.

 

Dude was really hot and comes here for work once a month. He sat down next to me at the bar and it was all over.

 

He wrote his number down on my desk, my eyebrows are still intact 

 

hey cool so they're NOT garnishing my wages anymore. 1/2 of my government debacle is solved...

 

that thing where you don't remember if you've actually met someone or just stalked them online a bunch

 

@IsaacRichard I dreamt that my computer memory banks existed physically as stacks and stacks of records in a forest glade!

 

@IsaacRichard and then I had a really stressful dream about drawing on my eye brows over and over

 

My mom called me a "free spirit" and said she told someone I'm "finding myself" ew!

 

Gonna go wash these sheets. You know why.

 

I'm calling my day look "well-manicured face of a grunge alien"

 

May 28, 2011

This bra left a mark. I'm djing in a skirt and nothing else, too hot up here!

 

I want more songs with whale song in them!!!!! Including my own!!!

 

I only bra shop once a month! RT @MagicalLegs: @ALEXISPENNEY i feel like u take all the good b cup bras from thrift town and i am mad!

 

I feel disgusting

 

internally that is

 

Externally, I feel so sexy and beautiful

 

Circle jerk with Multiple Man

 

Sherry is telling the most insane story involving "Rhiannon" and an island and baseball... 

 

RT @kirstiealley: Signing off for a while.......Beastie Boys got me goin....DROP!!!!!!

 

May 30, 2011

RT @Oprah_World: The world has so many lessons to teach you. -Oprah

 

My mother doesn't let water touch her face even in the shower, takes her makeup off with cold cream then slathers on vaseline

 

if you date me you also date my night cream. and my makeup. and my itunes. and I tell everyone I know everything that happens between us.

 

Made hella plat with my druid in Everquest teleporting people around for donations

 

No Country For Men

 

June 1, 2011

Oh man took mushrooms at 3 am and hooked up with our door guy. #highfantasyyall

 

Trying to go back to sleep, trying not to hurl

 

Jesus, these kumquats...

 

Sauteed kumquats in olive oil with dill and fennel seed, then drizzled the left-over oil on my chicken. Pretty satisfied with this

 

@OMGregory "Let's all get wasted in this chat room right noe."

 

June 3, 2011

I love brushing my hair.

 

I've eked out a real posh little life in this mess of a town.

 

Ok my butcher leaned across the counter, smiled and said "Nice to see you..." He TOTALLY likes me, right?!

 

June 4, 2011

We're cute! RT @GODDOLLARS: My conversations in the aether with @ALEXISPENNEY last night were so crucial.

 

@pictureplane omg made bed and crystal on the pillow!!! So cute! I miss you baby

 

I see a lot of dogs hotter than their owners

 

June 5, 2011

I read like deja vu is when the exact same thing is happening to you in multiple universes, but it happens less and less as you age

 

Because the more choices you make, the more divergent realities are created with less commonality between them

 

man my mom does her makeup so insane

 

very distcint memories of traveling with my folks, waking up to the sound of my mom clacking compacts and brushes around for hours every am

 

June 6, 2011

The heaviest bag I have with me is my purse?! Genius

 

There's people who act right but are secretly so shady in tiny weird ways. I feel bad for them, that would eat me up from the inside.

 

RT @GODDOLLARS: Annie is Oliver Twist in drag.

 

Aw this old drunk lady got on in Chico and couldn't find a seat, there were 4 empty she was just too wasted to find em

 

June 7, 2011

Woah that rest stop water...metallic, with a little chunk of something? I'm fantasizing that I'm now incubating something exotic

 

I can't sleep in my bed I don't know why I expect to be able to sleep sitting on a bus

 

My seatmates arm is all over me and honestly it's nice

 

Everything that just happened I'm blaming on that god damn salad from Sacramento.

 

June 8, 2011

So today, threw up for the first time in a year, wrote a rad new song, hung out with good new friends, stomach is messed up, whatevs! :)

 

I'm 4 days without alcohol! Can I get a wtf

 

June 9, 2011

closed my credit card with the palm trees on it. I will probably save it in my wallet just for decor.

 

RT @OMGregory: Twitter has tricked us all into believing our every thought is important enough to voice to the world...AND I NEVER WANNA GO BACK.

 

I'm gay and I like musicals

 

Warm breeze, the smell of Honey cooking dinner and Psychic TV in the living room, soo cozy

 

"The tunnels were designed to keep the characters of Frontierland from walking through Tomorrowland to get to work,"

 

"Your gay voice brings out my California accent."

 

Just convinced @honeyannowens to join twitter! heeeey girl!

 

@honeyannowens "How do you stop following someone?" Already?! Haha

 

RT @roydanielle: ''Friend Request Your Vaguely Alternative New Coworker''

 

RT @roydanielle: ''Passive-aggressively Tweet Your Oblivious 19yo Out-of-State Crush''

 

RT @roydanielle: ''Scratch Your Cat''

 

RT @roydanielle: ''Accidentally Text Your Mom Because Her Name Is Tina But You Wanted Some Meth''

 

This poor teen sitting next to me has nothing to entertain him but a hemp bracelet, a pencil, mardi gras beads and some post-its?!

 

He was doodling on the post-its now he's sleeping. I should see if he wants to do some computer work for me haha

 

This guy is pissed because the girl that has a restraining order against him keeps texting him

 

RT @TheRealRoseanne: tracy morgan is a stupid fucking idiot.

 

Lol taking the Greyhound with a Guitar Hero thingy poking out of your backpack. Genius.

 

Weird college tweaker next to me now. He can't seem to chill he keeps cursing and going to the bathroom.

 

Usually if I can't tell what gender someone is featuring I'm attracted to them

 

@Cookie_Dough_ your gay son should be named Dijon

 

My summer look is Tom Cruise in Rainman gets a little spiritual and experiments with makeup

 

Something is on fire. Not sure if it's on the bus or off. Let's hope off but I'm ready for anything.

 

I imagine my father professing a romantic love for me. Sorry for dumping that on you.

 

Incredible juxtaposition of gorgeous scenery with this putrid bus toilet smell

 

Gotta find a teenage boy who sings operatic soprano and can act. I gotta find him for many reasons.

 

The bus just dinged an suv while turning. Woops. Drivers are talking. Everyone on the bus is delighting to act put out.

 

I will make a woman out of my next boyfriend that's for sure.

 

This bus actually just smells like the street I live on.

 

RT @FamousWomen: Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it. -Helen Keller

 

I've never felt the Goo Goo Dolls harder than I am in this Center Point, OR Taco Bell

 

These cool thuggy dyke juggalo types just totally clocked me. Sup ladies?

 

Has the stylist for Twilight ever actually been to the Northwest? Hellooo

 

My seat mate neglected to inform me about this bump in my ponytail! Hello!!! That's why everyone's staring at me!

 

Bought a neck pillow from the truck stop

 

I guess that's just an invitation to pee myself

 

Then again, isn't everything?

 

This leg of my journey I'm going to call, "personal challenge"

 

June 11, 2011

Omg teen with the stuffed animal in his backpack totally pulled a Jacob and got tough with someone over the bathroom line

 

Security guard also said my hair was tight.

 

Driving past my old house, what a dump

 

Sherry Jean tottering around whispering "Who's that lady? Whooo's that ladyyy...?" sexy under her breath. God save us

 

Teen girls on the train discussing progeria vs Benjamin Button

 

home and unpacked and hm maybe that smell on the bus was me the whole time...

 

my dad's footnote to the family vacation itinerary: "take a shower!"

 

RT @Oprah_World: I always knew I was destined for greatness. -Oprah

 

June 12, 2011

"...likens her hangovers to being a mermaid too long at shore."

 

Just drive the train through the fire, fuck it, I'm bored

 

There comes a time when a young lady turns a corner in her life...and loves sour cream where once she loathed it.

 

My grandma says she feels better than ever and has a great life. That's kind of amazing.

 

June 13, 2011

Tennessee and I held hands for awhile and then didn't talk about it...!!!

 

RT @TheRealRoseanne: i pity heterosexuals, I really do. Most are so boring--and full of fetishes about romance and babies.

 

Still loling that my moms are doing Britney and Gaga at bible school

 

June 14, 2011

Had cool sex last night

 

I'm gonna write a book titled "Why to Go On in a Reality Devoid of All Meaning" or maybe just "the Absence of Meaning"

 

I'm being a little crazy today

 

My internal monologue reads like a deranged queen hijacked Oprah magazine

 

I think that we are always both genders at the same time or that there actually isn't a difference. It's like quantum computers. 1 0 + both

 

scored two lace front wigs! kind of cute ones. which I will never wear but horde and brush like a little freak.

 

I wonder how crazy I was being last night. I thought I didn't drink very much but I actually downed two bottles of wine by myself

 

just realized my ass is getting hairier. like, way.

 

June 15, 2011

Tina Benez is in town CHANGING MY LIFE AS USUAL!!!!! The following are excerpts from our convo

 

*stage whisper* "Alexis! My hotel room is too big!!!! There's five closets!!! I put a dress in each one!!!"

 

"It's bigger than this bar! And this bar's bigger than Manhattan!!!"

 

"This hotel room has a KITCHEN TABLE! I asked them if I could sublet the hallway!!!"

 

I got an order for a Lonely Sea 7'' from Jakarta, Indonesia, so crazy. The shipping is $43!!

 

Dragging my drunk ass to yoga

 

White zinfandel! Also love the white merlot! RT @GalloFamily: @ALEXISPENNEY Thanks for the support! Whats your favorite varietal? :)

 

Starting with the cutie in the Mariachi band that plays accordion under my window 7 days a week in aviators and cowboy hat wita toothpick...

 

I've been phasing out some of my wicker and also have plans to phase into darker sheets.

 

You have to think about these things...

 

June 16, 2011

I hate when I'm tryna be sexy but I have the craziest gas

 

We wound up at a weird straight party and I made out with both dudes who live here! They're so hot! STILL GOT IT!

 

One of my favorite party tricks is to take a giant offensive dump

 

I want to date the security guard at US Bank! I'm pretty sure I tweeted this a year ago.

 

My summer look is drag queen on holiday only wears her father's clothes

 

June 17, 2011

RT @TheOldHollywood: ”It's said in Hollywood that you should always forgive your enemies because you never know when you'll have to work with them."- Lana Turner

 

Showered, shaved, moisturized, eye brows on, essential oils on...have to keep reminding myself that my cousin is not trying to date me

 

Unless he is hahaha

 

"I never said I wasn't a snob. I only said I wasn't afraid of being poor." -Truman Capote

 

June 18, 2011

My cousin just asked me if I wanted to go to the speakeasy! Um, yes bitch!!!

 

Me and my cousin are in Miss Shannon's car!!!!!!

 

I'm literally in a car with my cousin while Miss Shannon is driving around giving condoms to working t girls in the Tenderloin. So amazing.

 

Ok, my cousin is amazing. We passed out in my bed doing poppers and...I won't say anymore ;) hahahaha

 

RT @SOPHIALAMARNYC: What if heaven is shitty? where all those gay babies going? And Oliver Twist ? and the one that bamboozle ? SHITTY!

 

I straight up slept on my parents bedroom floor for like 5 years that is so bizarre to remember.

 

Why did I just get on the ground and tie Sherry's shoe?

 

This is the part of the day where Sherry goes from cooky making a little sense to out of control speaking some alien Gaelic sing song

 

I think the weirdest part is that I actually got along with someone I'm related to

 

I feel like shit. I feel good. I feel like I was watching the sun come up doing poppers in bed with my cousin. Damn he is so cool.

 

Got a number last night and saved it as Joel Somebody

 

A fun pregame ritual is to sit at your kitchen table and drink alone

 

June 19, 2011

I get you Jesus I get you Buddha I get you Shiva I get you Madonna. Fuck pop culture fuck you parents fuck you.

 

Aything that's inside of me is inside and outside of you and everyone.

 

Omg memories of taking my sister to the mall during her "trouble" phase and her hella shoplifting from American Eagle

 

RT @JC_house: Today I declare my freedom in Christ from anything that has bound or limited me.

 

Or maybe she's normal and I'm just a mutant.

 

A happy mutant

 

Ever look sidelong at the white lettering on highway exit signs in the daylight? They're beautiful. Like glitter.

 

Talked to my dad. He is so weird and funny. He asked if my cousin set off my gaydar hahahahaha

 

My sister, "I never pay for my own drinks. I don't even spend $1 when I go out." Okay?!?!

 

Wonder if Jeff Trade knows Joel Somebody

 

June 20, 2011

Mrs. Henderson-Cohen. 7th grade Computer Dimensions teacher. A fucking nutcase. First person I knew who self-identified as psychic.

 

Honestly, I will tell anyone that is going through anything that yoga will help.

 

Ok I'm really itchy.

 

Watching a documentary on the San Francisco Opera. In bed. My room smells like vanilla.

 

June 21, 2011

My gender is Woman Hits Man

 

June 22, 2011

Just spent an hour lip synching at my computer

 

Wuhhh sitting here having sick earthquake fantasies. Grab the laptops, throw pillows under the glass racks, get under the table!

 

All these weird skin things. I feel this is penance for something I've done. Not wearing clothes for awhile.

 

Eating naked is funny

 

You know that one hot guy that keeps seeing you at your craziest?

 

I'm going to do the dishes naked

 

Totally naked all day but I did fill in my eye brows.

 

Don't let me tweeting about itching discourage any of you from sleeping with me

 

It's Pride weekend, if you don't have or catch scabies you're an outcast

 

The letters page in National Geographic is a little out of control

 

"Many people think that all yaks are wild."

 

"...other abiding pterosaur enigmas."

 

"..phantasmagoria of music, incense, blizzards of doves, camels laden with cinnamon, elephants in golden slippers, bulls with gilded horns."

 

June 23, 2011

"If only he were your cousin's DOG than he would be your perfect fantasy!"

 

Helping @monistat set up for her one-woman show tonight at Truck. She stuffed a wad of $ in my hand and sent me to fetch some tulle

 

Ew! Scuz from Sat night just texted, "How's my boy?" She's identifying as a girl currently, please hold!!!

 

June 24, 2011

M: "Remember we went to North Beach?" Tina: "And we pooped our pants! We're both lactose intolerant!"

 

"Because felching...is very 2000...11." -@monistat

 

You know what I fuckin love? Dykes in trucks. So much.

 

Had a really romantic dream about my cousin last night also involving @MylesUSA and the end of the world

 

Soooo many insane half-memories at this Carl's Jr/Green Burrito on 7th and Market...like...I can't even revisit that time in my life

 

My hair is gone! Feelin like GI Jane over here

 

June 25, 2011

Oh, it's the new girl that I haven't spoken a single word to. Don't really feel like it's gonna happen today.

 

Shit, talked to her

 

And now is the time of day when the replies to my drunk facebook messages start rolling in.

 

I think I have scabies. Calling them maybies until I get them comfirmed. Happy pride :)

 

June 26, 2011

Dajae just played! I sang on the same stage as Dajae!!! House vocalist dreams!!! She was amazing!!! "Brighter dayssssss!!!"

 

June 27, 2011

SooooOooooOOoo dRuBk. And. DeliriouS

 

Threw up on my self a little. Happy pride :)

 

Debilitatingly hungover. So far I've managed to throw up, drink some water and eat a few spoonfulls of honey. Back to bed for awhile...

 

I can't remember who I got in a fight with but I did make out with someone forever that you wouldn't believe...

 

I haven't been this hungover...since Pride last year haha

 

I can't remember who all I've slept with this month...

 

Got some cool sunglasses from a street vendor. "For you? 3$. I don't have to pay rent." I like his attitude.

 

Also shout-out to my girl May, the Walgreens Beauty Advisor

 

Dajae totally killed it yesterday

 

I don't have a clue what's going on in this flick but there's a lot of taffita and a lot of dancing so I like it

 

RT @SusanPowter: Crap, processed shit, nothing complex about em; carbs....

 

June 28, 2011

Currently living for: Truman Capote's voice

 

Zzzzzing through an online food safety class. The pictures are pretty amazing. Wait why are we talking about red algae?

 

RT @RealBaiLing: Suddenly Sadness cast over me like a shadow ... I feel my soul my heart and life's beauty...

 

What do you guys think, does Morgellons exist?

 

I think that only speaking English is racist

 

Oh did I mention that me and Roxanne are doing a focus group tomorrow where we get paid to taste top shelf liquor? Hello

 

RT @NickyHilton: I could listen to "Halo" by Beyonce all day and never get tired of it!

 

June 29, 2011

Potential suitors: prefer she over he and prefer flowers over candy but both is fine

 

Nothing like watching a random xtube cumshot compilation and seeing myself pop up...while listening to Kate Bush. Look mom!

 

At this market research study in this posh office suite. I...am a little drunk and about to get drunker.

 

I feel like I am the Sheryl Crow of drag queen dance music vocalists

 

My belief system is a loose bag of crystals

 

I'm not into the death penalty

 

June 30, 2011

I'm just listening to Barbra Streisand and weeping softly to myself, don't mind me!!!

 

Ahh yoga makes everything seem fine.

 

I'm working on letting go of all resentment and expectation of my parents

 

My crush is punk and lives in Oakland. Different worlds. I was punk and lived in Oakland previously.

 

I'm not entirely convinced that this cancor sore in the back of my throat isn't dead flesh from using cocaine this weekend

 

RT @BibleWisdoms: Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. - Mark 11:24

 

July 1, 2011

I feel bad that straight people are doomed to extinction

 

RT @BibleWisdoms: This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. - 1 John 3:11

 

RT @WordWhispers: The colors of the day now dim to indigo shadows, while an unseen child finds an early star for wishing. The air is thick with magic.

 

July 3, 2011

RT @unnuunnu: here I am

 

July 4, 2011

Somebody left a bowl of cookie dough out to torture me

 

There's a regular here that we call the Bachelor who comes in with different girls every week. Super nice, super polite, but you know. 

 

There was a magical 1.5 year period where he was coming in with only one though, we were floored, and she was a GODDESS. 

 

The most glamorous diva with the most amazing scent that would fill the room. 

 

He ordered for her; she filed his nails at the table. 

 

Tears were literally shed when she disappeared and he went back to his old ways. I miss her. He still orders yogurt on his black beans???

 

I'm going to the mall today. I want new earrings.

 

There should be a "shit my dad says" that's just daddy/boy fetish raunch

 

please don't add me with your pet's facebook profile?

 

July 5, 2011

"I met you at Aunt Charlies Latino sax player and said u r beautiful in drag u smiled and I got excited Be my friend."

 

Just heard that Vicki Marlene has passed away :(((

 

I'm still pissed they sent Martha Stewart to jail.

 

RT @MylesUSA: RIP Vicki Marlane

 

July 6, 2011

An essential part of my creative process is constant access to a mirror

 

RT @DoreenVirtue444: You may have believed that another could take love away from you. This, as you know deep within, is impossible.

 

RT @Zen_Moments: Be free where you are. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

 

RT @wolfpupy: RT @mountain_goats: Everything happens for a reason. A single, monolithic, terrifying, dark, secret reason.

 

July 7, 2011

some really bizarre comments on my video in Italian I ran through translator. "saw his adversity with the technology ... roses will settle the boom, truccherà voice ... but above all ... will clean well-stud- "

 

RT @OMGregory: WHEN does @ALEXISPENNEY get to be the face of Smart Water?

 

July 8, 2011

That guy I fooled around with when I was 16 is here commenting on my fashion evolution

 

"You've come so far from when you were wearing those Abercrombie khakis!" "Um...those were Old Navy."

 

I think this whole organic thing is classist and racist

 

July 9, 2011

Javi is stomping around with a fully functional light sabre!

 

I am such a bitch man

 

The real enlightenment came from my new obsession Snow White who works the door at the speakeasy. She is. So. Pure. And magical. A spirit.

 

RT @WordWhispers: A grove of ancient redwoods by the ocean stands in stillness, dreaming of silvery wet fog.

 

I think you can really create your own feng sui

 

July 10, 2011

Lol Rachel is mad at me for putting "Are You Jimmy Ray?" on a mix cd and honestly I don't blame her. Terrible song what was I thinking!

 

Current obsession: bbq sauce on EVERYTHING

 

He came to visit me at work and now I'm going to his house haha um kinda nervous about over-exposure but whatever, right???

 

RT @I_Monastery: Om Namah Shivaya!

 

Lol eating dinner to the soothing sounds of Hellraiser V

 

ok I've been using this yellow Dial bar that I found a huge box of under the sink cuz it reminded me of showering with my dad at the lake

 

July 11, 2011

RT @DoreenVirtue444: Thank you, Archangel Michael, for surrounding me with your protective purple light, and for guarding me in all ways.

 

I feel like most people look at the world through a peep hole. I wanna see the whole god damn picture.

 

This nectarine is like bringing me to tears

 

RT @Debbie_Ford: Now is the time to take back your energy, your power, and your peace.

 

I'm interested in hypnosis completely via text and written word rather than aural...I think this exists

 

I love all evolution! I like to think that I've been playing host to a new breed of scabies

 

RT @KolaBoof: If it's your FANTASY that Gay people burn in hell....then why shouldn't they kill you? Why not? Why can't straights be mobbed & set on fire?

 

RT @KolaBoof: GOD wishes you would get off his fucking clit.

 

RT @KolaBoof: If there is a GOD....then obviously, part of him is Gay, Woman, Crocodile, Gypsy, Gray-Pink and every damn thing else. IF.

 

It's funny the things you'll say to your parents that you would never say in polite company otherwise. Like, "I'm an artist."

 

So cute that my babies @ShutupSina and @Ur_late visited me at the cafe. I had to explain to my boss what a drag child was.

 

"My mom's house in Rockridge" is a great location for an event

 

July 12, 2011

RT @Adeptus_: Eating porkrinds in the dark with @ALEXISPENNEY

 

RT @RuPaul: Dear Beyoncé, I ask that U guide my thoughts, my feelings & my perceptions AMEN

 

RT @yokoono: Watch a hundred-year-old tree breathe. Thank the tree in your mind for showing us how to grow and keep growing.

 

my Wandering Jew vine flowering a bunch of delicate blue blossoms all over my desk :)

 

because I'm honestly just not that religious. more like pseudo-Buddhist, animist than anything

 

but anyway I feel a special kindship with my Wandering Jew vine who is very resilient and will grow like crazy anywhere

 

I think reading the Wiki synposes of all the Harry Potter novels will help me this morning

 

Well I figured out what that sickly sweet smell in my room was. Strawberry rotting under my desk.

 

Reality can be harsh but can also reinforce the importance of fantasy

 

I think if I worship anything it's the natural universal force of change.

 

My gender/sexuality is the sound of a record screeching to a halt when someone weird walks into a bar in a movie

 

Just had really crazy like psychic energy sex

 

Dude is passed out in my bed while I go to yoga. I have no idea what's going on.

 

In face, shoving vitamins down my throat before the club

 

I look like a fucking whore tonight

 

July 13, 2011

Going to a job interview! Looking like a tramp someone dressed up

 

Have listened to "Voices Carry" 53 times since I've had this laptop haha

 

RT @Zen_Moments: We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~ Anais Nin

 

Drag shows are like the gay equivalent of passion plays. It's about evoking images of the goddess in her many forms.

 

Interview With a Vampire is like the best movie

 

A drag queen walks into a bar, orders a drink, and that's the last thing she remembers.

 

July 13, 2011

this wacko I've waited on just stopped me on the street, hugged me, and says he wants to cast me as a man and a woman in his movie

 

internet immortality

 

Well I've been sitting here watching these crazy thick dark clouds blow around for a solid 10 minutes. I love my room.

 

Home alone! Gonna light some candles, make some dinner and jump at every shadow

 

I'm being asked out on a coffee date by that guy on crutches. Would it be rude to say, why don't you just come to my house and have sex?

 

Anytime I'm with a guy lately I find myself wishing they were either @nightfeelings or my cousin

 

Found his blog, he's crazy, I'm down

 

July 14, 2011

"I Stayed Too Long At The Fair" is about Barbra Streisand closing out a gay bar

 

deciding which picture of a sunset over Stonehenge I should use for my desktop background

 

Teacher corrected my downward facing dog today in a way that makes me feel like my entire posture is now better.

 

Eating that nectarine felt better than cumming on that guy's face earlier

 

The moon was really wild while I was hanging out from 4-6 am this morning

 

2 Xmas ago I had a really amazing 3way. 3 Xmas ago I made, "Xmas day JO" my video on xtube that has over a million views.

 

July 15, 2011

Was just scrolling through Peter Murphey's wiki page all fast and saw the words "Kylie Minogue" wtf?!

 

Going to yoga to flush out all the energy left on me from all the creeps I've interacted with this week.

 

I have $10 and some change until tomorrow, but I do have a jumbo bottle of white zinfandel and two yes two huge handles of Tequila so..

 

My French teacher is so hot I'm literally dying

 

It's important to destroy yourself just a little so that you can recreate yourself into who you really want to be

 

I will always be the lone faggot screaming, "Work!" at the punk/goth/industrial show

 

July 16, 2011

"Change is a big deal to you -- it's an abstract quality that comforts you, though it has the opposite effect on most others." My horosCope!

 

Speakeasy dude gave a horrendous speech...the minute Juani got up to leave, I left. I trust her implicitly.

 

people

 

Fun day. I'm in a good mood. Someone told me I have the kindest eyes. Aw

 

RT @TheOldHollywood: "I want to go on until they have to shoot me." - Barbara Stanwyck

 

I probably shouldn't drink this smart water someone left on the train...but it looks so smart!!!

 

Which household appliance or fixture would you most like to have sex with?

 

July 17, 2011

RT @dailyvocab: Diaphanous (adj): (esp. of fabric) light, delicate, and translucent.

 

Highlight of last night: doing whipits with @swiftumz making him listen to Ella Fitzgerald.

 

So fucking drunk right now...

 

NOW That's What I Call Wasted Vol 69

 

I feel vital

 

My pot dealer that works here is so fucking funny

 

Married told me he's still thinking about the day I flashed him my boner two years ago. I fuckin bet you are.

 

This 12 year old child just shoved me and tried to say something rude in my face. I had headphones on so I just looked at him and walked off

 

Should I do "Take a Bow" or "Miss Otis Regrets" for Vicki's memorial?

 

This chick got an amazing tattoo of a nude woman with a goat head and 666 on the stomach, really kind of nuts

 

Headed to Aunt Charlie's to pay my respects to the amazing Vicki Marlene

 

I should probably not get super wasted right now

 

In the 60s you used to legally have to go as a boy even as a female impersonator, there's a flyer featuring Mr. Vicki Marlene ak Mr Emotions

 

On a moped with some weirdo, he's taking me to Martuni"s for a martini!

 

Some girl is singing "Hit Me Baby" omg!!!!! My "date" is holding my hand and buying me fancy martinis. This night got insane.

 

July 18, 2011

Wowww tonight. Am back in bed. Taking off face.

 

Found some green chilis and a couple limes in my bed. Guess I had tacos earlier.

 

Exhibit A, me in drag on the back of a faux-wood paneled moped (with matching helmet!) with huge loaves of bread in my purse

 

Exhibit B, dude shoving money in my hand, telling people I was his gf/he was my manager?! Buying me huge gingertini's

 

Exhibit C, me in drag singing Fiona Apple and Ella Fitzgerald and Liza Minelli hits with the pianist at Martuni's lolol

 

RT @DalaiLama: If we find we cannot help others, the least we can do is to desist from harming them.

 

This nectarine is in a class of its own

 

This nectarine is a whore

 

Tennessee is so hot I can't even handle it. I asked him to hold me he said he can't. I know but...

 

Tennessee on our psychic love affair, "I don't think clearly when I'm at work and I think you take advantage of that."

 

RT @DoreenVirtue444: Angelic help is the Divine right and privilege of everyone.

 

Avatar is so racist btw

 

7 year cumulative hangover

 

Free scabies, ya'll!

 

Such a beautiful night to wash everything I own!

 

Got 3 washers going and 3 dryers going. This...is crazy.

 

Jack off with permethrin

 

July 19, 2011

I'm listening to Barbra Streisand and looking at pictures of myself.

 

Just sending @Lauren_Devine_ some over-seas pics of my scabies outbreak at 2 am. Fun night :)

 

omg RT @FDELESSIO: I'm listening to Phil Collins and looking at pictures of Alexis Blair Penney.

 

RT @DoreenVirtue444: Positive words are medicinal!

 

The Uncanny Valley Girl hahaha

 

Oh god we're taking a canoe trip down the river next week, aka my mom drunk and screaming at bees while I paddle and carry her shit hahaha

 

Gonna pretend like the last 24 hours didn't happen :)

 

This amazing cyber mullet gender neutral hulk going buck on a giant green tea frappucino on the train...I love you.

 

So many hotties in yoga always! ...I can't wait to get into drag tonight. Not male identifying at all today.

 

OMG somebody left a huge beautiful Jennifer Anniston poster for me!

 

Just a sly little tuck behind the dj booth since my son informed me I was "poppin out" my dress earlier hahaha

 

July 20, 2011

We are such supportive parents. We take a cab home with our son and the random girl he picked up.

 

There was just a huge glob of quinoia on my foot

 

Alarms alarms are going off...on my street. I don't know why.

 

High Fantasy, Low Hangover! Oof. Worth it!

 

Dreamt I was drafted into a ragtag last-ditch army to defend against something weird. We were learning to march when I woke up.

 

When humans go extinct, which species do you think will rise to dominance next?

 

Cars are ugly

 

Lol pocket dial from Lady Bear.

 

Basically all I do is laundry, yoga and drag

 

RT @KolaBoof: God....can't Evander Holyfield fuck me just ONE TIME before I die & leave this world?? Is that too much to ask?

 

I've been doing this thing where I try to gather all the energy I left newhere all day between my hands to anchor and strengthen my practice

 

Has anyone seen my eye brows?

 

Going to try and pluck very minimally for the next couple of weeks then get a good wax job

 

I would like to thank all the drag queens and women everywhere who have inspired me to become the freaky bitch I am today

 

Oh wow, high of 100 tomorrow in KC. So, I'm flying naked.

 

@gayinterest I CAN'T BELIEVE WE WERE BOTH FROST MAGES!

 

I've actually watched Congo with @roydanielle like 100 times and at least 30 of those were during threeways.

 

July 21, 2011

Well, I'm drunk enough to pack now. How many ceramic masks do you think I should bring? 3? 4?

 

How many headshots of Miss Shannon should I bring?

 

Laying in my amazing clean bed drinking Moscato and reading comics

 

Frontier is like what a boutique airline? How did I end up on this

 

The CVS by my parents' house is hiring overnight shift and I must say I'm tempted

 

My grandma said, re not having wrinkles, "Well, my father was a Great Dane and my mother had Bohemian tendencies. And I use Mary Kay." Ok?!

 

I just ate sooo many cookies, chips and Cheez-Its at my grandma's house with So 

You Think You Can Dance blasting on the flatscreen

 

Seen two riding mowers since I tweeted that a second ago

 

My Mom: "Think of how many bitches I've met at 53." @roydanielle "You birthed a bitch!"

 

"You guys want something healthy?!" She tosses a bag of chips at us, "Baked Lays!"

 

"Jane the heavy lawyer...who's really dead."

 

July 22, 2011

Merciful Goddess, please say that 4 scabies treatments were enough and that I don't reinfect myself and/or my family. Amen.

 

Had so much fun with @roydanielle and Paige by Paige Wishart last night, my home town girls, gotta visit them more often, srsly

 

Just watched my sister cut across 3 lanes of traffic. Can't believe I used to drive around on these huge weird highways, often wasted...

 

The Scategories timer is going off somewhere in this car

 

Everytime we stayed at the lake growing up I'd say, this is the summer I'll meet my man! I never did but I still feel it's possible!

 

Kansas City is actually gorgeous, I forget, so many trees and so much sky

 

Ooh, gonna shoot a passive aggressive text to Michael Perkins, just for old times sake!

 

Wish I could zonk out on some pills cuz my mom has every kind you could think of but that shit always makes me jittery

 

I want a dangerous and powerful man

 

I scrawl "self-created myth bitch goddess diva" in my notebook, flip open a play and Tennessee Williams says, "embrace the Bitch Goddess."

 

The right words are finding me today

 

this forward he wrote for a Streetcar Named Desire, about success as artistic death, just literally exploded my mind

 

RT @nickdemarco: Let the chafing begin!

 

They serve free cookies on Frontier and I took a huge bite of napkin with mine, saw it, thought about it, then just chewed and swallowed

 

Actually so hungover right now

 

Well I am Blanche Dubois

 

Fun fact, my first real job was at Perkins in Olathe for almost 3 years, kinda ran that place, not gonna lie

 

My mom got really offended when I explained to her why salt is addictive. Clearly a salt addict.

 

My sister is driving and djing soft new country aka the radio, except from her ipod. Kind of a wild ride.

 

Trying not to weep violently in front of the family. They have no idea. Why does the beautiful dreamer always have to meet a bitter end?

 

They always punish the glamorous ones.

 

Managed to sleep-dull the knife's edge of this hangover that was jabbing at my face earlier.

 

Ooh I love wind turbines. One of the most graceful inventions and so beautiful.

 

Often times I'd rather just text frequently with a guy than fuck him, do you know what I mean?

 

Rid Of Me is such a fucking good record

 

All my batteries dying. I can't do it captain, I don't have the power...sorry about that

 

Gorgeous up here. I hope to commune with a Big Foot once and for all this trip.

 

Ok, my parents' bandmate is a hot, hilarious bear. Soo into him right now.

 

We're talking about Steve Irwin and I'm tipsy and tearing up. A true hero. RIP.

 

My mom and I have been drinking all day. I took a yoga interlude at our cuuuute hotel in Tomah, WI. She is hard to keep up with!

 

My mom is drinking a long island before dinner hahahaha seriously?!

 

They're reminiscing about the old bluegrass and country show they used to guest at in the 90s. That show was so good. The Sundowners.

 

RIP Cecilia Zilner, my surrogate grandmother, amazing woman who would babysit us during my parents' gigs with their band

 

Mom keeps telling this story about walking out of a bathroom stall and realizing there were a bunch of men peeing at urinals hahaha

 

Ok, I'm bored hahaha. They're all sooo high strung about everything. I just wanna get wasted and make out with Vince.

 

Stop talking about the humidity!

 

"It's unbelievable that in 6 months it'll be cold and snowing." Actually that's QUITE believable! It's been happening for eons!!!

 

"THAT'S HOW YOU GET TO KNOW PEOPLE!" My mom about complaining about things that you actually don't want a solution for. Uhhh

 

True RT @PemaQuotes: We could question this solid identity that we have, this sense of a person frozen in time and space, this monolithic ME.

 

Drinking wine and doing core work on the bed while everyone talks about cancer and vomit and Disney etc

 

July 23, 2011

Man everything is an ordeal with this family.

 

"Oh my GOD I'm sweating I can't sit in here if you're not gonna turn the AC on can you turn the AC on now I'm seriously sweating!!!"

 

This is in the yeah 30 seconds between getting in the car and starting the car. I'd hate to be stranded in the desert with my sister.

 

I'm obsessed with Vince he's so chill and sexy.

 

One thing I will say, we've maintained a healthy ecosystem of flies in this van.

 

Vacation diet concessions: avoiding wheat, accepting the dairy and always having dessert. Fuck it. Loving it.

 

Amish horse and buggy just pulled up next to our van! Dad and little boy matching and so cute!!!

 

I'm putting up a Craigslist ad the minute we get into this cabin.

 

Obsessed with the accents up here!! Oooo yaaaaa

 

The air smells so good. Everywhere is green and there's tiny toads jumping around everywhere you walk. Gorgeous.

 

Don't know why we're telling the cabin cleaning lady our life story.

 

I'm at Kmart with my mom and her friend. I'm buying these amazing batwing drapey tees from Joe Boxer in black and white lol

 

It's a bummer about Amy Winehouse. She was a true talent and I was eagerly awaiting her comeback. The media really shit on her. RIP girl.

 

Vince and I just bonded over Annie Lennox. I'm gagging. !!!!!!

 

RT @RL_Stine: Comedians all made jokes about Amy Winehouse. But she was a talented woman in terrible trouble--and no one helped her. Where's the joke?

 

RT @Oprah_World: When I look into the future, it's so bright it burns my eyes. -Oprah

 

The lake was sooo amazing earlier. So warm. I felt so virile diving in. I feel amazing.

 

Everyone took shots of vodka before dinner. These people are insane!

 

RT @Zen_Moments: Open the window in the center of your chest, and let the spirits fly in and out. ~ Rumi

 

I'm at the kids table drinking wine, everyone's talking about college

 

It's weird they sat this bitter witch freak at the kids table, right?

 

Dude earlier my sister asked my mom to wash her hair. Wtf?

 

Shots before minigolf? Okaaaay

 

My mom wasted playing minigolf. "I give up on this hole!" Throws her ball into the next hole hahaha

 

"I don't like this club! Can someone check this club?! I don't think it's right!"

 

She threw her ball on this hole too hahaha

 

"Probably another six for Sue." She flips him off. "Oh a one? Was that a one?"

 

Ok I'm actualy now walking through the woods alone, this is intense

 

nothing to do on family vacation but drink all day and night

 

I AM however maintaining my yoga practice, and the dock is perfect for yoga on the dock! not so much for balancing poses but whatevs

 

there's a really good ambient song with a world vocal playing on this Spike tv movie about Marines that Vince is watching

 

I questioned the validity of the existence of a justice system at all and they are freaking out on me. they really like "the system."

 

"Most trials are fair! Come on!" hahahaha. yeah totally. most trials are fair.

 

This amazing evening culminated in me articulating to my mom and dad and their bff every reason that I resent them. Very special.

 

July 24, 2011

Made some model food, washed dishes, chilling on the porch alone

 

There is a really adorable chipmunk/squirrel thing hanging out. It looks like a munk but with a long tail. So cute

 

I really just feel like a failure. Like why can't I get along with my stupid family? Is it me? I can get along with anyone!

 

LOL RT @SOPHIALAMARNYC: No! I do not want to meet ur best friend in high school, Jennifer, Samantha, or Mellisa.

 

my mom won't shut up about me introducing her to Adam Lambert. I don't fucking know him!!! yet.

 

I love to watch a lot of things download very slowly at once...

 

hey, my scabies rash finally went away! lake water? ancestral homeland? drunken filial rage?

 

Always hoping for a previously unheard of gay cousin to show up

 

My 4th cousin once removed, aka my aunt, just changed my life again

 

"People always say you have to find yourself, but I say, create yourself."

 

Sue Stadmuiler, you've changed my life for a second time

 

I have such a scary dark side :(

 

Are you there Big Foot? It's me, Alexis.

 

Omggggg I'm so drunk and it's only 9:45 here!!!

 

My extended family is so cool

 

We talked about HIV and being gay and what drag really is at the dinner table!

 

My uncle who is actually my dad's 3rd cousin wants to hire me as a color consultant for his packaging company?!?!

 

Ok I'm trying to calm down and be normal for the rest of the trip

 

We're going on the river trip tomorrow!!!!!

 

July 25, 2011

We're going on the canoe trip now

 

I blacked out during Apples to Apples last night ???

 

just got back from the river, it was so pretty, like gorgeous, I made my sister take my picture

 

I fell in love with the guy that took us in a boat to the mouth of the river, he was kinda gay and weird I was obsessed, miss you Matt

 

saw a really hot dad at the Crystal River trip parking lot taking his shirt off, too. deng.

 

said "supsup?" to a spider, a heron, hella fish...

 

jacking off in the shower is an essential tenet of family vacation

 

got a little fiberglass rash from the canoe.

 

My mom and I are both in all white with brown accessories. Definitely the best-dressed on the trip.

 

Ok can my mom stop asking me what's on my head though? A fucking bindi same thing been on my head all week

 

My dad told my mom she looked pretty and she goes, "You haven't even looked. Get the hell away from me!!!"

 

In town at Simpson's, kinda fancy, I keep wearing white and drinking red wine. Got a spot on this shirt from last night...

 

RT @Debbie_Ford: Now is the time to take back your energy, your power, and your peace.

 

I'm starving for something interesting. Where is my cool psychic aunt? I need to get drunker

 

'...face masked by a black shireen, body by a black shift, white arms spread, bone-white hair blowing all around her like a flame of smoke.'

 

I'm on the Boys team in Scategories

 

Ok I'm gonna say it...Josh, a family friend's Disney bf, is hot. Super hot, super nice, super funny.

 

I'm grasping at straws here

 

He's massaging her feet and I'm fantasizing that he's massaging my...everything

 

Craziest dreams about falling in with a family of ministers who could turn into bears?

 

July 26, 2011

Sweet corn, good god...amazing

 

My mom shrieking at Vince how to prepare his corn. She got mad cuz I told her to stop micromanaging everyone else's vacation

 

"I'm the most laid back person I know!!!" Then why are you telling everyone how to eat their corn?

 

ok, that was a good lunch. sauteed veggies, sweet corn on the cob, Wisconsin cheddar, braunschweiger and fudge dessert.

 

I'm really into my parents' other bandmate Nancy, she's really kind of major and I can talk pretty freely with her.

 

God I am fully a man right now. Deep voice, Wisconsin accent sliding in, minimal makeup (powder, brows, bindi) ... it's fine

 

Yo what up Waupaca? This drag queen outa drag and wanna fuck

 

Now they're telling me why they deleted me off of facebook. Because it's racey. Except for Nancy, equally normal, is my friend! Wtf

 

If my openness about sex is transgressive, that's depressing. They're saying that I'm out of touch with the times. Really?

 

Have so little respect for my sister and her shitty attitude. She's talking about how everything I do reflects negatively on her. Fuck you bitch.

 

Mentioned I was almost done paying my student loans and my sister says, I'm jealous. Really bitch? You're jealous of me now?

 

Ok they all hate me.

 

I left a period at the long, horrible sentence of that dinner by grabbing a left-over half glass of wine and chugging it in front of all.

 

I'm lake-washed, sun-kissed and have been working out, I look sooo good. Wasted just wasted on this crowd.

 

@SSION my mom said she didn't add you back on facebook because she didn't want to make me feel bad. ?!

 

Omg there's two gay guys on the mini golf course!

 

Holding a gold club makes me think of Jazmine Sullivan

 

I'd like to say a "fuck you" to my sister and I "I don't know if I actually love you or ever will again" to my parents

 

"you gonna go to bed tonight?" NO BITCH I'M STAYING UP ALL NIGHT

 

"that sweater from San Francisco?" IT'S DIOR!!!

 

July 27, 2011

This bed is destroying me. I've been spending like 12 hours in it each day to shorten the waking hours spent with the family.

 

they're literally BLASTING Toby Keith

 

At a diner who knows where. Never seen the word "broasted" before. Into it...

 

Just got a facebook apology "sorry you had to be the victim of my craziness last year" can't figure out who he is though...

 

Vince doesn't like Taylor Swift's phrasing. My mom doesn't like Justin Bieber but she love Justin Timberlake.

 

Picked the wrong day to leave the cabin without pepto bismol

 

"I don't know if you guys know about Facebook..." Our waitress. Quote of the day for sure. We don't, btw.

 

Don't mention facebook we'll get in another fight about how racey mine is

 

They're all mad cuz I won't smile in pictures. Hello, modeling...

 

Everyone agrees that Hometown Grill in Shiocton is totally bomb. Great food, good service.

 

WHEREVER THE FUCK SHIOCTON WISCONSIN IS HELP ME

 

Checked out a local Merle Norman too. Amazing lady running it. She had a huge Kenny Chesney poster in the back.

 

Phone dying. Read on facebook this kid I blew in high school just bought a Kia lol

 

We saw Lake Michigan or whatever it is. It's big and smells like goose poop. Pretty, too.

 

I've been abducted by strangers and am being emotionally waterborded by banal slights and sheer boredom

 

An indescribable day in Green Bay

 

A painted pack of wild horsed galloping across the back window of a pick-up truck

 

well I'm trapped between my farting dad and farting Vince watching Cannery Row on dvd. seriously. what have I done to deserve this.

 

Cannery Row, I'm sorry, Vince, you are my favorite person on this trip but I refuse. Sorry. Refuse.

 

RT @TheOldHollywood: ”If you want to see the girl next door, go next door." - Joan Crawford

 

and it's that time of night where I text @XXX1990 and ask him to hold me

 

July 28, 2011

I really wouldn't have expected to stay up til 3 am chatting with who I'm chatting with but it makes a kind of sense

 

4 am, my mom has walked past me now in underwear, then in pants, now she's in the kitchen opening things and whispering to herself

 

Sue Penney's patented harsh, shrill stage whisper

 

I swear to god I think I hear Vince watching Cannery Row again!

 

there's nothing in this cabin but alcohol, liver pate and cheese. Fine.

 

they all just got back from a boat ride and my mom dislocated her finger because she grabbed onto some rope for some reason?

 

aka I'm glad I skipped this boat ride...

 

ewww my sister popped her finger back into place! I guess nursing school is working?! sick.

 

My dad keeps introducing himself to strangers, "I'm liberal and I believe in global climate change." OK WE GET IT…

 

It's hard to accept that your parents never were and never will be punk.

 

Sooo itchy. Not sure if it's cheap lotion, mosquitos, sun or scabies relapse. Who am I?

 

Well of course my mom and I are two drinks in and we haven't even ordered food yet.

 

Nobody cards me anymore. Um what are you trying to say?!

 

I'm going to play "Wuthering Heights" for my mom later and let her reaction determine when we will see each other again if ever

 

Ok there are some insane bodies and some insane cut up tanktops in this bar hiiiii

 

I haven't been Alexis for like 10 days it's wearing on me. I need to suck a dick, do some poppers and lip synch a god damn song

 

RT @MagicalLegs: "Dark Cerebral Scandavian Gay and Lesbian"

 

I swear to god my mom and I have separately "smile and nod" 'd each other 1000 times today alone. Two drunk bitches with bad attitudes.

 

Sometimes I think, maybe my family are totally harmless and I'm just an ass hole?!

 

Just saw a fox

 

We just rented 4 movies for $2.73 ?!

 

Also I had a pint wine glass of chardonnay earlier for $3

 

I feel so alone :/

 

No wine or liquor after 9?! But I can buy wine coolers?! I bought a 4 pack of some fuzzy naval mess

 

so we're watching Avatar. a terribly written racist fable with beautiful graphics, if I were playing Xbox.

 

I just looked over and my mom is dumping Hershey's chocolate sauce into her cocktail!!!!!!

 

I'm also sitting here eating a Hershey's chocolate bar with my wine...this is too real.

 

Vince dissappeared! He isn't answering his phone and hasn't been back for 12 hours!

 

July 29, 2011

you're in an open relationship with someone named Topsoil?

 

ok, got the story on Vince. he showed up here around 2:30 am trying to give my dad a fistful of money.

 

turns out he had dinner at a casino in Oshkosh and ended up hitting a $900 payout on a slot machine! ok?!?!

 

my sister has diarrheah while water skiing! at last I am vindicated.

 

lol my google search bar from last night, "avatar racist"

 

for the record, I don't identify as a "free spirit," mom!!! if anything call me a free bitch

 

the only thing my sister and I have in common musically is "Jesus Take the Wheel" and I don't think she even really FEELS it like I do

 

can't believe Vince won $900 last night and also doesn't like Carrie Underwood.

 

Mom is super impressed with the match-book trick in the bathroom. Really? This is my only appreciated contribution to the family?

 

Cousin's husband put his arm around me during a picture I could LITERALLY die right now

 

And then took a night boat ride all around the chain

 

And I sat in the backseat alone with cousin's husband Colin discussing the psychology and sociology of drag! For an hour!

 

My sister is pissed because I told her about my spiritual theory and she's scared now

 

Jesus take the cheese wheel away from me

 

If you call me anything other than Alexis or Alex...call me White Zinfandel

Or Tequila Sunrise...

 

I'm always wasted so I'm always crying or histerically laughing whenever I see a movie. USUALLY crying.

 

Everyone in Waupaca is technically my cousin 

 

My Dad is techincally my ex-boyfriend and my Mom is technically my worst nightmare.

 

My Sister is technically A Bitch.

 

Once again, I know you ain't gonna fall asleep until I get in there. Hope you ain't tired, bitch.

 

I'm pretty sure my sister wants to have sex with me.

 

July 30, 2011

my brain shows me some weird shit when I sleep...

 

I fought with this giant talking crow that was trying to get into the screened-in porch

 

giant wise-cracking demon crow

 

I feel like that chick climbing bloody and muddy out of the hole at the end of the Descent

 

My horoscope is always about how nobody is going to understand my ideas. Not helping.

 

I wanna date all my cousins at once.

 

I'm imagining all of my cousins as a close-knit bisexual warrior tribe with me as their queen

 

I'm listening to "Sandstorm" really loud in my headphones

 

I'm not playing road bingo don't even ask me

 

RT @LovLikeJesus: For I am with you, & no one is going to attack & harm you, because I have many people in this city. -Acts 18:10

 

I love this Pink Floyd song that's just some chick going crazy forever

 

My dad has insaaaane poison ivy. My mom keeps calling him the Elephant Man

 

Parents: shouting things aloud that should never be said always and forever.

 

I am in this amazing Amish-affiliated Far Side cartoon of a restaurant. I also match the bleached wood floor and furniture.

 

@Ur_late everybody is somebody's ex

 

RT @kirstiealley: Let's all cut a few people loose today??? What do you say???.... SNAP

 

My mom in this fuckin gift shop..."You know what happened when I was 24? My mom was dying. I know you wish I was but no such luck!"

 

I like getting dirty looks. Also, the smell of gasoline.

 

It's so hard to take the moral high road with my insane family when I get drunk and act just as crazy to them :/

 

This day-dream where I'm dancing alongside the highway and slowly morph into a greyhound dog

 

My sister and my mom are like in love it's gross

 

I think it's become obvious that an alien planted me in my mother's womb as an experiment

 

I've eaten so many burgers sans buns and so many different kinds of cole slaw this week.

 

We're at a buffet called Toot Toot which is actually amaaaazing, cool waitress in a tuxedo shirt and bedazzled belt and $2 margaritas

 

Wow, Toot Toot was something. Well it's the last day and we're finally all getting along. I'm even allowing my sister that smug expression.

 

I told them coming home is like when a Dr. immigrates somewhere and none of their credentials are valid and they end up as a cashier

 

I feel like I'm in Brokedown Palace. Wish I was on Brokeback Mountain. Hold me.

 

July 31, 2011

There should be a service where someone stands over me and doesn't let me pack so many god damn clothes

 

Mom driving me to the airport. My eye brows are even for the first time in 10 days. Ready to be home.

 

My favorite thing lately is the way older women do their makeup.

 

My mom trying to convince me to get married this whole week still drivin me. For starters, to who? Fuck that shit

 

Haha! RT @Chri55yBaby: @ALEXISPENNEY "A prophet is not accepted in his own country, and among his own kin"- Luke

 

Tattoos have become a really funny total non-indicator of anything alternative. Unless they're on your face.

 

Nothing better to put scabies in perspective than seeing a grown kid dealing with cris du chat syndrome. We're all so damn lucky.

 

Haunted by my sister's belly button piercing...but at least I'm about to nap in my own bed

 

And a pocket dial from that cop I slept with. Dore Alley...you're funny

 

The cop is funny actually...and pretty hot. I love that he only texts me on Pride, Dore Alley or Folsom or any 3-day weekend haha

 

Getting my 2nd wind. F you Mom, I can drink cheap wine and hate my life and cry all on my own!

 

August 1, 2011

So glad to be home!!!!!!

 

Couples that are always dressed like they're on the Amazing Race...

 

RT @KarenWalkerBot: Grace, tell Will to redirect his anger at his mother where it belongs.

 

RT @Debbie_Ford: It can take five minutes of radical honesty to unravel a pattern from our past.

 

Crust by Alexis Penney

 

RT @swiftumz: I just like to remind people that if you do a google image search for wizard shirt a picture of me comes up first.

 

August 2, 2011

before I went to sleep I made it so when I hit play my iTunes would be set to "Velvet Rope" that was a good plan

 

"big plus if you can squeal like a pig and/or whine like a dog."

 

What a dream! Mostly in French. I was boarding with a family whose daughter had died and they were blaming me somehow.

 

Slept 11 of the past 13 hours. I'm confused about everything. This water tastes like the lake.

 

Gonna lay in bed til I finish this book.

 

Have lost a significant portion of my will to live somewhere in the last 10 or so days. Trying to recoup. Can't get out of bed.

 

RT @roydanielle: The notion that every gay guy just sits around swilling white wine all day is not only homophobic, but also delightfully true

 

Every time I go to the doctor I get paranoid that they're going to tell me I have nothing and I'm crazy. Which HAS happened multiple times.

 

Omg I just saw a chimpanzee giving a baby tiger a bottle on Univision. So happy now.

 

August 3, 2011

Boiling some shells I got from the river then gonna bleach em. I love shells! Also washed off my river rocks and put them around.

 

Huge fly in here

 

Is that food smell on my body?

 

Depressed but so attractive

 

@colinself I think my preferred pronoun is shit. "Shit looks really good tonight." "Shit's really drunk."

 

The food smell is on my right hand. Gotta go wash it, I can't relax

 

"I'm fantasizing about having sex with my orchid." What the FUCK is wrong with me?

 

got down my extra blanket and immediately got really hot. couldn't take a nap. well I left all the lights on and it was sweltering.

 

@Ur_late coming over here to smoke me out out of an apple or nectarine or something.

 

August 4, 2011

I'm so high

 

If I'm wearing my performance heals and am in my home with u rather than performing, WATCH OUT

 

August 5, 2011

Sleep is crazy. Never relaxing. Always with the freaky dreams bordering on nightmares.

 

Going to try and sweat out this bad humour at yoga.

 

Feel way better. "Finding strength in experiencing the sensation," or whatever she said, totally.

 

the fog bank rolling in off the hills looks insane today, especially with this dude on his roof in front of it. so surreal.

 

where the fuck do I live?

 

I'm in the mood to be a bitch tonight

 

This well-dressed woman was just prophesying to me about a dog that's coming to eat us all, and barking and growling...

 

"Enjoy the company of the holy and better-qualified, be merciful to afflicted souls, and tolerate the perversely inclined."

 

The number one most-played song on my iTunes is "Bali Hai" by Peggy Lee

 

August 6, 2011

@_shrine_ sometimes I think I'm in love with you

 

RT @_______PHYSICAL: dreamt that water was a carb

 

This day is really crazy. A transcendant experience.

 

So I guess I blacked out at @vivfmore 's birthday. All I remember is the way this dude in the bathroom smelled and sucking his huge dick...

 

I give great advice for being such a mess

 

RT @SOPHIALAMARNYC: People say; There r not ugly babies, have to come to my neighborhood W V , and see what i see in thoses stroller. Maybe is "evolution"

 

August 7, 2011

Favorite moment was the lady at the Moma asking who I was wearing the other day, me: "Versace, Liz Claiborne and umm Ellen Tracy." 

 

RT @ImmortalMasters: Let's connect the Sky and the Earth in your Heart energetically

 

My old coke dealer thinks my name is Johnathan.

 

My Portuguese professor in college thought my name was Felix

 

Tartar sauce on everything today

 

Actually just tartar sauce alone

 

I see you over there looking at me sideways...

 

The myth of Prometheus chained to a rock with buzzards eating his liver each day though it always grows back the next is my life

 

Mercury retrograde just makes me think of Sailor Mercury and her vaguely annoying but essentially harmless mist bubbles

 

August 9, 2011

Best party

 

Well, I'm dead

 

Throat is killing. Crying while eating right now. Man I was messed up the first time I woke up.

 

Shirtless dude in the middle of Goodwill ok...hi

 

I live for the Aunt Charlie's regulars but please god I need to stop drinking before I'm in my 60s

 

August 10, 2011

Omg I'm performing between Raja and the Miracles Club at Folsom! So perfect!

 

My first exposure to house music was from the video game Streets of Rage on Sega Genesis

 

I'm like, what is this crazy pain I'm having I don't get it? Finally look and there's huge horizontal bruises on my back and stomach woops

 

I guess I like fell. Feels like I broke a rib.

 

Man I really went for it Monday night

 

Damn this shit hurts

 

Trying to put this feeling into words but I can't. Nothing funny about it.

 

Crying multiple times a day for essentially no reason. This depression is really bizarre. Family vacation hangover 2 weeks and counting.

 

This adorable genius pigeon walking around the laundry mat. 

 

It's crazy how bad my ribs hurt and how little I remember about it. I remember being annoyed by it...

 

It's on the front and back too...like maybe I fell down some stairs.

 

I love the way I smell

 

"As soon as you have someone in the room with you...you should perform." - Kate Bush

 

August 11, 2011

Tomorrow will be better. That's my mantra right now

 

I'm watching the Crow for the first time aka the Boner

 

RT @justjack2001: Damn you, Will! Damn your shiny, pointy face and your sarcastic quips!

 

"Alexis, you could do without a drink!" - Judge Barry

 

August 12, 2011

RT @SusanPowter: @ALEXISPENNEY Smell the flowers and feel, you already know....

 

Ate hella crazy shit today

 

August 13, 2011

Me: "This is Frederick's, it's chocolate brown silk, and I need it." @brandebtw "This is Target, it's pink fleece, and I need it."

 

So when I drink too much fruit juice early I break out in hives and every faded scar I have starts to flare bright red

 

Goals tonight are to stay awake and not throw up!

 

I hooked up with the guy who interviewed me earlier but I'm ready to go again

 

August 14, 2011

How stoked was Antony Kiedis when he wrote "Under the Bridge"?! And kinda sad I bet too

 

Well, I've lived to see another day and smell a new weird smell in my building's lobby

 

RT @SOPHIALAMARNYC: Beauty, Rain, Words, Libido. Lies. Shitty People.Money. Oliver Twist, Before After. pay me,i do not KNOW U

 

RT @ImmortalMasters: What is happening in the Universe is happening in Your Heart

 

August 15, 2011

RT @TaRYThYaS: Supsup followers I'm going to be using this more... How's everybody? You should be having fun, not that u aren't .It lowers ur stress level

 

Sometimes I feel like life is a vom-inducing tilt-a-whirl but if I'm in the right mind, I see the world as a beautiful kaleidoscope

 

August 16, 2011

Great now I'm crying RT @TheEllenShow: Three years ago today I married the love of my life. Happy anniversary, Portia.

 

This spammer named Indira Lutz IMs me every day. That's a perfect name I wish it wasn't spam.

 

August 17, 2011

Hi just walking around being a total weirdo

 

Yoga teacher and I are friendly, smile and say hi on the street and he's seen me in drag but I'm nervous to take it farther! I'm shy kinda

 

Actively surrounding myself with images of the Buddha

 

RT @Debbie_Ford: Whatever inspires U is an aspect of yourself. Any desire of the heart exists to support U in discovering and manifesting it

 

August 18, 2011

I met a goddess last night. Literally the coolest person. Spoke 8 languages, sang pitch-perfect Dietrich in German in a soprano, ugh

 

If you seek out the other queen in the club featuring a hand fan, it's probably gonna turn out right

 

She did a beautiful divination for our other visitor with a deck of dog playing cards @Ritabacon sent me ages ago

 

How do I get a medicinal marijuana card?

 

I am legitimately crazy

 

Stressed, depressed, broken but ya know what, I'm getting paid to look like a freak, can't complain

 

Bouta go hang out with a bunch of strangers on a sound stage

 

Lol remembering Glamamore giving me tips on how to suck your own dick last night

 

RT @WomenOfHistory: I am not afraid...I was born to do this. -Joan of Arc

 

August 19, 2011

RT @_shrine_: Never bathe, invoke a king of hell without preparation, get hassled by a security guard

 

I'm walking a block behind Fauxnique watching her practice her moves and living for it

 

A feral kitten heel

 

every few hours I read a web article about broken ribs and feel up my wonky rib and have an anxiety attack

 

When I put down all my foundation first but nothing else I call it my Ghostface

 

Body of a teenage boy, face of a baby, mind of a 1,000 year old bitter gay alien genius

 

August 20, 2011

Always have a great time at Trannyshack, thanks for the mic shout out @Heklina !

 

Lol Augustin was trying to tell me about some apparent sex parties in San Leandro today

 

RT @OMGregory: Drunk, don't talk to me.

 

August 21, 2011

"[8/21/11 4:00:39 AM] Josh: did i maybe take you hoem from OH in a dress around this time last year?"

 

yes. you did. hahaha.

 

If something seems rotten, just cook it longer. "In the Kitchen with Alexis"

 

Walk around waving a knife erratically so your roommates know what's up. "In the Kitchen with Alexis."

 

Screening calls from my parents all week. I thought after we drunkenly fought every night for 10 days a communication break was implicit?!

 

August 22, 2011

I love this compulsion to try and force a conversation on me when I'm reading with a magazine literally inches in front of my face

 

I feel a civic duty to make guys feel uncomfortable about themselves

 

RT @ImmortalMasters: Akasha.... Energy Mass of IDEA which create Life Forms on Earth

 

I look like an undertaker but I talk like a stoned flight attendant

 

Fuck leopard print, I want some clown fish print

 

Huge fly in here like all weekend

 

Email from my dad, subject line - "Are you OK?" Also he has his name tagged as Blair Penney - 61 hahaha what is he doing

 

Are you really resting when you're dead? I wonder...

 

Diana Vreeland had a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of Scotch every day for lunch? Are you kidding me?

 

August 23, 2011

Rib is feeling way better today. I'm going back to yoga

 

LOL RT @THEchelseastarr: boner on the train: put a notebook on it! #askmeaboutmyLORRAINEBOBBITimpression

 

When my sister and I would fight we'd stick pencils into the reset buttons on each others' tamagotchis and gigapets. Devastating!

 

I think the time is right for us RT @swiftumz: anyone want to put out a 7 inch of @ALEXISPENNEY and mines dub project?

 

Putting the dishes away, naked, listening to Tina Benez

 

I love that I showered, trimmed my nails and plucked my eye brows for my sweaty disgusting yoga class. Divacize.

 

RT @ImmortalMasters: To Live in 2 different Realities at the same time, You need Balance

 

August 24, 2011

I consider it to my credit that I wake up having to pee SO bad but never wet the bed. You know?

 

No food in the house. Just ate a pistachio off the floor.

 

Do you think that I could stare down a wolf?

 

RT @FlatbushCtyLmts: I want Countess LuAnn to perform "Money Can't Buy You Class" at a homeless shelter in Brooklyn.

 

August 25, 2011

Masturbate or read a fantasy novel? Both while listening to Kate Bush

 

thinking of writing some fan mail to my favorite author, Tanith Lee. Every new book of hers I find is exactly what I need when I find it

 

Lol at my boss asking me what color is "in" right now. I quipped "beige!" and sacheted away haha

 

Crazy ass people, crazy ass world

 

RT @SusanPowter: Your next breath; the only thing that matters...

 

"It had been easy, in the end, to swear by gods and not by Her, the Lady of Snakes, who asked for nothing, being all."

 

The Palestinian occupation just rots me from the inside

 

August 26, 2011

And what can I even say about the Americam occupations in the Middle East? Blechhhhh. I hate it.

 

I live with some seriously psychic people. Thank goddess.

 

Trolling over to see this chiropractor.

 

Wow that was amaaaazing. This guy is a wild genius. Got my rib moved around and taped up. Feel way better.

 

This rib tape looks sexy. Debating on whether I should work it into my look for tonight or not...

 

Grats to this extreme and persistent hangover. In it for the long haul.

 

August 27, 2011

I mean if you say you're gonna send flowers I wanna see some god damn flowers

 

No flowers! I'm so sure dude. He told me he wanted to worship my anus. Nice try buddy.

 

Just had a literally life-changing experience with the beautiful and incredibly talented @KolaBoof . I love you. I am in awe.

 

August 29, 2011

Might be a tripping a lil still

 

I forgot I was still wearing these pearl earrings.

 

"You are the Storm Lord, Raldnor. And if you leave this garrison your own Dragon Guard will hack you to pieces." 

 

This weekend was so crazy that I took on a new accent and utterance. I am so weird.

 

Trying to come up with a name for the insane old European woman I became on mushrooms yesterday

 

Yes!!! RT @NIKIMARX: @ALEXISPENNEY URSULA, BARBARA, STEFANIE, TAMARA

 

August 31, 2011

Hungover and groaning, "Gahhhhhh," to myself, alone

 

I'm wearing a suit to the liquor store. Whatever.

 

September 1, 2011

RT @KolaBoof: You have to love men ....just because they're so dumb.

 

I'm taking the bus as all glamorous starlets are wont to do

 

No RT @swiftumz: should I delete this voice memo on my phone from a year and a half ago that is just me sobbing for a minute?

 

September 2, 2011

I don't understand all these free health clinics that aren't free. You make me prove that I'm poor but take my money anyway

 

"I don't want to take your last $30 dollars..." Well you actually just did? Isn't this a weird conversation?

 

Ok SO it wasn't actually the rib, it was the cartilage connecting my rib to the bone and muscle, so that's a relief.

 

And of course there's nothing they can do haha

 

This Dangers of Alcohol poster is ruining my life

 

Yes! I want you to! RT @hollyherndon: I want to process @ALEXISPENNEY s voice all day

 

Just witnessed an exchange of coins for drugs and got called a blonde devil. #sixthstreet

 

"I buy a dress every time I leave a city. This is Boston, though it's actually quite Miami." -Ben McCoy

 

September 3, 2011

RT @JEALSD: I treat my phone like a little bible

 

I love the mission for this constant parade of girls who can't walk in their heels

 

Thinking about Rimbaud, Cole Porter, Paul Bowles, Boy George... Hungover

 

"What a lovely way to burn..."

 

Worked all day with this giant zit. I like to appear human to the commonfolk so that they accept me as one of their own.

 

My favorite part of X-Men 2 is when Magneto tells Pyro, "You're a god among insects." Always related to that 

 

Waitresses of the world, I fuckin feel for you

 

Yeah I tweeted my phone number, what?

 

September 4, 2011

I'm going to bed fuck you sexy world

 

RT @OMGregory: Afterparty is cute, could use more gay guys.

 

Just got called a faggot by a grown woman while her son was telling me he was going to beat my mothafuckin ass. Cute customers.

 

Honestly, every customer in here can call me a faggot if these fuckin teenage bussers will just work harder, jesus christ

 

Going to Ikea to read my magazine and look out on the Bay and chill out

 

Beautiful music fluttering through the darkness at me right now. Thank you goddess

 

this girl who I used to sleep with her kid's dad when I was a teenager just messaged me a swastika only...

 

The weirdest part is when I'm speaking in an accent and I'm COMPLETELY ALONE

 

I'm laying here and this spider is walking across my shirt and I'm struck with a deep affection for it

 

September 5, 2011

Explaining to my boss about yesterday, "As far as I'm concerned, we love having faggots work here!" Hahaha. Thank you.

 

September 6, 2011

Gonna watch Blade Runner on instant right now, probably jack off and figure it all out in the morning

 

Gotta stick with the clear liquids

 

September 7, 2011

Straight Marine's First Gay Experience. I'd rather see Straight Marine First Time In Drag At A Ball.

 

Also I'm in love with @waterborders both of em

 

Lol RT @GODDOLLARS: Celebrating 27 years of telling people "You've met me at a really crazy time in my life"

 

Um my dad called me Alex Gaga on the phone on Monday. Jesus Christ dad.

 

Ya!! RT @MylesUSA: Hi SF tonight @ALEXISPENNEY and myself are doing a live set at DNA Lounge opening for Chromatics

 

I'm really jazzed to be opening for a band that I opened for in high school. Full circle. I'm styled better than I was then thank goddess

 

September 8, 2011

I will always remember 2011 especially. Beautiful weird toxicity, reconnection, great friends, "find your passion", etc etc etc

 

I keep putting off this pharmacy line but today I'm gonna grin and bear it. Also trying out a new base foundation.

 

Making dinner for @Ur_late and then I'll probably kill him and eat him

 

RT @ImmortalMasters: Cellular Orgasm is Essential to realize Rainbow Body

 

[general commotion]

 

How do I know I'm not a Replicant? I'm high enough at this point that I don't. I have no idea.

 

"We should probably watch a Star is Born." @Ur_late "we should probably watch the version with Yoko Ono. A Starpeace is Born."

 

September 9, 2011

Mailing 7 inches to Japan, Indonesia and Kansas City.

 

My pre-show look is cool country mom put on a drag face and cut her own hair

 

I don't mind waiting for a car but the suspense of finding out who I'm sharing it with is literally making me crazy

 

It's another queen haha. We look a sight.

 

September 10, 2011

My life is such an RPG

 

Heading home. Wasted but hopeful and excited bout the future.

 

RT @RuPaul: Heaven or Hell is a choice I make every waking second that I'm alive & not something that happens when I die

 

Maybe I'll take the scenic route past all the gardens and then wander around 7-11

 

No matter how hungover you may be, I probably drank more than you

 

I hate babies because they remind me of facts I try to forget, namely that I was once born and thus will eventually die

 

When I made @booandbootoo skype me his dick at 4 am lol

 

RT @BoBarnes: I can and will sexualize almost anything and especially inanimate objects

 

September 11, 2011

Eating out Cameron's ass with his girlfriend, in front of people, possibly twice.

 

When I pray, I pray to a pervading natural Order that keeps our electrons, atoms, planets, galaxies, etc, where they're supposed to be

 

September 12, 2011

Lol RT @iamacameron: Personally, the socialist uprising can't come quickly enough. You'll find me turning towards Mecca with the Obamas

 

Man people love to fuckin stare at me. I guess I'm 6' with one button done on my shirt, deathly pale and breathtakingly beautiful but still

 

Def just found a square of a Ritter Sport in the bottom of my purse and ate it.

 

This pop-up window is actually trying to show me an entire movie and it's getting harder and harder for me to close it

 

September 13, 2011

Final Fantasy cut scene theater

 

I'm all about a loopy script today

 

Going to the barber with a giant handle of discount vodka I bought for @MylesUSA

 

I'm on the street car

 

RT @Ur_late: "I wanna, I wanna take these shells home."-Oysters with @ALEXISPENNEY

 

I'm pretty sure Eve gave birth to Adam

 

September 14, 2011

Whatever spiders are beautiful graceful wise and important. Loving.

 

RT @twobitchesdeep: Happy Birthday Amy Winehouse

 

Well, I just named this flashdrive "NINA"

 

Polaris is my favorite X-Man

 

I'm actually glad that rib snafu happened cuz it made me wanna really appreciate and take care of my body. My beautiful, sexy body

 

Practicing for my set. Wearing a really funny look inspired by one of my idols Philip Oakley

 

Omg this gay that just told me how he was just in NYC for 3 months but didn't do anything tourist like "Manhattan or the Eiffel Tower." ?!

 

September 15, 2011

In a weird funny lapse of judgement, I'm en route to South Beach

 

Can't believe I'm at some guy's fancy penthouse right now. You can really live 1000 lives in one night. He made me shower haha

 

Called my mom after she called my ex-bf looking for me. That was a thrill. She just called my dad her baby daddy hahaha

 

Halfway through a bottle of Gallo and I start leaving really funny comments on facebook

 

This psuedo-jock I was friends with in high school who I jacked off in the back of World Futuristics (actual class) once is cool

 

He crops his profile photos right above where his man boobs start so you just see shoulders and think he's buff. His dick was big.

 

Retweet if you're drinking white wine alone and listening to Isaac Hayes

 

Let's talk about when Michael and Janet invented the popcorn shirt

 

They should have a 35 char only twitter

 

Just remembered sneaking beer into the Golden Compass alone years ago

 

September 16, 2011

I dreamt I was a cop named Carlos

 

MY personal September issues

 

This dude I sleep with sometimes wearing these brown thigh-high combat boots. Cool. Weird.

 

Last night got a little crazy. White wine, tequila, vodka ans scotch, such good ideas all of it

 

Trusting the universe to bring me through these next few hectic, exciting, scary, sexy months

 

Joe just had to throw Bob the mailman out. I love Aunt Charlie's

 

Two birthdays and a bachelorette party all in wacky wigs

 

September 17, 2011

Nothing is real

 

Me, sipping vodka with dude, naked, 5 am? "Would you ever be in an open relationship?" Him: "Yes. Only. I'm a whore." Me: "Good, me too."

 

I'm such a moron when I drink. I should quit for awhile.

 

Well, I'm kind of an idiot savant, let's be honest

 

Trying to find pictures of my dick to send him but there's just thousands of my face and some of the inside of my purse

 

RT @WomenOfHistory: I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. -Lucille Ball

 

RT @carmen_carrera: Metrosexual thugs are what I find myself attracted to the most

 

This bender ends tonight. Making myself chill for two whole days and nights. It's gonna suck but I have to.

 

Something like in my foot

 

The high school teacher said his fav band is Arcade Fire. I'm letting that slide because I heard them in yoga the other day and felt it hard

 

I played the Cure while we were having wild animal sex

 

"a universal vanity, that makes her desire every man's devotion, anda fastidiousness that makes an expression of their devotion disgusting."

 

September 18, 2011

Damn where the hell is my tooth paste? And my towel? Am I running a charity here?

 

I love the homeless because only by the grace of goddess am I not

 

Have a breezy lil cut-offs and blouse look on but my purse weighs like 40 lbs what the fuck

 

I'm weighing my purse next time I go to the doctor

 

I'm striving to be the eye in the hurricane that is my life. I think I'm succeeding. I feel pretty calm.

 

Wow high mind blowing sunset

 

Naked pull-ups. Casual.

 

September 19, 2011

I love thinking about peoples' skewed perceptions of me. It's like there are 100 alternate me's walking around doing what they think I do

 

I dreamed of a cat I once knew and woke up sneezing.

 

Dang I have a date tonight, kinda nervous. Haven't been on a date with a stranger in I dunno how long

 

I mean we slept together but I was basically blacked out

 

RT @TheOldHollywood: "My life has been bitter and hard. I'm not like other women." - Lily Powers (Barbara Stanywck) in Baby Face (1933)

 

I guess as much as I rail against procreation I am fairly maternal

 

I say that because I was just thinking to myself how much I hope my house plants become trees some day

 

Do you think bonsai is humane?

 

September 20, 2011

I love this weather. Actually I love all weather. I love the natural heating and cooling processes of Gaia that allow life to thrive

 

Hella ghosts and ghouls moaning in the Halloween aisle

 

The gross thing about Mission street is when it gets hot and smells like curdle pee and butt and that reminds me of sex that I've had

 

September 21, 2011

Drink got spilled in my bed it's cool though it's forcing me to sleep on a different side and I worship change

 

RT @Ennui_Raver: RT @graeyalien: peace to all those incarcerated

 

Bob the mailman laughing to himself and waving to me across the bar

 

You know, I have a drinking problem but at least I don't smoke cigarettes

 

September 22, 2011

I can't believe dinosaurs sometimes. So big.

 

Going to check out the dollar dress rack

 

September 23, 2011

This guy I met off craigslist two years ago texting me. He's hot. He goes to Ruby Sky every Friday and Saturday haha

 

I'm for total human extinction

 

My coworker has a Misfits tattoo

 

Do I need glasses? Or is it the lashes? Or is this print just really fucking small? I'm like holding this magazine an inch from my face

 

September 24, 2011

Aging former Duchess getting hauled away in an ambulance. Christ.

 

One eye brow is definitely jumping ship

 

I just jacked off and jacked off for a gypsy cab driver. In drag. He's cool.

 

"Now you got a story for your friends." Me: "I do anything for a story." Him: "I could tell." Hahaha okay?!

 

The only thing I like more than jacking off a stranger is washing my hands afterward!

 

@SALEM_U I'm gonna betray you

 

I got mom jeans on and a plastic bag, I look kind of Witches of Eastwick today actually

 

Lol at Sophilya washing Victoria's cd in the bathroom sink last night at the drag show. It actually worked?!

 

Fuckin love KD Lang

 

Lol at me doing a second pass down the aisle at Charlie's last night during a number to ask a dude what he was doing later! Haha

 

Married grossly touches the small of my back. "Oh, sorry, I saw stripes." You are disgusting and pathetic.

 

He has this fetish that he loves people being mean to him. He told me about it. So being a giant bitch just like turns him on. Ew

 

My broad view of people is everyone needs attention but not everyone is comfortable enough garnering it in positive or healthy ways

 

It's energy exchange on a basic level. You think about something, you're giving it a little energy.

 

This 7th circle of Hell that is my dayjob

 

Our landlord died :/

 

I got off thee times yesterday (once with that cabby) but still have a perma-boner all day

 

Like every year I think I've peaked sexually but then I crest a ridge, clear the cloud line and see way more libido mountain to climb

 

Weird though I'm way not into sex right now, I only want somebody to watch me jack off. Aquarian sex vibes. Don't touch me.

 

One thing I'm proud of is my social media presence mirroring my irl presence pretty perfectly.

 

My neighborhood is kind of horrifying. If I felt fear.

 

Beautiful muzak version of "Kiss from a rose"

 

September 25, 2011

Bringing it home with This Mortal Coil and @GalloFamily I have a drinking problem but it's so fun and beautiful

 

I go on at 2:45 on the 7th St stage. Are you freaks ready to go hard into me?

 

We're all going very hard this weekend

 

Been inhaling thyme steam, guzzling honey, water, garlic tea, Kombucha, Singer's Saving Grace spray and puffing my inhaler

 

Lolol I loooove you Aunt Charlie's. Kirby is doing his comedy routine

 

September 26, 2011

RT @adrianiii: @ALEXISPENNEY is Folsom's young goddess

 

I've been trying to remember this word for like a week

 

I told a lot of people I loved them last night but I'm pretty sure I meant it all. "I love you without the pills." - @MSigourney

 

@OMGregory "Laying around in our underwear, really cute, in our twenties."

 

Being a lounge singer is my dream job right now. Would be so chic

 

well I'm gonna pass out after I look at pictures of myself for awhile. I just wanna like...figure out who I am hahaha.

 

"Contemporary and extremely exquisite!"

 

September 27, 2011

Ok I slept for like 12 hours

 

RT @yokoono: See what you can do. See what you want to do. See what you will do about it. Find your way out.

 

What am I gonna wear to this conference?

 

Oof this cough is back with a vengeance! Need to huff some more thyme

 

Reading the Animal-Speak guide that @Adeptus_ gave me to ascertain the meaning of the crazy bird I saw on mushrooms the other night

 

Yoga was really sexy. Sweating out some shit.

 

My mannerisms include waaay too many snaps

 

September 28, 2011

First time puking at Aunt Charlie's.

 

I puked like a fuckin banshee in the middle of the night. I think I'm done now.

 

I should really explore my Irish heritage and the legend of the banshee. I basically am one. My album should be called Wail.

 

"The leading horse is white, the second horse is red, the third one is black, the last one is green."

 

Wish my ipod had a personality and could project a tactile EM hologram body to pleasure me with. Would be so cute.

 

I'm a tawny doe in the desert with one long horn made of organic rose quartz

 

Gonna ask whoever delivers my room service how to turn on this lamp

 

I'm covered in food. The plan is, eat in one bed, sleep in the other.

 

Omg it's Carrie Ann Inaba

 

September 29, 2011

omg "Into Dust" playing in this Gears of War 3 commercial just gave me serious chills

 

this slide represents your vaginal wall in your twenties?! Jesus I need to go to bed.

 

Dr. Oz's prop department was feeling really outrageous today

 

I like when facebook knows who you've been stalking and you can type in one letter and their profile pops up. fuck you.

 

Wacky hotel dreams. This bed rules.

 

Oof, up early to slap on a face, get breakfast and blab on this panel. Weird and cloudy like home out there today.

 

watching a truly inspiring piece on Celine Dion on the Early Show right now.

 

Walking around Hollywood in heels and makeup on a quest for sun block so I can hang by the pool. I left my shades in the room oops!

 

Bout to have a Sue Penney in too much makeup by the pool with white zinfandel moment

 

Aw Erik Estrada is here taking pictures with handicapped people

 

Feeling so real, calling room service to send up extra glasses hahaha

 

September 30, 2011

I'm watching Spongebob it's a good show

 

Man I am insane

 

Wanna do a really slow, pretty version of "It Will Make Me Crazy" by Felix with just me and a piano

 

That toothless monkey sucking on a starburst last night was too much

 

My Fall goals include cutting down on meat, sugar, salt and alcohol, no smoking, more meditation, lots of exercise, lots of masturbation

 

RT @yokoono: A memory is a shadow of the past. Drink a glass of water to be back in the present.

 

Gotta get a haircut when I get home and then take stock of my emotional life. Also get rid of this cough. And throw out some clothes.

 

Sometimes I feel like this weird sack of cells will never be able to contain all this energy roiling inside of me

 

Who needs drugs when you can just miss some sleep and feel insane?

 

Vangelis

 

My barber gelled my hair into a faux hawk and I saw a roach there but I'm fine with it

 

Splurging on some nasty stuff. Fishnets, lingerie, whatever

 

Hint: there's a strip tease and some minor pyrotechnics...

 

Someone should put a mash-up of Moskow Disko and Cmon Ride the Train actually don't

 

October 1, 2011

I haven't figured out how to change the channel on the tv upstairs so I'm watching this Animal Planet cutest animal videos show

 

I just crossed streams with @focuscreeps

 

Earring backs. Am I right, ladies?

 

Trying to summon some strength to power me through this day. Weird sleepless visions, white rings and lava flows made of fabric, etc

 

My fledgling chest hairs are so cute and hilarious. Horses horses horses horses...

 

"You look as good as I feel. Your hair grows like a forest. It'd be cute if you wore penny loafers." Monkeys on a fucking type writer

 

That song "Private Dancer" applies to soo many asects of my life

 

If I adopted a child their name would be Volstagg

 

Statistically...how many of your close friends are pedophiles?

 

Being a real low-key bitch today.

 

I started a joke

 

I love the way the train sings. It's really subtly sad.

 

I want a bull roarer

 

So tired!!! Take me home wailing silver serpent, techno naga slave, cursed

 

Ok people on the street who really wanna include you in their problems. We're waiting in the same line so somehow I'm your life coach now?

 

Love waking up to some wild heigroglyph texts from my mom

 

"Also Jonie mitchell" yes and also her?

 

I never wanna take this Dead Can Dance t-shirt off

 

Jackson Galaxy, feline expert. Seriously? This guy's facial hair is wiiiild. Oh thank god the show's starting.

 

RT @Zen_Moments: We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets. ~ Marilyn Monroe

 

Here at the Hot Boxxx Girls we are literally working and scraping for every freaking dollar. I love it. Such a cute cast tonight.

 

October 2, 2011

I love how 3 drinks at Aunt Charlie's is 9-15 anywhere else.

 

I used to be such a rageaholic when I was drunk, like, really really bad, but I made a life change

 

Locked out and kind of rolling! Keys on the way but wooo this lobby is sexaaay

 

I'm gonna hump all my neighbors' bike seats

 

Tomorrow's gonna suck but tonight is amazing!!!

 

The flipside of rolling when you gotta go to work is waking up in a super good mood and then realizing I'm AN HOUR early for work. Christ.

 

Going to try and hate my job less today. We'll see how that goes.

 

RT @RuPaul: I detest casual clothes

 

My cousin sends me the cutest texts. This guy I slept with off Craigslist 2 years ago just texted me, "Blah." 

 

I got two different massages from two different guys today

 

Fuckin horses, horses, horses, god damn fucking horses

 

Just muttering horses over and over is my current mantra

 

more wacky mom texts. "john lennon is amazing wrote some great songs." oh god ok.

 

RT @FruitFlyLife: As god as my witness, I will never protect my tweets.

 

Someone told me that lemon detoxes your liver so I'm all over that right now

 

October 3, 2011

"one who sees in the dark"

 

"It is worth asking yourself whether you are deriving a perverse, almost erotic, pain/pleasure from scratching the itchy area..."

 

there's nude lace hanging over a corner of my tv but I'm too lazy to get up. oh god ok getting up.

 

This zit above my lip is giving me a Brando snarl. Cool with that.

 

The parallels between dermatology and plate tectonics

 

Fuck risotto.

 

I'm in like 5 superpositions right now

 

RT @DoreenVirtue444: All that I could ever need comes from God within.

 

Carpeting in a public space is so quaintly optimistic and also disgusting and insane

 

Just really trying to explore this bio-joke called consciousness/sentience/awareness and where it fits in the universe

 

I feel like on some level it could be ultimately meaningless? Well, meaningless like say gravity is meaningless

 

Lol but maybe there IS a god

 

I'm one but I don't wanna be rude about it

 

Give your mitochondria a hug

 

Soul-mote in a cell-sack

 

Stick your dick in a singularity

 

that one sound in "3 am Eternal" ...

 

there are times when the Dolly Parton chew it up and spit it out trick seems like a good idea.

 

found a bootleg of the Thomas Newman orchestral score from Less Than Zero, fucking beautiful

 

1000 year old witch prophet bacteria

 

this beautiful ambient track entitled, "I Need $50,000"

 

have about 300 tabs open and no signs of stopping. a quiet night in.

 

October 4, 2011

In bed reading Anackire, another gospel by my prophet Tanith Lee, all morning

 

Saw some really pretty visuals during corpse pose today. Icy blues and greens crawling up like crystalline vines.

 

Going to meet @Ur_late for oysters on the half shell and then a vital Safeway excursion for groceries aka bulk booze

 

October 5, 2011

Gonna get an Anackire tattoo

 

"I need $50,000"

 

RT @RumiQuotes: Do not feel lonely, The entire universe is inside you. #Rumi

 

October 6, 2011

I'm eating like literally the most perfect nectarine

 

fuck yeah I found that Weight Watchers commercial that always makes me cry

 

October 7, 2011

I love a morning that includes a lot of quality emails! I laughed, I cried, I got hard for a second...

 

@SALEM_U horses horses horses horses....

 

Which of the 4 horsemen would you date? I guess the obvious choice is War

 

I'm not fully convinced that I'm not the Whore of Babylon. We'll see what happens.

 

I'm not fully convinced of anything.

 

Gonna shave my eye brows but not my beard tonight. 

 

Need to buy lashes and baby wipes. Don't let me forget.

 

October 8, 2011

Ok flight in 4 hours, packing now...it really gets cute when I start shoving cards of bindis into little pouches and shit

 

I wanna eat mushrooms and try to ascertain the nature of my friends' souls, do you know what I mean?

 

I'm trying to figure out the nature of the individual, like, if that concept actually exists

 

Oooh...Collective Soul...good one, guys

 

It's a beautiful day. I'm trying not to puke.

 

Blasting Aphrodite's Child, Hole, Annie Lennox, waiting for my plane, iced green tea, furiously texting

 

Annnnnnackire

 

My body just decided to metabolize the rest of the drugs I took last night I'm like all jittery teeth chattery now. Cool

 

October 9, 2011

RT @PemaQuotes: Rather than spinning off, can we let the emotional intensity of that red-hot or ice-cold moment transform us?

 

"Why can't they have like a young, hot pope?" @SALEM_U

 

October 10, 2011

RT @yokoono: Draw a window on the wall to remind you of the silkrain that makes things grow.

 

RT @HETHERFORTUNE: there's no such thing as bad press so KEEP TALKING SUCKERS

 

I read this really good passage about Anackire's 8 arms two days ago.

 

My favorite thing to do is cry watching youtube with a bunch of gay guys

 

Church for sale

 

Ace Ventura: Son of God

 

I'm sitting on @twobitchesdeep lap feeling SO MANIC

 

What do you guys think of me calling my first record Diaphanous Climax?

 

We wrote our first song today! Exciting!

 

"Golden Rules for a Short Neck"

 

October 11, 2011

RT @AkeemOUCH: Nothing like seeing a old rat for inspiration

 

Writing a lullaby to myself

 

The hills up here are really speaking to me today. It's like Gaia is breast feeding me

 

I can't really look at a hill without seeing Anackire lately

 

"You're saying gods are the creatures of men?"

 

"No. That men themselves are gods. But, fearing their own greatness, they send it from them to a distance, and must give it other names."

 

I want to have a talk show that is one hour-long commercial-less close-up of my face talking about whatever the fuck I want

 

Very beautiful car on fire on the side of the highway. Second dramatic conflagration I've seen this week. Hmmm

 

Driving this field of windmills at sunset and "I Talk to the Wind" just came on, but none of us are talking about it

 

I'm on a really weird planet currently

 

Wish you could see this sunset it's pretty insane 

 

October 12, 2011

It's crazy how you can really take care of yourself but one person wipes their poopy hands on a cantaloupe and you keel over!

 

Wash your hands ya'll.

 

Was beyond lovely seeing @Juanita_more at High Fantasy last night. Such a beautiful person inside and out.

 

October 13, 2011

:/ I just got a message off of Seeking Arangement from an Eastern European mail order bride. Um...think you're confused

 

Shelf had fallen down in kitchen when we got home, so much broken glass, put on "Walking On Broken Glass" and swept it up

 

I get so insane. Dehumanizing myself constantly as an excuse for my completely human bad behavior

 

But I might be totally just not all together human

 

RT @teengirlfantasy: Y Sleep

 

@Ur_late this is your mind on drugs and it looks great

 

Woah my pee BURNS

 

Eh I don't wanna talk about it. Willy wins again

 

Drove 3 hours without a license while @nightfeelings fed me dark chocolate. So chic. I still got it.

 

Linda Perry and Pink definitely fucked

 

Beautiful rainbow haze on the sky

 

Just ate a bag of Doritos, bag of peanut butter M + M's, drank a V8 and we're about to stop at In N Out

 

@Adeptus_ you need to confront your aversion to dicks. What would Paul Muadeeb do? He'd tame that swinging monster and ride it around

 

@Ur_late if I'm wearing glow jewelry, chances are I'm on the verge of tears.

 

October 14, 2011

Diva wars via text and email. Mess with the bull...

 

Everyone in LA has a HUUUGE tv!

 

We're about to sit in on a bi-coastal witch meeting. I wonder if they will see Anackire's 8 arms fan out behind me?

 

This Korean rice wine is setting me off a little too early

 

I love when people break-up and I especially divorce and I think more people should do it and I still don't like Sonic Youth

 

"I'm in show business. The business of showing myself." -Oprah is changing my life

 

October 15, 2011

I love that we're only drinking out of bowls this weekend

 

Omg this mural by Macarthur Park of Jaime Escalante with his arm around the actor that played him in Stand and Deliver, amazing

 

"Well, I haven't seen a dick pic." "So it is a date!"

 

October 16, 2011

Ok, a girl-group with me, @MykkiBlanco , @colinself , @clarissawitch called CHES DEEP (shay deep) what do you think?!

 

October 17, 2011

I have an alcohol problem! WooOoooooooo

 

the experiences I've had while mixing mushrooms and molly continue to inform my every day decisions

 

I'm a little pitchy today but who's not after taking bong rips and screaming at a projector screen of Jersey Shore til 8 am?

 

there is something weird in my nose I thought it was a zit forever but I think it's a tiny collapsing star

 

Pretty sure these childhood "memories" are all implanted or hallucinated

 

Um, should I eat some grasshoppers right now? It seems like I should but I'm not sure

 

We should all hear each other shit sometimes

 

October 18, 2011

Gearing up to be a lady for the next 4 nights

 

Literally being met by a camera crew immediately off the train. Hii welcome home to your ridiculous life

 

Really feeling the smooth jazz ambient world music pulsing softly in the SFO bathroom

 

Watching all that Jersey Shore changed me. I've named my fake Fendi suitcase

 

The DP is HOT. I will say I've seduced more than one director of photography...

 

@SSION hey I'm thinking we should start a gay music festival called Waste Away Slowly

 

The Hills Have Eyes And Are Wearing Too Much Makeup

 

They're about to film me taking a shower ;)

 

October 19, 2011

I'm like, whered all my money go, what are these weird little pieces of paper in my purse? Oh I bought acid off a bum

 

RT @GinaLaDivina: Enjoy it world I sure am ... Kisses

 

About to get ready to film an interview with camera people. They're so funny we left them with Miss Shannon last night...

 

Someone just emailed me a Bitcoin

 

"I only brought one damn leg warmer." - Rotisserie Ethnicity Jackson

 

Oh my bad it's Rotisserie Ethnicity Jackson Houston Ross

 

Flash back to going to see musicals at Theater in the Park after youth group every Sunday in middle school

 

October 20, 2011

I wanna be a better bottom. Honestly. What oil should I be rubbing on my ass every night?

 

@Ur_late where are you? I hairsprayed my face woke up and now I'm on camera again

 

this guy is coming over to show me his magazine that he wants me to write for and I'm hoping that we're gonna hook up

 

if I keep having sex with different people but comparing them to one person do you think I'm in love with that person?

 

lol when I was digging in my purse on camera and found a bunch of Doritos in the bottom

 

did you guys feel the earthquake? that was cute. so ready for the big one. I think I know exactly where I'll stand.

 

Takin my daughter @Ur_late to a public sex party

 

Overheard at the gang bang: "I would be a zombie stripper but I'd get impatient about having to move that slow."

 

October 21, 2011

Just hooked up with the hottest coolest dude in the bathRoom at #dialup and he split! UgHhHh. I miss you OHio white trash.

 

I have been on the most ridiculous 2 month bender what the fuck how am I alive right now?

 

@Ur_late let's culture some impetigo in a petri dish and talk to it about our problems when we're lonely

 

@brandebtw "Morbid and Horny"

 

If I jack off on someone in a bathroom and make out with them for an hour I am at least gonna text them back. Am I right ladies?!

 

Oh cool found my jock strap.

 

RT @TupacLyrics: So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out - keep your head up, and handle it. Tupac

 

Damn I'm so bad at playing it cool with dudes. 5th unanswered text, "I'm obsessed with you." Good one you insane freak.

 

steady diet of preventative Neosporin in my nose re: House of Fantasy Impetigo Scenario 2011

 

October 22, 2011

Discovered this really useful feature on my phone for when I have to wake up and I'm really fucked up called "Loud"

 

The thing I love about ketamine is that it really takes you places

 

My boss, "Look at your eye balls." Yeah they actually look a little cracked. What?

 

Seal wrote "Kiss From A Rose" himself

 

Pretty sure I managed to put on "Higher Than The Sun" while actually on planet ketamine last night and it sounded amaaaazing

 

Ok, why give me your number at all if you're not gonna respond? What if I have it wrong? It's happened before!

 

Everything's fine as long as there's music playing

 

why is your cat poking me on Facebook?

 

I'm pretty gross right now. Next week I am putting my life back together

 

October 23, 2011

I forgot my ipod. At least I got two mags and a book. Wow I am DRUNK right now

 

RT @lonelyboi69: if that iphone app makes you feel like a good photographer who am i to give you a reality check

 

I come from a long spiritual line of articulate and talented alcoholics

 

There are a few voice mails I wish I still had

 

Oh god just found texts to the porn star from last night. "FUck me don't daTe me or do both who cares?" Good one

 

Miley Cyrus should cover "Running Up That Hill"

 

My new motto is "Mess with the bull, you get the shit!"

 

Giant bag of drugs in my purse that I definitely didn't buy.

 

October 24, 2011

I have impetigo inside my nose but at least it's not on my face and I look really sexy right now so whatevs

 

This is a really funny thing for me to be doing right now.

I'm very emotional today.

 

"...such workers are also known as dose fodder, glow boys, and gamma sponges." Ew god

 

Wait so are there any banks not charging for debit cards? Should I just horde my money under my mattress?

 

Text from my mom, "Prancers ophthamologist is gay poor thing is blind working onsaving her good eye want a date with him kidding"

 

October 25, 2011

second day sober. my body is like so confused. I also had a cinnamon roll at Ikea so it's just a lot going on.

 

October 26, 2011

I'm not afraid of the vaguely supernatural because...well this sounds presumptuous but I can do anything they can do

 

I'm ready to meet the one-handed hottie that lives behind my bathroom mirror, all I'm sayin'.

 

RT @DoreenVirtue444: All that I could ever need comes from God within.

 

Lol RT @lonelyboi69: quit describing your sandwiches as "handcrafted" how the fuck else were you planning on doing it

 

I could get used to anything, fuck it. Chain me to a rock and let vultures eat my organs every day, I'll get used to it.

 

He's slapping my ass, I'm cleaning out his car, wtf. I move really fast in my non-relationships.

 

My bio-daughter wants me to lay naked on a canvas and splash paint on me and she's talking to me about modernist vs conceptual or something

 

I only ride in Hybrids

 

I only have sex with hybrid alien/humans

 

obsessed with "People Will Say We're In Love" as covered by Little Edie Beale. downloading every version I can find.

 

October 27, 2011

Earthquake! With @brandebtw my girlfriend. I want another! So fun.

 

Reading an article about a prodigy chef who's also a crazy addict and woops he has my birthday. Of course he fucking does.

 

Music about the only really exciting thing that exists.

 

October 28, 2011

@brandebtw just showed up with a giant bag of snacks and dumped them on my bed. amazing!!! I'm stuffed.

 

In bed with my sweet princess @brandebtw if anything funny happens, I blame the Doritos/M+Ms/ice cream bar combo

 

Love waking up in a skirt

 

Love looking at myself in a skirt

 

Just remembered the guy I'm trying to get a job with watched me give a rim job on a porch at a party. Bonus?

 

I love Cibo Matto. Viva La Woman! changed my life when I was 13.

 

Nightbirds by Labelle changed my life when I was 18

 

Hot construction worker chatting me up at the bus stop. I think I just have one of those faces.

 

I can answer the fuck out of a phone

 

Lost in Ross, thinking about my life, prostrating myself to whatever the universe wants to bring me.

 

Ross: We Like It Ugly And Cheap

 

Ross is actually my favorite store

 

Ross: Where Perry Ellis Goes To Die

 

Ross: I Would Fuck Every Guy In This Line

 

Ross: I'm buying two packs of bikini briefs and a lemon juicer

 

Whenever I see two straight guys together I'm gonna start referring to them as a straight couple

 

Jesus, these jackfruit chips...

 

October 29, 2011

RT @carmen_carrera: Why did I ever think a Queen could be satisfied with a prince??? Where's my king??? =\

 

Job12: Job said, "Who does not know all these things? With God are wisdom and power. He brings darkness into light. He destroys nations."

 

I'm up somehow

 

I'm in love with this new guy at my work

 

@Adeptus_ @ultrademon @ttteams @AaronDavidRoss @nightfeelings white/green Dragonblooded Plains Goddess deck don't even

 

@Sigrid_Lauren my dream is to be worshiped as a goddess by a legion of men that I despise

 

"Come little children I'll take thee away..."

 

October 30, 2011

RT @Ur_late: "I just occupy a bunch of drag shows."-@ALEXISPENNEY

 

Fuck Halloween. Fuck straight people. You can all procreate and burn in hell with your idiot babies. Fuck us all I hope we all die. :)

 

I'm too crazy for all this I had to stumble home barefoot. Not the first time, not the last.

 

I love when the light comes in through my blinds, it's so American Gigolo

 

Lol love RT @Ur_late: RT @KolaBoof: Who hasn't seen me topless before? I'm Kola Boof!

 

"...like a storm trooper in drag."

 

You are all my children, and I yours

 

"Mom? I met someone..." is probably my all-time favorite joke

 

October 31, 2011

I like to imagine he's singing about me wearing a blue dress. Haha

 

RT @DoreenVirtue444: Forgive yourself, Darling Child of God, for your harsh judgments of your reality!

There's a new goddess in town...she's a big-breasted amber-eyed stone fertility goddess named Cah. Cahhhhhh

RT @ImmortalMasters: Fusion With The Void....

 

November 1, 2011

Took a ton of "acid" and it didn't do shit! Passed out on my bedroom floor in front of Dreamgirls. Love that flick.

 

November 2, 2011

Listening to Jeff Buckley and staring at the ceiling

 

I'm collecting wrong region Madonna tour dvds

 

House of 1000 Gay Corpses In Drag

 

Lol the New Mutants just moved onto Mission Street but it is no Mission Street I've ever seen. Funny we live on the same street though

 

Finally cleaning my closet. I have an awful lot of black drapey cable knit sweaters. Also I should never buy stripes ever.

 

November 3, 2011

Just found a TRASH BAG FULL OF LINGERIE no big deal. Jesus I am insane 

 

I can actually imagine having sex with Weird Al as being super fun and hot

 

how weird ARE you, Al?

 

my nickname with my cousins growing up was Big Al :/

 

did you know that every time I undress "Lacrimosa" inexplicably rings softly through the air?

 

Get a boner in a skirt

 

I've seen fire and rain and so many drag shows

 

November 4, 2011

"Can you focus today? The odds are not really on your side." Man fuck my horoscope

 

Ah christ I got wasted and bought a video camera off a bum for $7 just found it in my purse. It works too.

 

Still have impetigo :/ whatever I just hope it doesn't infect my brain

 

"There hasn't been anything real since grunge." -Daphne Guinness

 

Everything is real whatever

 

I love a 4- 6- or 8-armed bitch

 

Kali, Shiva, Spiral, Anackire, that chick from Mortal Kombat, what was her name?

 

This hospital campus is beautiful and romantic. There's a homeless dude in the hallway pants down screaming nobody doing anything uh...

 

So...Panduv the Zakorian fire dancer has been sold to a temple of Cah as a whore and there is a lesbian subplot happening. Love you Tanith.

 

"Vacationing With Your Pet" somebody actually sat down and wrote this book. Seriously?

 

Gag!!! RT @Oprah: Me! Fire-walking! Last night! 

 

Wearing a dyed-burgundy rabbit fur @amyblaustein gave me and a red snakeskin evening bang Sherry Jean gave me

 

RT @kd_sissboombang: Occupy yourself. Your soul Your mind Your life. Your responsibility.

 

November 5, 2011

Femme top ya'll doesn't that account for anything anymore? Just kidding it never did wait lemme moisturize real quick

 

I'm a glamorous bitch goddess a trashed trashy fag I'm cheezy I'm a dj I'm your saviour I have a problem I'm yin yang fuck you I miss you

 

Good night you sexy pathetic glorious pile of shit world

 

Cooks are gagging in the back for "More Than A Feeling" I'm sorry guys that song fucking sucks chill out

 

I first saw you...you had on blue jeans...

 

Inexplicable "Oh, shit! Fuck! Shit fuck!" from the cab driver. Uhh you ok?

 

November 6, 2011

I only get depressed when I make out with someone at a club and then I look at their facebook and it's just all wacky faces

 

man the jokes that kill the most at the shows are just me talking about my parents. I guess I gotta start talking to them again. material.

 

Crusty coworker literally smells exactly like my balls but it's his whole ambiance. Always impressed by a ripe roomfilling crust punk.

 

Older gay guy on cell phone earlier, "It's called Plenty of Fish. No. Pleeenty of Fish."

 

Just let Married give me a really long good massage. I'm bad I just encourage him all the time then act super bitchy when he hits on me

 

November 7, 2011

why do I stay up creeping on the lives of people I never really liked and vaguely feel superior to?

 

I'm obsessed with the skin tone/hair color/brow job combinations going on with the girls from my high school. woah.

 

Sometimes you just gotta give yourself over to an uncomfortable situation

 

November 8, 2011

"A hope and longing common to all humanity, manifests through behavior rooted in human physiology and common experience,"

 

Eating chips and reading Jung. Hiii I'm sober.

 

I could just eat snacks, subsisting off of photosynthesis, probably never die, maybe my hair would flower. I'd be so cool.

 

if I was in a movie about the military it'd be called AWOL

 

Got all my winter essentials: huge new comforter, black wool Anne Klein trench, uh, some fake grapes for the altar at the club lol

 

status updates like, "does anyone want to do this with me? I'm really bored but I don't know who to ask" etc so depressing. just do it alone

 

I'm trying to think up a name for the process by which you face all your greatest fears and insecurities head-on in a trial by fire

 

A LONG HARD LOOK IN THE GOD DAMN MIRROR NO BLINKING

 

Lol RT @MylesUSA: "What was that John Denver song I was just gagging over?" - @ALEXISPENNEY

 

So my new tarot deck arrived and as I was looking at it a card fell to the ground face down. Me and @MylesUSA gasped, flipped it...

 

...And it was the High Priestess

 

Aaand the dvd player won't open haha we're in here with knives and pens and shit

 

November 9, 2011

I love that I'm at the point where people come to my club and don't know who I am and are rude to me. total arrival.

 

Everything But The Drag Queen

 

@KEEHN4N Everything But The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Spare Me)

 

@KEEHN4N Everything But The Girl, One Guy, One Other Girl And A Pizza Place

 

@KEEHN4N Everything But The Grill Brick

 

@KEEHN4N Everything But The Gandolf

 

There's a guy screaming and beating the shit out of the bus stop across the street

 

The opposite of "Still got it!" is "Had it then!"

 

RT @TotalMarino: I produced way more important artists anyway, ever heard of a little lady from kansas city by the name of @ALEXISPENNEY ... Queen of Sex...?

 

#dragliferecords

 

November 10, 2011

I like when a guy in porn looks nice. not like dressed sharp like looks like a nice person haha.

 

Lol RT @KEEHN4N: Sapid: having taste or flavor; agreeable to the taste, palatable; agreeable, as to the mind; to one's liking.

 

Slept forever finally gonna go to yoga ya know find my center, decompress my spine, strive for physical balance so that mental can follow

 

I wanna over-use the semicolon a lot this winter

 

Been reading all this Jung so everything's an archetype for me right now

 

just seems really funny to funnel a bunch of MONEY into a movie to indict consumerist culture. What is a movie if it's not consumerist?

 

I'm the trickle down effect of generations of carcinogens, hallucinogens, addictions watered-down esoteric spirituality generation

 

I appreciate duality I think it's one way of looking at the natural order of the world, ONE way.

 

I'm still really tripping out about the quantum computers. 0 1 and 01 at the same time. worlds of possibilities if you apply that to anything

 

I can open new tabs with my mind. Not to mention new windows.

 

November 11, 2011

Rereading the 4th Diane Duane Young Wizards book. Her take on magic actually directly informs my take on life.

 

I don't believe in wishes. My needs and desires are vibrating out from me all the time,

even ones I'm not aware of...

 

I also feel like there's nothing I could ever want that's out of my reach

 

Bout to hit up the De Young with @waterborders feeling chic

 

Omg @Ritabacon just gave me a copy of Madonna's Sex book!!! Gag! Everything feels so right all of the sudden!

 

November 12, 2011

Immortality through digital documentation and/or does that matter?

 

RT @RuPaul: Zombies are so not chic

 

Lol unghhh wish I was there RT @Ritabacon: Laying in @ALEXISPENNEY's bed. Totally nude. Listening to Deep Forest and planning my day.

 

Big thank you to Aunt Charlie's for some of the craziest hang overs ever these past 4 years

 

Ever read Many Waters? L'Engle book about the twins who end up in Biblical times. Super homoerotic angels and shit.

 

I'm having sex fantasies about the Angel Gabriel and the Prophet Muhammad

 

I remember feelings.

 

I use to feel a lot before I outsourced my emotions to music and alcohol

 

I slept with this dude that worked at Papa Keno's in KC and lived out of his truck cuz he put his number on my pizza box when I was 18

 

Kayne West walks into a bar wearing something really annoying

 

Do you believe in the truth?

 

Call me Alex call me a bitch whatever

 

It's the kind of hangover where I text guys I've slept with from other states

 

Informed Married that the only times I'm attracted to him are when I'm super fucking hungover like today.

 

Now he's giving me a ride to the train. Here we go...

 

Drinking this really swarthy turmeric, thyme and chrysanthemum tea with honey for this cough

 

November 13, 2011

Texting this guy I fancy across the bar all night a bunch of bullshit, he just answered with "keep me" oh it's ON bitch

 

I respect a religious movement that relies on inarticulate speakers over crappy pa systems on street corners. Underdogs.

 

this day kind of crushed my soul but this pre-sunset cloud show and Annie Lennox are totally helping

 

there's no problem that a few minutes alone in my room with good music won't alleviate

 

my room has smelled like popcorn for the past week and a half, by the way, I can't figure it out...

 

"Not what I lack, or what I desire. Give me only what I am."

 

My gender identity is that part in the "Come To Daddy" video where the ghoul is screaming in the old lady's face

 

Swarthy is my look for November. Month-long bitch note.

 

November 14, 2011

I still have staph/impetigo/whatever occupying my nose and possibly my face, I've tried holistic, I've tried prescription Western...

 

Nothing left now but to pray?!

 

RT @ImmortalMasters: in trouble? then Just STOP

 

This green Tabasco and apple butter combo is doing it for me

 

This week I am resolving to take better care of my mind and body

 

November 15, 2011

Just swept up this huge morass of dead leaves that had accumulated over months in my plant corner. Trying to find this weird popcorn smell

 

There are a lot of ecosystems in here

 

RT @TupacLyrics: Since we all came from a woman, got our name from a woman and our game from a woman I wonder why we take from our women.

 

Tired of hooking up with exclusively dom dudes. What about me looks submissive to you?

 

I like to just walk down my street and buy stuff

 

Just did a reading for my love life and the end result was the Devil Card hahaha

 

November 16, 2011

I am so hungover!!! I'm gonna go to yoga

 

I love/hate the tickle of the carpet outside of yoga on my bare feet right before I walk into class

 

Amazing yoga class. Had an epiphany about some dumb stuff. I am so hung over it's crazy. High Fantasy was a blast last nite, luv ya'll

 

I love wearing amber oil, too. Amber is also the sacred gem of Anackire. Perfect.

 

My bank account is overdrawn, I have staph in my nose and a drinking problem, but I have a beautiful new wig and I'm going out :D

 

"I really only liked 'Dancing On My Own' for like a second." "I really only liked 'Show Me Love.'" Lol

 

November 17, 2011

"We like give blow jobs to the same chaser while we'te laying next to each other coked out."

 

The green veil

 

Winter is fun cuz you can jack the space heater when you got guys in your room you're trying to seduce

 

Winter is fun cuz you can take drugs and huddle nude over the space heater

 

November 18, 2011

"I'm tired! I have a really fuckin stressful life unlike this bitch who got rich off facebook!" Overheard. How do you get rich off facebook?

 

RT @markaguhar: @ALEXISPENNEY #passing #transWAR

 

RT @lindsaylohan: i love #DatelineNBC @dateline

 

Lol we had to play "Ooh Baby I Love Your Way" as our overture cuz we couldn't find the Broadway Overtures cd

 

November 19, 2011

#thingsIdonttellmymom every window I stand in front of, I imagine jumping out of

 

#thingsIdonttellmymom every time I look at you, I imagine punching you, and the repercussions

 

"I'm really boring in bed. I had too many meth orgies when I was a teenager." Text I sent a guy today.

 

Time to become...a woman.

 

Miss Classy walking in on a bluetooth, "I just can't wait to get this over with so I can go and get me some dick."

 

Last night the house was packed out the door, literally, standing room only, tonight we're performing for 4 people lol. You never know.

 

November 20, 2011

Omg my stripper friend from when I first moved here's sister has been driving me around in a Homobile for months and I didn't realize

 

Guy from the band I made out with last night only has a land-line. This could work in his favor haha

 

I definitely get why gods have existed for a lot of people, looking at the sky on a day like this it almost has to have been painted there

 

Cah, passed out and missed my stop. Woops.

 

Drag queens love talking about the universe

 

November 21, 2011

RT @NickyHilton: I can't look at a Fiat without thinking of J-Lo.

 

I feel like I've been reincarnated at least 7 times in the last 7 years.

 

I feel like I'm in a weird hybrid Crone/Maiden aspect

 

The Crone with a boner

 

I'm changing my name to Aspect Millenia

 

"You are gods."

 

Reading a list of associatives to the Suit of Swords of the tarot is like reading a laundry list of my own good and bad qualities.

 

November 22, 2011

just had the weirdest neighbor interactions ever. other gay neighbor's sister left her mean dog in our hallway...totally weird

 

RT @DoreenVirtue444: Why should the soul be incapable of retreading itself through many lifetimes?

 

Cher should cover "How Bizarre." "Hey...buy the rights." I really wanna hear her say that.

 

An audio book of Cher reading the entire King James Bible

 

My entire face itches

 

Cher reads the complete works of Stephen Hawking

 

Cher sings Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

 

Put that pepper spray cop in one of those SNL Donatella Versace skits

 

Well I'm girdled so I'm feeling a little off. Nothing some high heels and a lot of tequila won't solve.

 

November 23, 2011

Hmmm my feet are suspiciously clean on the bottom

 

I wish Bjork and Madonna had done a record together in the style of "Bedtime Story"

 

Got such good comics today. Was ruminating on the our spherical perception of reality and these books are right there with me.

 

Cher: Selected Readings From Field and Stream Magazine, 1950-1959

 

@lizathorn is lecturing us on minimalism and Magic: The Gathering

 

November 24, 2011

Just got a happy Thanksgiving text from Mercury Mad @roydanielle

 

Also have a voice mail from John Glenn. Here we go...

 

Happy Thanksgiving I'm laying in bed with @lizathorn smoking weed

 

This girl asked what I was reading. "The New Yorker." "Are you from New York?" Haha um no...

 

Just took the trash down in heels. That was funny.

 

Just researching pre-Christian goddesses. Lit some candles. Feeling good. 

 

November 25, 2011

Thinking about the Big Bang

 

Sudden desire to hang out in a cemetery and read epitaphs and shit

 

All my life for my beautiful son Bartok

 

Beeeeeeautiful sky over the Oakland hills today.

 

I'm really into a bad retouch

 

Some customers from my day job this morning are at the drag show!!! I was like, "...did I wait on you this morning?!" They gagged!

 

I'm all, "Am I a better waiter or drag queen?" They looked at each other and without missing a beat, "Drag queen!" Hahaha GAG

 

November 26, 2011

I'm drunk and I'm crazy and I think I am Jesus

 

It's like a million degrees and sunny outside why am I laying in bed in a sweater squinting into the sun coming in my window?

 

Ah got too drunk at brunch I can't function now

 

I fucking love k.d. lang so fucking much

 

If a burglar walked into my apartment I would just try to give him a hug and ask if he believes in universal moral truth

 

Omg the empanada guy just said hi to me special and said it was good to see me. Hi I've been obsessed with you for months, want my # ?!?!

 

Wonder if "my" energies will destroy this body

 

I have a lot of weird stories to tell

 

One of the allures hypothetical fame wears is the possibility of sliding into things at the top that you normally have to work forever for

 

I will name my lesbian daughter Fame.

 

@nickschollVEVO Osiris mailed a bunch of girls his penis

 

@AmyWastings many people are wary of taking mushrooms with me cuz I start running around screaming about how I'm god

 

Lighting some candles, gonna lay in bed and drink champagne with @lizathorn

 

RT @DoreenVirtue444: The earth needs you, lightworker, and heaven calls for you to hear the news that you have nothing to fear.

 

November 27, 2011

Me and @lizathorn are forced to sleep in separate beds to avoid conceiving the child who would become the Ultra-Christ

 

RT @lizathorn: you are beautiful and you are alone

 

Lucky for me goddess sent a bunch of sirens wailing down my street at the exact moment my alarm would have gone off if I had set it

 

And there's my hope soap guy. So bizarre that I'm always exiting the car he's entering.

 

What is hope?

 

Found a book on the street on abnormal psychology. What are you trying to tell me?

 

RT @yokoono: Think of a beautiful thing you don't own. See if you could still appreciate its beauty.

 

Brewed a sencha with garlic, oregano oil, thyme, ginger and tumeric and splashed a little apple cider vinegar in it. Tasted like pizza.

 

Thyme is also really good for the lungs

 

@_shrine_ hi I'm glad you're back

 

Are you a figment of my imagination or am I one of yours?

 

Still confused about the plot of Final Fantasy X

 

Don't get me wrong, let's get this surface exchange out of the way, but if I can muster the breath to ask how you're doing you could answer?

 

"Hi, how's it going?" They all just stare at their menus ackwardly. Like, what? Is there something on my face? First time in public?

 

RT @cher: You're Happy,Tripp'n Pissed off,Sad,ITS ALL GOOD

 

"We found love in a Pope-less place." Two gay knights during the Crusades

 

November 28, 2011

Anyway yeah just slept through an anime I'm hibernating zzz

 

Your sour expression reminds me to put a bitchy little smile on my face. "See? I'M happy."

 

Oh wow I just remembered my nasty dream. My dad was a silver-fox CIA agent who was training me to fight him and we hooked up a little

 

Why can't anyone get these Silicon Valley billionaires on a decent toning and moisturizing regimen? So much money, so many pock-marks

 

I have lived next to so many shit bands

 

New message from Amazon.com: "All the crazy ass bullshit you bought has shipped, whatcha gonna buy tonight idiot? Cha-ching!"

 

Ok creepy flickering burnt out light in the apartment hallway, I see you. Bitch the Grudge was written about me.

 

November 29, 2011

reading about this pre-Christian Hebrew goddess Asherah. This is revelatory to me.

 

my current itunes playlist is Ashara, from an alternate name for Anackire. makes so much sense.

 

@Adeptus_ you're right. Nice save. Praise be to the Queen of Heaven, Asherah.

 

Text from my mom, "familiar with harry chapin"

 

"You of all people will appreciate this..." Ok just stop right there

 

"Have you seen that South Park episode where..." No. Stop.

 

Trying to look through this layer of reality into the next. It all looks fuzzy today.

 

RT @yokoono: Listen to the ocean inside your body.

 

These dudes' asses who work at the car wash when they're bending over vacuuming out cars, best part of my work day.

 

Well I've picked up enough shitty extra days at my shitty job to make up for the shitty money the shitty government took from me :D

 

I don't care

 

Abe Lincoln on the $5...I could maybe love you. He's tall you know he got a big one

 

got like 30 tabs open right now and they're all wikis of Sumerian deities

 

I haven't drank in 3 days isn't that insane? Still got staph but I feel good

 

High Fantasy, where you get so drunk your inner-nose staph infections stop itching

 

This girl asked who I was playing, I'm like it's a really obscure 90s Donna Summer breakbeat track, but she didn't know who that was...?

 

November 30, 2011

I was bending down to get my laptop and I puked/sneezed under the dj booth. I wiped it up quick and didn't say but I want you guys to know

 

Have never puked at my own party hahaha

 

I just puked, where the hell is my drink?!

 

It was just a tiny bit

 

Cried out all my demons to @brandebtw over a giant bag of tortilla chips last night, I feel great now

 

I am SO hungover suddenly but I must say I feel really cool and optimistic about my life

 

RT @sevverin: ok I have my whole life planned out

 

Nothing like an insane hang over to make me appreciate my life

 

I want to make records and do drag and write comics forever. I figured it out.

 

Blissing out in the dark listening to k.d. lang

I am in a really long line at my favorite funky local boutique Walgreens

 

Self-mixing 90 second epoxy...I could do a lot with that

 

December 1, 2011

Everything coming out of me today is burning

 

I feel crampy. Going to yoga.

 

I have a lot of things to sweat out

 

Found a bindi on the bottom of my foot at yoga

 

RT @DoreenVirtue444: You have the ability to tune out the sound of fear and focus on the universal voice of love.

 

I listen to Hole every day and I don't remember the last time I listened to Nirvana

 

December 2, 2011

Would you carry the torch...for me?

 

There was the sexiest golden retriever in today. He tried to act like a normal service dog but I could see in his eyes he freaky

 

Hm smells like shit on this train. I always feel like people will assume it's me.

 

December 3, 2011

I've never taken acid by itself actually. I'm just sitting here pondering reality, uh...what's new?

 

I can see my atoms but that's happened before a lot on mushrooms in the daytime at my job

 

"unshockable"

 

adam4adam on acid was a bad idea

 

Sofia is Yaweh in drag

 

Sherry Jean just told the craziest k.d. lang story I can't even repeat it.

 

"I chased her like a monkey woman!"

 

Sherry Jean has christened herself (in the third person) monkey woman/monkey girl and it makes so much sense

 

Literally slipped on a banana peel in the Tenderloin just now.

 

"How do you eat before a show?! Oh wait you do ballads." Hahaha exactly

 

December 4, 2011

Who decided that the plural of person is people?

 

John Glenn texting me Bollywood .mp3s

 

I'm so mellow lately I don't even think I hate straight people anymore

 

Watching this plane overhead is kind of tripping me out. 50 tons of metal and a bunch of people thousands of feet in the air.

 

RT @kirstiealley: ..................... miss me? I miss you.......................................running man

 

"Unenriched Iranian uranium" say that three times fast

 

December 6, 2011

RT @__shrine__: glass is slow water

 

fist full of vitamins for dessert

 

Watching Ru Paul's 1993 Christmas special with @twobitchesdeep online while going thru my closet and making cuts. At 3 am

 

"The face is more salty-sweet than the mealy, tasteless egg sac."

 

I think Charlize Theron should endorse a fragrance as Eileen Wuornos. "Revenge."

 

I favorited a @YouTube video youtu.be/315Cnu_O33g?a AFTER ALEXIS

 

RT @lizathorn: i dont give a fuck

 

RT @ImmortalMasters: Buddha's Breathing can get rid of any addiction

 

"We have opened an unpaid item case for CHRYSOCOLLA STONE CARVED AND POLISHED AS PENDANT AND EARRINGS." Oh shit I'm sorry I forgot!

 

John Glenn just gave me a bag of weed and two sci-fi paper backs. Love him!

 

December 7, 2011

I am in love with this straight guy I'm riding down with. I can't today I can't

 

I love those super reflective tanker trucks. So beautiful.

 

We're playing Exquisite Corpse instead. All this talk of mash, I want mashed potatoes. Seriously.

 

RT @DoreenVirtue444: Don’t wait a moment longer to release every shred of fear or doubt to heaven’s waiting arms.

 

Oh god my phone is dying oh goddess don't strand me in information wilderness

 

My goddess exists a giant inter-universal inter-planar womb of knowledge order information communication

 

Got some good tunes on in the car, feelin good, had a V8 Splash, feelin human again finally

 

Smokin a joint in the car, cruisin to an 80s synth comp

 

Stoned daydreams of giant genetically engineered cyborg cows that shit coal and offer crude oil from their teets

 

RT @monistat: Every girl needs a sensible pair of pumps in bone...

 

In WeHo taking shots watching a finalist from Australian idol

 

I Know What You Did Last Summer In West Hollywood

 

December 8, 2011

RT @nightfeelings: Ok...when u play lonely sea at the gay club please Paypal me and @ALEXISPENNEY 2 bucks each. Thank youx

 

@GODDOLLARS "I'm too emotionally available for these bitches."

 

RT @SusanPowter: To everyone filming everything; please jesus, hold the camera still...

 

RT @Courtney: @kirstiealley if you were here right now, we'd tear up this town tonight. get your hot ass to the other coast asap! 

 

RT @JEALSD: You could think of me as part of the problem or you could think of me as your Muse.

 

RT @WordWhispers: Standing outside to watch a golden sphere of fire languidly dissolving into the horizon should be an ongoing assignment.

 

RT @MykkiBlanco: sisyphus took a break from rolling that giant rock; and we took ecstasy together

 

The following loud and disgusting belches have been brought to you by Andre's extra dry

 

I'm taking a shit at the punk show thinking about all the events in my life that have led me to this point

 

December 9, 2011

"I always hear green days time of your life and ho" text from my mom. Uh what?

 

"Sorry time of your life and hope you guys look back on your childhoods at least part of it and think of that" um well maybe?

 

@iamjustsaying "None of the people in this room have missed a Glee."

 

Just sang "Maybe This Time" at the piano bar

 

"So many faggots know how to sing!" - @OMGregory

 

December 10, 2011

CONtiNUINg. To leArN. HOW. UniMpOrtaNt Sex. Is.. I'm HApPy. About. ThAt.

 

I. SPilled.wiNE On. My PHoNE. It's affectiNg My font.

 

A naked picture of myself from xtube just showed up in my tumblr feed, should I reblog it?

 

Lunch at the Abbey with @TOTAL_FREEDOM_ so fun! I love it here

 

This audio store is like a really psychedelic experience right now. Like a bad movie.

 

December 11, 2011

Me and @OMGregory wearing white to a bbq, obvi

 

"You guys are doing this in front of a drag queen, doesn't that feel weird?" Phyllis lol

 

RT @TupacLyrics: Bumpin’ these walls as I pause, addicted to the fast life. Tupac

 

"Is that Fat Joe? He's so skinny!"

 

RT @DoreenVirtue444: You can fly as free as a bird, without constraint or time restrictions. You can achieve this right now!

 

December 12, 2011

I really like dresses that tie at the neck

 

I haven't changed my underwear the whole time I've been in LA

 

The rhythm of your laughter it sounds like a melody...

 

Can't believe the only thing I got on my white dress yesterday was a lil salad dressing

 

Taking the bus through Hollywood. I feel insane.

 

December 13, 2011

That thing where you fart really loud on a crowded bus while wearing head phones so you know it happened but don't even care

 

My Life On The ?! List

 

The Gay With The Tribal Tattoo

 

Phones that charge themselves from ambient negative thoughts

 

"As If We Never Said Goodbye" stuck in my head.

 

Do you believe in good and evil?

 

So like...nothing is really solid, because there is space between atoms and all of that, we're just tenuous bags of rotating gunk

 

So basically...we are space? So much weird shit must pass between our atoms without our knowing

 

RT @MylesUSA: I want to be the mom kissing santa

 

Playing an all 80s midtempo and breakbeat set right now

 

This guy that I threw out of my house once is dancing front and center

 

December 14, 2011

Which theoretical quantum particle is the hottest?

 

My sweater actually is on backwards and inside out. I am living Jagged Little Pill today.

 

I took that shower I'd been meaning to take for a month

 

RT @MagicalLegs: It's time u leave the nest and learn to illegally download on your own

 

I have no money and I'm shopping it's so fun I love it you too can do the impossible

 

December 15, 2011

RT @MylesUSA: I wish for a christmas miracle scenario where santa visits me in my sleep to seed me and I wake up to give birth to a teddybear baby

 

RT @KEEHN4N: KILL ALL MEN

 

Mid-90s gay interest adult contemporary is officially my favorite genre

 

Celine Marie Claudette Dion

 

How many millisieverts am I receiving right now?

 

I just bounced my first track on Logic I feel so powerful

 

tried to find a homoerotic card for my grandma but settled on a baby seal card with a Katherine Hepburn stamp and AIDS ribbon mailing label

 

I basically live on Souvlaki Space Station

 

Fuck X-Force was so intense this month I don't even know where I am anymore

 

someone really needs to make a tumblr around Madonna's arms

 

December 16, 2011

slow heat death

 

I am really sweating someone I know who passed this past weekend. I hope everyone everywhere can find a reason to live and be happy :(

 

Just licked some of my own pee. Good night.

 

Fuck I saw him on the train and we just small talked. I didn't even thank him for this bed that I'm sleeping on that he gave me :(

 

Cuz we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy

 

One year of being a prostitute - a lifetime of getting the rentboy.com newsletter

 

One drag queen's quest to eliminate judgment from her life and become a truly impartial observer. The impossible dream.

 

Maybe neutrality is a false ideal. Can be any more false than imagined benevolence or morality though...

 

Maybe what I really want isn't neutrality but just to be apart. "All I want is my window to look through..."

 

If I were objective in my perception of time then I would realize I have at this and every moment everything I will ever own

 

Ownership being subjective I as a neutral being actually have never and will never own anything and how could I pass any judgment on that?

 

I just want Diane Duane's wizard's oath to be passed into law

 

The ghosts or impressions of every one of my ancestors existing on every shred of my DNA.

 

RT @MykkiBlanco: smoking weed then shaving your legs, REALLY SLOW

 

RT @ImmortalMasters: Heart-ache? natural during energy shift... relax more and let clotted energies go

 

RT @AkeemOUCH: RT @KolaBoof: #ALERT ...I'm giving out Mugs of soup and slices of pie at #OCCUPY #LosAngeles today and tomorrow.

 

Oh my bad I meant Europa, my favorite of Jupiter's moons (apologies to Io)

 

Buncha drag queens walk into a karaoke bar, all sign up for songs and get up and just lip sync silently to the instrumental

 

I'm not like into farting but it doesn't turn me off

 

"Send In The Clowns" now that is a fucking song

 

The making of the cyborg

 

RT @PeggyNoland: How do you tell your mom this might her last Christmas with a daughter that does not have a head tattoo?

 

My maternal grandmother was Francis King which meant her family were servants of the king of England ages ago. She was from Arkansas???

 

I never met her but she was an Aquarius too. I wish I had she sounded fun.

 

RT @_shrine_: I dont know if my name is Everything or Nothing, or a word somewhere between

 

My fantasy metal band Child of Destiny

 

Why is Elf always on upstairs backstage???

 

December 17, 2011

Dragonball Z was a great fucking show. 25 minutes of talking, 5 minutes of insane explosions and fighting, Eastern philosophy...the hair...

 

Did I have a dream about you or did I just look at your facebook when I was wasted?

 

Fucking douche I went to high school with who was Bob Dole for the heroes assembly. Bob Dole?! I beat that kid up in the 7th grade

 

I feel like anything could really happen at any moment

 

That platformmmm on the oceannn

 

RT @TupacLyrics: Feel the fire of my mother's corrupted seed. Tupac

 

RT @markaguhar: I WANT ALL MY STUPID DREAMS TO COME TRUE

 

Mariachi downstairs just asked if I was frio and put his hand inside my coat to feel how warm it was uhh are you hitting on me?

 

Ok I've mistakenly identified my rising sign 4 times I now know I'm an Aquarius rising. That makes sense.

 

Ready to do some drag and then chillll. Listen to some world chants. Watch xtube haha.

 

I'm really feeling that I was born on Friday aka Frigg's day and in Romance languages Venus's. I am a love goddess.

 

A little bit of Darlene, a little bit of David

 

We're discussing shades of red. "Cocksucker? You lookin for blood red." "Bergonia."

 

"Since the dawn of time! Ok since they started making lip stick..."

 

"I don't suck it, I eat it all."

 

"You don't get implants to wear bras that fit! You get implants to wear bras two sizes too small!"

 

December 18, 2011

Retweet if you knew me when I had that pic of a boner next to a horse boner as my laptop background

 

I actually don't understand what people are doing if they're not at a drag show

 

RT @SusanPowter: @ALEXISPENNEY Or, at the very least, the drag show of their own lives, exactly what I've been saying for...

 

Expect nothing from anyone and everything from yourself

 

Favorite street in Oakland is 41st between Broadway and Telegraph. It's just so cute, so many nice plants and cats.

 

We got this cute new dishwasher named Paco who wears a Melvins shirt. Gag!

 

“Both Frigg and Freyja are described as having traded sex for jewelry.[4]”

 

“Egyptian Pharaohs, in response to this, were at one time required to masturbate ceremonially into the Nile.[67]”

 

December 19, 2011

making the connection between Arabesque and Sandra (one of my favorite 80s pop stars visually) was revelatory but thennnn

 

I realize that Sandra and her producer Michael Cretu are married and internationally famous as Enigma?! it all makes so much sense

 

really feeling Sandra's career

 

Omg Cher covered "Fire and Rain" too gag

 

Yoga is magic

 

My parents are completely insane

 

I spend so much time in this one homobile driver's car just awkwardly looking at twitter not talking.

 

@_shrine_ I do a lot of self-godding

 

December 20, 2011

Wyatt just walked in! Gag!!!!!!

 

Pretty fucking disgusting hangover right now

 

Miss Rahni left a heel boot over here

 

Just got a disgusting chartreuse sequined gown with a giant stain probs gonna wear it tonight

 

I learned so much from Starting Over house you have no idea

 

You should come to the club just for this dress alone it's...crazy

 

We have an adorable lady cab driver who's singing along to classic rock and just gave us cinnamon candy!

 

John just gave me solstice presents, calls himself Satan Clause and just recited a rhyme about Kali. I know I don't know why we aren't dating

 

December 21, 2011

8:25 am I'm doing coke and watching bi porn with my upstairs neighbor yes the stomper...hoping for a circle j we'll see what happens...

 

Literally sitting here naked jacking off with my neighbor to bi porn...I love reaching new lows

 

Just watching my neighbor leave laughing hysterically

 

"I think it's hilarious that you just came all over yourself then asked what my name was." Uhh I think it's normal...

 

What is it like to be straight and wanna jack off to weird bisexual porn with your insane gay neighbor? Exciting?

 

You name your kid Kevin expect him to watch me jack off at some point

 

I just hit my head doing something

 

My neighbor's dick is cool

 

Personally I love my dick

 

Wait when did I rename my ipod Helene?

 

@teetertother omg I am Sif!!!

 

December 22, 2011

Reach out and touch leather

 

Gonna wish people a happy solstice all day just to be a brat

 

"Is the neighborhood you're walking in safe?" what do you even mean by that?

 

"Do you like doing those shows?" I mean nobody's got a gun to my head telling me I have to do drag so yeah I like it

 

Taking a dump at the gang bang. Get one drink in her and wooo...

 

Just took acid at the gang bang

 

Gang bang ovServations: why does your faux fur hat match your bad wig? Stop!!!

 

December 23, 2011

"I'm a 3,000 year old fertility goddess, what the fuck are you?!" Something I just screamed at trade leaving my house

 

LSD brought out some really visionary scary sexy crazy parts of me tonight...I'm in every single one of you

 

the single red eye of my space heater glints in the mitochondria of every single one of your cells

 

That bastard left cum on my floor and a mink coat!!! Gag. Ok the cum may be mine...and the pelt is now mine.

 

3,000 year old fertility goddess WHAT?

 

RT if you've traversed the multiverse and ended up low on the Spiral of Worlds at a broken drag show

 

I love the Sutro Tower so much

 

Beautiful devastating song RT @SusanPowter: Listened when I was ll years old, listening now; Melanie, Leftover Wine..

 

Aw the owner of the Japanese place I frequent gave me a package of tea for Christmas. So cute.

 

December 24, 2011

"I've seen things...you people wouldn't believe..."

 

No fucking kidding

 

Gonna call my mom and convince her that she's a virgin and I'm the Messiah

 

Can't spell messiah without mess

 

Sherry Jean on the 19 year old, "He's cute but I don't think he's gettin on any tang, he's gettin on puddin." Ok?!

 

@colinself one pill of molly and half a bag of mushrooms on Christmas Eve last year completely altered my perception of reality

 

Off work. Can't believe this day. I want to go home and cry into my pillow for a few hours.

 

My job destroys me but I do like it. I'm very comfortable there and I walk away with wads of cash every day. Can't really complain.

 

lol remembering a Christmas years ago when @HunxandhisPunx and I gave our phone numbers to a bagger at the grocery store

 

December 25, 2011

"I got a catheter when I overdosed on ghb."

 

I often feel like the Morrigan

 

I've got about 30 pre-Christian goddess's wikipedia pages open right now

 

Had a dream that me Stanley and all the queen were performing at a huge music festival 90s Woodstock meets A Star Is Born was crazy

 

Then I was on a really haphazard family vacay where we were breaking into lavish mansions and trying to find our way home

 

Yoga is everything

 

somebody with a picture of me as their profile pic just added me on facebook ok...

 

gonna hit up this 51 album Vangelis discography. anybody doing anything tonight?

 

December 26, 2011

Reading Gravity's Rainbow at the behest of John Glenn and he's right I want bananas after the first chapter

 

Now look at me I'm like a storm trooper in drag

 

Hair finally at weird sculptural length

 

RT @yokoono: Walk barefoot on the grass and dance in the wind. Do it in your mind.

 

One of my favorite things to text guys is "hold me til it stops"

 

"Come Undone" vs "Ordinary World"

 

inaninimate object I am most attracted to currently is my space heater. Weird one-eyed phallic obelisk that bathes me in hot air.

 

RT if you've ever cried listening to "Seconds" by the Human League

 

so cool my browser predicts when I'm trying to type "yggdrasil"

 

December 27, 2011

Just want the world to know that @MylesUSA is my wonderful counselor, bff, confidant and constant inspiration. Love you bb.

 

Didn't see you there amidst the dresses, trail mix and potted plants

 

Hahaha just saw that in my outbox RT @Ur_late: The last text I get from @ALEXISPENNEY last night: "Im Fergalicious"

 

just sitting here doing everything BUT what I need to do which is get on the bus and go to the hospital to get rid of this 3 month staph

 

my neighbor is soo lame how you gonna suck my dick and then text me to turn the bass down on my speakers?

 

Oh wow urgent care is a fucking show. Someone wrote "PLEASE HELP SEND A DOCTOR I'M DYING!" on the sign up sheet

 

The noises this guy next to me is making are really insane I hope he doesn't puke

 

Beautiful nature film is on here tho like plants growing in time-lapse and shit

 

Omg these fungi that grow from infected insects' brains so insane

 

Straddling two different novels featuring sentient cats right now

 

Don't waste time worrying how people will treat you, worry instead how you'll treat them

 

December 28, 2011

RT @GinaLaDivina: Kisses world ... It's almost a new year ... Change is good ... Enjoy ...

 

@DavidkGeer the thing about hating men is that gender is such a young construct in the history of the world, so it's almost moot

 

@DavidkGeer even drawing a distinction between men and women is misogynist, so it's better to just hate everyone

 

@DavidkGeer and if you hate everyone equally, then love and hate become moot, so you're basically loving hating everyone equally

 

@DavidkGeer to go deeper, are individuals even individuals, or part of a greater whole?

 

@DavidkGeer the sacred is also profane

 

@DavidkGeer the whole is important, but is only a sum of its parts, rendering everyone/thing equally important

 

@DavidkGeer anyway I love thinking about how the patriarchy has existed for less than a quarter of our existence as a species

 

@DavidkGeer it's bound to fizzle out sooner or later.

 

How revelatory copy and paste was to me at age 8

 

I love her like what RT @DoreenVirtue444: Energy healing is a form of light.

 

My private glee in forcing weirdos who come to my party to watch the weirdest drag show ever. So lucky.

 

I am doing everything I ever dreamed of doing, isn't that wild?

 

My fantasy life is me and @nightfeelings and @twobitchesdeep going around the world writing and producing singles for drag queens

 

Every drag queen needs one good single

 

Drag. Invoking the Goddess. You're welcome. Thank you.

 

putting the high in high functioning alcoholic

 

Mind officially blown to pieces by that sunset

 

December 29, 2011

I'm just sitting here getting down with some music imagining things...

 

I don't even know right now. I am sober.

 

came all over my face by accident. not sure how that fits in to my skin care regimen.

 

haven't taken a shower for a long time and don't really plan on it...hi I'm disgusting.

 

I was checking out my shadow at yoga. It looked hot.

 

"If Kevin Feterline couldn't do it, then..." @MylesUSA

 

"Leap of faith, leap of faith, leap of faith, leaap of faith..." RT @KEEHN4N: I FOUND MYSELF IN A DESERT CALLED CYBERLAND

 

I forgot to wear jewelry but I'm wearing a butt load of CK Obsession

 

RT @ImmortalMasters: Lung, Large Intestines.... Nose

 

RT @S4NtA_Mu3rTE: @ALEXISPENNEY @totalnewbody @MylesUSA seriously... alexis... you smell better than anyone... like all the time.

 

December 30, 2011

Just tryna find ways to justify my obsession with Judeo-Christian imagery. Isn't Madonna enough?

 

Honor god and goddess within you, the dual divinity reflected in the dual nature of everything. Basically the same thing. Life? Death?

 

number one most influention person on me, this year, last, all of them, is @KEEHN4N I'm drunk and crying about this. love you girl.

 

ART WILL NOT MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON

 

ART WILL NOT MAKE YOUR EARLY LIFE LESS TRAUMATIC

 

ART WILL NOT MAKE YOU NOT AN ASS HOLE

 

my red snakeskin Nine West wallet got stolen outside of Tubesteak last night whoops

 

it's really hard to size up potential mates when I just end up applying mythological archetypes to them.

 

like can I really date Coyote/Pan/Loki/Puck ???

 

I'm telling you I've had a staph infection in my nose for 3 months and you're telling me to take ibuprofen?

 

RT @cher: Hey what's been going on ?!

 

Kind of wish we had a pull-up bar backstage at the drag show hahaha

 

December 31, 2011

forever haunted by this story my sister told me this summer.

 

some chick at her school was at the lake with her family, went tubing, and got her arm ripped off by the rope! ripped. off.

 

hi I'm just on my shitty family vacation and oh shit suddenly I have one arm. jesus fucking christ.

 

street taco guys know my order. "Ella quiere siempre asada" love you for using ella for me

 

just spent the last hour grinding on Stanley. we have a post 2 AM date tomorrow I'm so excited.

 

got my drugs, got my gig, got my after-party...let's do this 2012

 

just got my first Hot Boxxx Girls hate mail! cool! apparently I'm not "REAL" or "TL" enough to do the show. well. there ya go.

 

Was thinking of doing something special with my makeup tonight...the Mark of the Beast on my forehead?

 

RT @I_Monastery: There is no such thing as a year, a new year, or no year. But happy new year!

 

Buddhist nodualism has nothing to do with you being socially awkward 

 

The hot teen touched my hand and remarked on the longing in my eyes. Wow.

 

Ladies and gentlemen...Sherry Jean "Givin You A Heads Up On The Bullshit!" Cooper

 

This random drug dealer I'm hitting up says he knows me. Oh great who is this gonna turn out to be?